Anyone else here who doesn’t believe in love?

[AllAloneInThisHouse]

And I mean now more of the partnership, committed, romantic (not sexual) love.

Don’t start listing how you love your kids or nature.

I mean the, I choose you, let’s share this life together - what other people - kind of love.

Is that even real?

@MrsTerryPratchett But in a way love is imaginary, in that it is something that exists entirely in the heads of people experiencing it. I don't think people are saying love is fake, just that its subjective and impossible to quantify or define. It isn't something you can put into a test tube and rule its presence in or out.

For a lot of people its extremely real and sustaining and its the driving force of a huge amount of human behaviour, art and culture. So its definitely a major influence in human life.

But so is faith in God. But that's also something totally unquantifiable and subjective which people (rightly in my view) question.

I don't think anyone is implying love is something that is purely a confidence trick. But its totally legitimate to question how valid it is.

But in a way love is imaginary, in that it is something that exists entirely in the heads of people experiencing it.

In their actual brain, which is measurable and physical.

@MrsTerryPratchett I'm not sure the brain quantifiably registers "love" does it? It registers response to certain stimuli etc which can be observed. But reliably defining these as "love" as opposed to certain other emotions isn't scientifically possible to my knowledge.

Fairytale 'One True Soulmate' love is a fiction but love between partners is real.

But to make it last takes work, lots of communication, a commitment to value your partner and compromise with them. It's not easy or fun all the time, especially with young kids or money worries. And it's easy to grow apart if you're not paying attention.

I'm not really clear on what you mean by love tbh.

Do you mean the feeling of love. Like when you are in the beginning of a relationship and you can't stop thinking about this person and think everything is amazing and you are acting super romantic towards each other? Because that's just infatuation.

Are you talking about the sort of love where you've settled down together, find each other annoying as fuck and see each others glaring faults but still remain committed and loyal because in spite of the fact that you really KNOW each other now (for better and worse) they are still the person you choose to be with. The person that you have formed a deep attachment with - the one who fights your corner and supports you and vice versa? When there are plenty of other people you are attracted to but actually you choose your partner over them all still because you have a deep,.emotional attachment/history and spent the last few years battling out all the ugly stuff to get your relationship to the place that you want it to be? Because this definitely exists. It's not like in the movies - it's not romantic but it is definitely love! Love as a series of actions and choices. Love that is flexible and strong. The sort of committed, loyal, honest relationship that tests itself and rebuilds itself stronger? This is the kind of love I believe in.

Love definitely exists, I've been in love twice.
The problem I have is they both stopped loving me after a while. I haven't loved anyone since.

however my ex didn't really believe in love outside of the love for his children. He was more about having a friendly partnership with someone he was compatible with. He admitted that he had a more practical view of relationships. So when we were together I always felt like we were just friends, even one of his kids told me that we didn't act like a couple and more like friends. 😂

No I don't belive in love. To me it's a catchall word for a variety of other emotions. Lust, infatuation, playfulness, respect, protectiveness, attachment, etc in varying combinations.

😂 🥰

@MaryAndHerNet

Everybody here describe it

This really made me laugh! Your perception of what makes a feeling real is your opinion and subject to the same argument as anybody's opinion of what love is. You're not the authority here. You're only the authority on your feelings and opinions. None of us can make a universal answer to this. There as many true answers as there are people.

@AllAloneInThisHouse

I think it's important to recognise that what you believe isn't 'the truth', and it's changeable. So you can believe all you want that love doesn't exist, but that doesn't really make any difference tomorrow when you bump into Mr Compatible in town tomorrow, and get chatting because you both reach for the same jar of pasta sauce.

My partner and I are still shocked we met, neither of us were looking, both of us middle aged, both with poor relationships behind us. We can't believe it. It happens to you whether you believe in it or not, and when it does, it makes you believe in it.

You won't always be looking at it from your current standpoint.

Wow I know a lot of people who are very in love. I've been with DH 12 years and still passionately in love. Not just in a companionship way, I would very much describe it as having the love of my life.

I've experienced lust and "early love".

But long lasting enduring love they lasts for decades and can survive anything? Not even close.
I'm not sure if it exists, but I chose the wrong person, I think.

Yeah it's bollocks.

You need to make sure you're financially secure and some scamster cock lodger doesn't end up with half your assets

@NumberCurtains

Your second paragraph is more of what I’m talking about.

That is what I’d call being ’in love’.
Knowing the person, choosing them (not because they are scared to be alone etc.) but choose to have that person in their lives.

I don’t believe/mean ’the one’ or in a soulmate.

Just mortal human beings choosing to share and build a life together.
They see, hear, believe, accept and respect the other person as they are.

Not because of looks or sex. Just people who found eachother in this world where pretty much nobody actually cares about you.

Just people who found eachother in this world where pretty much nobody actually cares about you

If this is how you feel about your life, you need to make some changes that are all about you and nothing to do with other people.

Have you ever seen in people you know or people you’ve seen together? I don’t know many great marriages but I do know a few. You can see and feel it coming off them, not just lust but real proper love. It’s wonderful. Some couples have a sort of magnetic force field around them.

I think it can be ‘real’ if you believe it and you find someone else who also believes it

It's out there OP, you have to let it in ❤️

I think I believe it OP, but I would remove the word "romantic".

Of course it’s real, I found it with my husband and still have it 39 years later, sadly some people never find love, I’m lucky I have along with millions of others

Yes it's real. I'd liken being 'in love' to a mental illness or looking at a rose when on LSD - the object of your fascination is the most beautiful thing in the world. But that fades and I am left in the afterglow of the many and diffuse aspects of intimate affection and moments of simple sweetness with my every day lover. I have tears in my eyes as I write. I am a sentimental old fool.

It seems pretty dismissive of other people’s experiences and emotions to say that you don’t think love exists. Would you say the same about other emotions like anger, sadness, joy?

• "None of us can make a universal answer to this. There as many true answers as there are people."

That's convenient.
Every other feeling is universal.

No, I have never seen this.

I’m not, and never have, fought againts it.
I’m saying it’s has never come anywhere near me.