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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To re home my new puppy?

109 replies

anidiotathome · 26/05/2022 17:17

I got a puppy 4 weeks ago. She really settled into our family (me and dd who is 9) well. She has been really quite easy. I have often spoken about how I think pets (where possible) should come in pairs to keep each other company, however this wasn't financially feasible for me.

My dad is quite a lonely and isolated man, and has been speaking about getting a puppy for a while. I suggested that there was still a pup from my puppy's litter available and why doesn't he go for that. He said no because he would be embarrassed to be seen out and about walking with her (Chihuahua). He then did a 180 and decided he would do it.

So I arranged it through the breeder. Exchanged money and she was happy the pup was going to him as would mean that my pup and his could play etc. However, on the drive home he said, 'surprise, I got this for your 30th birthday'.

My 30th is 4 weeks away. I didn't know how to respond and felt awkward as he'd just spent 700 pounds on the puppy and then an additional 200 pounds buying all her stuff. I just acted really surprised and grateful but had a bad feeling.

Now I've only had her since Monday and she is lovely but her and my other pup are fighting a lot and it is soooo much more hard work having two rather than one. Where my first pup is basically potty trained and crate trained and was coming on with commands it's starting again with the new pup and that's really hard to do with two.

Every day since I've got her I've just wanted to cry. I feel like neither are getting my attention, whereas I was really enjoying my time with my first pup and absolutely loved it. I don't feel like I can bond with the new pup. I am beyond irritable and stressed and my daughter is noticing.

I just don't know what to do. I feel so sad that my dad has spent all this money but I just don't feel like the new pup fits in and as if I love her as much as my first pup. I suppose he could have her but he doesn't really want her and I couldn't go back to the breeder I feel embarrassed and as if the pup wasn't being cared for properly there. She looked awful when we picked her up.

I just feel like I'm trapped and have lots of years of this ahead of me and the new pup seems really happy with us and has become quite attached so I worry about that and about how my first pup will react if she has to go. I also feel like first pup is regressing with training and have barely had a minute to train either since Monday.

I was thinking it's only been a couple of days. Should I give it a month, like a cut off date and then just be honest with my dad? My little girl loves the new pup as well and keeps saying I can't believe we have two puppies. I'm just so upset this is happening. I wish I hadn't suggested him getting her. I think at first he bought her for himself then thought again and since money exchanged hands felt he couldn't go back.

OP posts:
Hallefuckinglujah · 27/05/2022 03:02

I think the pp that suggested spending one on one time, I think I do need to do that and will start that tomorrow. I did take them for a walk separately yesterday and they seemed to enjoy that much better than together.

Have they both had the second lot jabs and enough time passed for it to have taken effect? I'd be extra careful if she's already sickly, last thing she wants is parvo if she's already looking sick with the second jab (or even her first based on what you've said about the breeder not caring for her pups)

LemonPalmTree · 27/05/2022 03:22

If you were happy with one then rehome the second one. It’s really difficult to raise two well balanced puppies of the same age and prevent them bonding with and becoming overly dependent on each other. It doesn’t sound like you have that kind of time and this is not a situation of your making.

I was really happy with one dog, got another one and it’s been a hard slog with no end in sight so if a bit of you has doubts then don’t hesitate. Stick with one

Blarting · 27/05/2022 05:18

Gosh, what an idiotic thing for DF to do! I'd rehome if you can't cope.

Carpy88999 · 27/05/2022 06:40

You all need to respect the OPs choice to use a puppy farm. If its not for you okay but some people will happily use them. Stop forcing your views onto others.

ImplementingTheDennisSystem · 27/05/2022 06:47

Christ almighty, adults giving each other puppies as gifts 🤦🏼‍♀️
Honestky, the British public are as thick as house bricks.

wellhelloitsme · 27/05/2022 06:48

Carpy88999 · 27/05/2022 06:40

You all need to respect the OPs choice to use a puppy farm. If its not for you okay but some people will happily use them. Stop forcing your views onto others.

Why do we have to 'respect' someone doing something we believe is morally wrong?

I can 'accept' she chose to do so, but I would never respect that decision as it's irresponsible and unfair to the dogs involved.

knittingaddict · 27/05/2022 06:49

Carpy88999 · 27/05/2022 06:40

You all need to respect the OPs choice to use a puppy farm. If its not for you okay but some people will happily use them. Stop forcing your views onto others.

No thanks. Lots of decisions people make are simply wrong and should be called out. This is one of them.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 27/05/2022 07:01

I've just re-read the op, you've spoken at length about how pets should come in pairs but couldn't afford to do that and then started convincing your dad to buy a puppy from your puppies litter... I'm beginning to see how he thought he was doing a good thing.

Hoppinggreen · 27/05/2022 07:50

Carpy88999 · 27/05/2022 06:40

You all need to respect the OPs choice to use a puppy farm. If its not for you okay but some people will happily use them. Stop forcing your views onto others.

No we don’t

oakleaffy · 27/05/2022 08:58

anidiotathome · 27/05/2022 00:54

I don't think it was a puppy farm. We spent £1000 for first pup and she was wormed, chipped, vaccined, came with a puppy pack and looked really well. There's a WhatsApp group with breeder and others who bought from her, I thought she seemed legit. However the breeder agreed to give for a discount for my dad as she was struggling to sell her and was glad that she would be able to stay in touch with her sister.

