To think working TTO has screwed me over a bit?

[soapywaters]

I work TTO and for a long time believed this would be brilliant when I had my own family as wouldn’t have to worry about wraparound care.

The problem is in reality I’m starting to see it will translate as literally never having a break as either I will have my own children or be at work.

I get that as my own family grows this will not be such an issue but AIBU to think TTO isn’t as great as it sounds?

I was incredibly grateful to find a term time only job as a single parent with 2 little ones and no support. I've been working all year round for many years now, but I did love the school holidays with my littl'uns.

If you're a teacher, then you're doing a full time job, and they are your hours. Technically, holidays aren't holidays for teachers, they are 'school closure periods'.

If you're not a teacher (e.g. school support staff, or working TTO in some other kind of role), then you are part-time. I get that it doesn't feel like it though.

Your options on this are:

*Work fewer hours / days in the weeks that you do work
*Get DH to take the DCs alone in holidays so that you can rest / do other stuff
*use holiday clubs / other childcare / family and friends for childcare during school holidays
*Do a different job with a different setup
*Combination of all of the above

When you are a parent, it's a constant juggle for time and money, whichever way you cut it I think.

Me and DH occasionally manage a coffee / lunch together during term time - nothing fancy though.

I'm self employed and genuinely haven't had a single day without work or childcare (or both) for about 5 years. Some is coming soon though!

Train as a teacher?

I work term time only now and love it, I love spending precious holiday time with my dcs.

When I worked all year round, it was stressful trying to get school holidays off when other people wanted them off too, you are not guaranteed to be able to take your annual leave when you want in my experience.

Also I don't understand that you are thinking you won't get time to yourself, my dh works full time and has 5 weeks off per year. He uses those 5 weeks at school holiday time in order to spend time with dcs and myself.

As it's only 5 weeks, I have never known him to take a day off to do something for himself either as time off is limited.

13 weeks off work per year with no holiday childcare to pay for, find and arrange is a no brainer to me.

@soapywaters I've been working in a very large high school all year round for many years. I live my job. I am a graduate, so theoretically could have done a pgce, but having seen what teachers have to deal with, I'd sooner lick the floor of an abbatoir!

I do live my job, but what I meant to say was I love it 😂

Haven't RTFT but what a friend in a similar situation did was got her DP to take some time off in the holidays so she could have some time to herself, may be an option for you @soapywaters

You'll probably find you'll have more time to yourself than most who work throughout the year. We need to stagger our annual leave to cover the holidays so the only time my husband and I are off together is when we actually go away as holiday clubs are so expensive.

If you're off for all the holidays your partner/ husband can take time off in the holidays too and you can share the care and take time for yourselves too.

Yep… I agree OP.
I did term time only for a few years and it was great in some ways - so much cheaper for childcare, and was fun planning trips and short breaks away just me and the kids in the holidays, and being able to be flexible about days out to the beach in good weather etc.

but psychologically it was hard knowing there was no option just to take the odd day off in term time for me.
it was better when I got over the guilt and still booked in some holiday childcare.

but now my kids are slightly older, the older two are happy on their own at home whilst I’m working and the youngest one likes holiday clubs etc so I’ve gone back to a normal working pattern.

I haven’t done a summer hols yet so will have to see how it goes but so far it’s good.

also for me, TTO wrecked my career progression as promotions were not open to me (most people in my work didn’t do TtO).

personally the ideal for me would be normal working pattern and leave but with an extra 2 weeks unpaid leave in august so I could have the whole of August off 😁

The options are you work term time only and still pay for some childcare in the holidays so you get a bit of time for yourself.

Or you work term time only and never get any actual time off. Because you're always either at work or with the kids. This is what I do, but to be honest I see the nightmare some of my friends have with childcare in the 6 weeks holidays and I'm pretty thankful I have this option even if I do at times complain about never having a minute to myself.

I genuinely look forward to the 6 weeks and time with my kids where we can just relax together. It always feels like a huge reset to just enjoy time without rushing to get homework done or rushing to breakfast club. For other people who have to work through it it's a massive ballache of juggling insufficient annual leave, paying extortionate amounts for clubs that finish at 3 anyway or working from home while your kids try to amuse themselves.

Full time TTO is exhausting. I gave up when youngest was settled at secondary. I now mainly WFH part time all year round and it’s much less stressful and better paid. One of my kids has SEN and I couldn’t put them into holiday care I did try but DC couldn’t handle it let alone enjoy it. I found the summer holidays did seem to last forever!

I am a teacher so obviously TTO. I absolutely adore my own children and I really genuinely like each and every one of my 31 students but I almost never have child-free time. Ever. I can’t take days in the term time for a break and then I have my own children during the holidays . I spend my whole day with children and then come home and carry on. It’s breaking me. I have very little patience left for my own children by the end of the day and that’s not ok.

I’m leaving teaching for a multitude of reasons but no break from children is definitely one of them. I will be a much better mother for it.

Haven't read whole thread, but you seem to be doing everything and allowing husband to have the easy life. He needs to take his holidays at times that help you and the family, OP. It's his responsibility too, with regards to appointments, childcare, sharing the load of parenting. It will come as a shock to him, but he needs to be less selfish and self important perhaps?

This seems the answer to me too.

If DH gets the standard 5 weeks, he takes that time off primarily when you’re on school holidays. He gives you the same amount of ‘days off childfree’ that he can take when they suit him. He should also be covering weekend days to let you go to hair appointments etc., doing more for you in term time to recognise that you do more not in term time.

I’d really really love not to have to think about the school holiday time-off jigsaw puzzle that is 2 working parents and not enough annual leave to cover school holidays. It’s such a headache making it work.

I know what you mean. I only work part time hours in a school but I work Monday to Friday and it's pretty full on until the kids finally go to sleep after 9pm at the moment. I'm exhausted.

Ive just taken a school admin j

Pressed send too soon!

I find it useful as I have a yr 7 who needs someone around. He is autistic. He’s fine after school so I work full time hours in term time but it takes the pressure off him in the holidays when he benefits from down time.

I think basically what this thread shows is that it’s all a bit shit, you just choose your flavour! Grass is always greener etc.

I think the issue is definitely your husband’s view that his AL is his to do what he likes with. You have the school holidays covered by your working pattern so it’s not the same situation there is in families where people stagger their AL so that they can minimise childcare costs through the holidays.

I think you need to get him to agree that his AL should be - other than in exceptional circumstances - taken to cover 2 things:

1. Spending time together as a family and, potentially just as a couple (by making use of childcare or grandparents).
2. Covering the inevitable days of child illness and term time medical appointments that you can’t. This is fair as your work enables him to not worry about the school holidays, so he needs to cover the other half.

He’s a husband and father. Having a family is pretty relentless in various ways. He needs to step and shoulder that to the same extent you are.

It is taking the piss to use AL to get nice relaxing days to yourself when you know your spouse doesn’t get to do the same.