Anyone else here who doesn’t believe in love?

[AllAloneInThisHouse]

And I mean now more of the partnership, committed, romantic (not sexual) love.

Don’t start listing how you love your kids or nature.

I mean the, I choose you, let’s share this life together - what other people - kind of love.

Is that even real?

@TheUndoing Read all my commets before being so triggered.

It is real, but this is mumsnet so you get a skewed view

Most have said it’s real @WhenTheNightFalls ….

I agree OP. People mistake compatibility and convenience for live.

I totally believe in it. It just hasn't happened to me. I've had two marriages and neither of them was very loving. They had loving parts and moments, but that real tie that binds two people together, where they're really in it and on each other's side, is, to me, love. And I haven't had that.

It's real but some people aren't capable of it. So for example, a couple, A and B. A isn't capable but B is. The relationship breaks down, and A goes on to meet someone else. As does B. B meets someone who does have the capability to love and the two of them live happily ever after. A however goes through a series of relationships because they're just not that in to anyone.

So what I'm saying is that sometimes it's within you and you just need to meet someone with the same inside. Not sure I'm explaining very well!

I’ve read your comments and I’m not at all triggered. I just think it’s odd to assume that because you’ve never yourself experienced an emotion to believe that everyone who has is mistaken or lying.

Prior to the death of my father I’d never experienced grief - I still believed it existed as a human emotion.

Only if you think fear, pain and other measurable brain activity isn't real.

When people talk about people they say they love, the same area of the brain lights up. Same with fear, hunger, many other things. It's not imaginary! It's science. Of course what each of us feels is subjective, but it's similar.

Dogs as well BTW. They feel 'love'!

@MaryAndHerNet

Every other feeling is universal

Funny again! How do you know this? Where has this been proven? How do you think you know what everybody else feels, and how it compares to others' feelings?

All your points are based in your opinion which has no universal value. You're entitled to it, of course, but you can't claim to have any knowledge of how people experience emotions. Some people cry when they're angry. Some shout. Some retreat. Some go bright red. Some go silent. Some people cry when they're happy. Some shout. Some retreat. Some go bright red. Some go silent.

How you can claim to interpret this and state your interpretations as 'universal' is hugely egotistical. You can't know. None of us can.

I loved the very bones of my husband and I know for a fact that he loved me too.

I've got that god awful song by the darkness stuck in my head now, thanks. Oh and yes I believe in a thing called love, I think the majority of people I know have found it too. I'm lucky I guess, surrounded by a lot of people in love. I know a couple of people who are eternally single and have never found love, I guess some people just never find it?

DH and I loved each other to bits. He died 30 years ago, and I still love him to bits, and miss him every day. I will grieve him until God reunites us - he’s my soulmate. So yes, OP, love not only exists, it is eternal.

Funny again! How do you know this? Where has this been proven? How do you think you know what everybody else feels, and how it compares to others' feelings?

How do I know that feelings are universal?

Mostly UCL tbh. They ran a study comparing people from different countries.
broadly speaking, the emotions they felt were much the same and even vocalised in very similar ways.

Laughter when humoured.
Fearful when scared.
Red flush face when embarrassed.
Cry when grieving or sad.
Become violent when angry
So on and so.

For all his minor faults I love my DH and can't imagine life without him. I'd survive without him but my life wouldn't be half as amazing without him.

I believe love exists. I do love my husband.

But I don't believe there is one person out there for us, soul mates, 'the one' ect...

As much as I would never ever seek out anyone else, I'm sure if I'd never met DH I could be perfectly happy with someone else in the same way.

@MaryAndHerNet

'Broadly speaking' covers your error. It means that things aren't, in fact, the same for everyone, but that there are similarities. There's nothing 'universal' about that. Everybody's different. You've disproved your point in trying to prove it.

We're all different.

Of course it's real. It doesn't happen for everyone, nor does it feature in every relationship, but it's real.

DH and I met at 18, 26 years ago, and are still as besotted with each other as ever. He's my best mate and I can't imagine life without him. Kids are young adults now, and we're as close as we were before we had them. We'd probably make you puke

Yes, of course it is.

34 years later and it’s very much real.

I'm pretty sure I don't feel it. I honestly don't know, which makes me feel I can't have experienced it.

No.

You're wrong. You can't admit it. That's fine.

You said love is a feeling.
I said if it was it'd be definable like most others.
You said it can't becaise everyone experiences feelings differently.
I said no because feelings are pretty.mich universal.
The studies back up the fact they are indeed universal.

I'll leave you with these:

This is interesting, it explains body maps.

digest.bps.org.uk/2018/10/08/a-cartography-of-consciousness-researchers-map-where-subjective-feelings-are-located-in-the-body/

Which leads into:

psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Femo0000624

Also
If you're interested,
UCL Sophie Scott 2010 study on emotions.
And various others.

Enjoy.

Happy to read the comments.

Can’t say I’m have turned into full believer just yet.

(Once again, no offence to people who have it/have had it)

I do kind of hope I’d get to expirience it, but being already 37 and no evidence of it.

There have been key points in my long term relationship with DH where the feeling I have had for him has been pure love.
When he locked himself out of his house after our first big fall out. He had flounced out of my place, driven home then decided he needed to apologise. He didn’t have a phone (30yrs ago and he was doing up his house) so went to the phone box across the road but forgot his keys. After he apologised he then asked if I could come round to hold the ladder while he climbed through the bedroom window.
On the day of our wedding he surprised me by bringing our Labrador and had attached a big bow to her collar.
I remember being wheeled out of theatre after csection and seeing him sat with our brand new DS cradled on his thighs gently introducing himself.
I could go on but safe to say the emotion I felt at each of these times was pure love. A deep connection and bonding.
The most recent experience was watching him being loaded into the back of an ambulance having had a stroke. It was combined with a massive knot of anxiety but the feeling is instantly recognisable.
Fortunately I got him back 3 days later and he is likely to make a full recovery. I sat up and watched him sleep all night.
We are not a “joined at the hip” couple and are not known for public demonstration of affection but when that intense feeling hits it is overwhelming. It is nothing like the sexual attraction.

You are coming across as unhinged here, determined to prove that the thing you may never have felt is not real.

@MaryAndHerNet

You're wrong. You can't admit it. That's fine

Rich.

Your studies don't prove the point you're trying to prove.

I'm not trying to be 'right'. I'm saying there is no right. You are trying to prove that you are right. Kind of you to grant me permission with 'that's fine'.

You're trying to prove that you know something. I'm saying it's not a knowable thing. And unless you can tell me how it feels to me to feel the way I feel, you don't have a leg to stand on. But I'm sure you'll keep arguing your point.

That's fine.