To think this is absolutely disgusting or am I missing something?

[veralera]

I met my brothers new girlfriend last night. To be perfectly honest, I wasn't too keen. Something about her seemed off to me but I never get too involved in his relationships anyway. I put it down to maybe nerves etc but I just didn't get a good vibe from her.

Anyway to my surprise, she sent me an Instagram follow request which I accepted and returned as I'm thinking is a nice gesture from her.

I was scrolling through her pictures and I came across this one of her ex boyfriend and her child.s The ex boyfriend is not the sons father.

The ex boyfriend is holding the child (I'm unsure of how old he is, maybe 5ish) in one arm and holding a cup in the other.

The cup says 'I LOVE ANAL'

He is holding up the cup with the child and they are both smiling at the camera.

Am I wrong to find this massively disturbing? I just don't get it. Am I missing something?

All I can see is a man holding a child not belonging to him along with a sexual reference.

If I'm over reacting or missing something then please tell me. I'm very close to my brother and I know he really want us to get on. I will try regardless but something just sits un easy with me.

Just to add, my brother isn't on social media at all so he will not have seen this picture.

@Johnnysgirl

OP asked for opinions. I gave her mine. There is no need to be rude.

I don’t think think it’s wrong if she’s not particularly interested in her boyfriend’s family. Sounds like he’s desperate to parade someone who he has known for 5 minutes. Again, if I spoke to him about anything, it would be his behaviour. He shouldn’t have said yes to meeting her child, no matter how desperate he is to have a family.

I agree with you. It's a tasteless "jokey" mug. OP clearly just decided to take agin this woman and has latched onto something to say "LOOK, I was right".

Yes that is just so wrong and very weird.

@SexyLittleNosferatu oh I wouldn't go that far! I really want my brother to find the happiness he deserves but as already stated - it's not worth my saying anything because I don't want to ruin my relationship with him.

It’s weird but IMO you just went looking for a problem & latched onto whatever you could find. It’s none of your business

I would be more concerned that it seems that they have not been together long, and he has already met her child.

Eh, your title made me think it'd be worse.

She forced him did she? He didn't have any say in the matter?

Agree with both.

Jesus in my cup cupboard I've got some weird ones.

Gave my mum one the other day that has words on it to the gist of "I'm not always in a bad mood, just kidding go fuck yourself"

Not a slogan I'd choose personally, but was a gift from a previous au pair ...

Mugs are often given in jest, and people forget what's on them.

I really think you're...reaching here.

it sounds like a friend of might have bought it for him as a joke?

Not a great photo but I don’t think it’s your place to say anything. Your brother is a grown man, if he asks for your opinion on his new partner then that’s different but until then you need to let him make his own choices.

I thought what op was objecting to was the mug in the forefront of a photo of a little kid?
The mug in itself doesn't bother me (although I think only an airhead would think it was side splittingly funny)

I mean it's pretty grim but it does seem you were looking for something to piss you off

Was his name Alan and the son spelt it wrong? Is there any caption or hashtag that gives an explanation?

It's also possible that she didn't realise what the mug said when she uploaded it. I tend to focus on the people and it's possible to just see a mug as a mug and cringe later when someone points it out? It could have been at someone else's house, not their mug. Etc etc. Just ask? It does sort of seem like you're looking for a reason to dislike her. You'd already decided you didn't. She could have been Florence Nightingale and you'd still have disliked her. Maybe get to know her before judging her based on one night and an old photo?

I wasn't looking for anything to piss me off. I've already explained that she added me and I thought it was a lovely gesture.

The cup itself is what it is. It's a joke cup.

Any adult posing with an cup like that isn't an issue. It's just adding a small child who is being held by a man who isn't even his father that doesn't sit right with me. She refers to him as a step father in the post.

I'm not going to say anything. And as I said....I was actually looking for an explanation/joke etc that I clearly couldn't see!

I don't really see the connection between the mug and the kid being in it. Did the mug appear to be the point of the picture, or did he just happen to be holding it?

I would expect it to be one of those novelty pun mugs that might say something like I LOVE ANAL(ytics) or something like that. Are you sure there wasn't more writing on it?

So, woman's ex poses for pic with mug of questionable taste..... and this makes the woman an unsuitable candidate to fill the role of your brother's gf?

Doesnt matter whether the whole cup said "analytics!, "canals" or whatever. They positioned it and chose the cup especially so it would read "anal"

You are NBU. Show him so he can dump her sorry anal loving backside asap

Sounds like a storm in a crass mug to me.
I'd just think "ugh, what a tasteless mug, I'd bin that", but certainly wouldn't attempt to spin one photo out into a huge judgement about the woman. The child was probably not reading at that level when the photo was taken, so frankly, what harm is done?

Having a boyfriend meet the child isn't necessarily an issue - depends if men are introduced as just another person, or as a potential parent substitute. No issue all with kids meeting people if it's along the lines of "Hi kids, here's Jerry, he's a friend of mine", but NOT if it's "Hi kids, meet your new daddy!".

Personally I wouldn't accept "something just felt wrong" or "my gut feeling was..." without further analysing my own thinking. These thoughts can come from all sorts of little things we just don't like. They're what implicit bias analysis is largely about. They certainly shouldn't be taken as more authoritative than our logical analysis.

Unpleasant, but yes definitely an overreaction. Maybe someone gave him the mug to drink out of and he didn’t even see what it said?!
My teen ds used a mug w a swear word on in front of his grandma, I don’t think he or she noticed what was on it! My son really is the nicest person, so 🤷‍♀️

I've seen at least two very popular Tiktok videos of mums giving their small children alphabet spaghetti / letter-shaped chips, spelling out rude words.

This photo seems to be the same sense of humour. I don't get it, but I assume it's a joke rather than anything untoward.

Are you sure it doesn’t say “I love canals”? There are some right weirdos out there….

It wouldn't bother me more because there was a child in it that wasn't his, I'm not sure what you're getting at there.

If it was grim it would be grim if it was his own child, too.