However, the puppy just didn't seem to be thriving as much as first pup. Around her eyes were all brown and she stank when we picked her up. The first pup had been all bathed etc. Got an appointment for check up next week. Tomorrow I'm going to see how it goes and have a really good think. I feel really bad for her and need to be sure I make the correct decision. I won't be sending her back to the breeder, if I do rehome it will be through proper channels to make sure she goes to a lovely home. But I don't know if I've had a particularly bad day.

I think the pp that suggested spending one on one time, I think I do need to do that and will start that tomorrow. I did take them for a walk separately yesterday and they seemed to enjoy that much better than together.

Sounds like it could be from a puppy farm.
Bathing a puppy?!
That shouldn’t be necessary

Who does that, unless it it kept in dirty conditions- The mother keeps them clean.

Puppy farms have “ Fronts” where they are sold from.

Did you see the mother interacting with her puppies?

I’d most definitely report this greeder.

As PP have mentioned, Lucy’s law bans third party selling of pups ( Hard to police, though)

Give the puppy to a responsible breed rescue , Dogs Trust or other reputable place.

CapMarvel · 27/05/2022 09:11

Carpy88999 · 27/05/2022 06:40

You all need to respect the OPs choice to use a puppy farm. If its not for you okay but some people will happily use them. Stop forcing your views onto others.

Absolutely not. It's not ok for people to use them so if it's all the same people can and should call them out.

OP, if you don't have the time, finances or whatever to look after the second pup, rehome it.

ahunf · 27/05/2022 09:37

Finalcountdowntoourtripaway · 26/05/2022 22:13

When my dd's bf brought home a surprise, unwanted (by dd) dpuppy he refused to take it back. They worked ft and lived in a rental property..
Dd had no idea where it came from. So she dropped it at a police station saying she found it on a road....

How strange. Don't you think the police have enough to do?

RewildingAmbridge · 27/05/2022 09:44

Why didn't you say no to your dad? No dad I can't have another dog I've got one puppy already. You bought it you'll have to have it.

Honeyroar · 27/05/2022 09:49

oakleaffy · 26/05/2022 23:47

UK rescue centres are better at assessing a dog and matching it with a prospective owner
The ''Backup'' is much better , and is on hand should there be any issues with behaviour {or health issues}

A lot of ''Street dogs'' especially from parts of Europe often overwhelm new owners with tricky behaviour, biting, escaping, resource guarding, and owners are left unsupported, or are 'guilt tripped' if they ask to return return an 'Unsuitable' dog. {Going by local talk amongst dog owners}

There are concerns over specific diseases/parasites that are being introduced to UK from Vets.

Currently rescue centres here are bulging at the seams with unwanted ''Pandemic pups'' who are now adolescent, and also the pups that are too old to sell on via puppy farmers.
A lot of these were poorly socialised from the outset, and are ''Reactive'' or fearful of any new situation.

Show quote history

This is a real generalisation! We have had a dog from a U.K. rescue centre. They didn’t neuter him, didn’t home check us before or after, they were just desperate for us to have him because we had a small holding and he was energetic! He’d had four homes before us and he was 13 months old. Luckily for them we worked hard and kept him! We had another dog from a Romanian rescue. We were home checked before, despite the (English) lady that runs the rescue knowing me a little. The dog was neutered. They had a Facebook group to help with any worries. A few dogs have been returned over the years, they’ve been fostered in the U.K. The back up has been amazing. They’re still in touch seven years later.

Honeyroar · 27/05/2022 09:53

OP I’ve known a couple of people with two pups from the same litter. While I know it’s not advisable, they’ve all turned out well. They trained them individually. Put one in a crate for half an hour while they worked on the other. Later on they’d walk them/take them to training classes separately. It’s more work obviously, but can be done. I’d try to persevere if you can for the sake of the female one.

Pollydonia · 27/05/2022 09:54

Read up on Littermate Syndrome.

Soubriquet · 27/05/2022 09:58

Chihuahuas generally do better with another dog, preferably of the same breed.

You can do it. You just need to make sure you train each other separately and that they each have a place to go for a sleep apart so that they get their rest.

Also, litter mate syndrome doesn’t just mean two puppies from the same litter.

it can be just two puppies period

Soubriquet · 27/05/2022 10:01

Carpy88999 · 27/05/2022 06:40

You all need to respect the OPs choice to use a puppy farm. If its not for you okay but some people will happily use them. Stop forcing your views onto others.

That is stupid.

“you need to respect if someone kicks their dog. It’s not your dog and it might not be your approach but some people like to do this to train them”

still sound ok or are you thinking “no! You shouldn’t kick your dog”

KarmaStar · 27/05/2022 10:32

A.if suspect breeder a puppy farmer report to rspca.
B. Get both pups thoroughly health checked.

This will get better,the pups will hopefully bond (if they are from the same litter) and keep each other company .are they fighting or play fighting?
Perhaps,if you are not sure ask a dog behavioural consultant to watch them.

1984Winston · 27/05/2022 10:49

I had two puppies from the same litter (not planned and before I knew any better) they had littermate syndrome and it did not end well, I would definitely say rehome the second one

Original poster
anidiotathome · 27/05/2022 11:24

Soubriquet · 27/05/2022 09:58

Chihuahuas generally do better with another dog, preferably of the same breed.

You can do it. You just need to make sure you train each other separately and that they each have a place to go for a sleep apart so that they get their rest.

Also, litter mate syndrome doesn’t just mean two puppies from the same litter.

it can be just two puppies period

I'm going to do that. They each have separate crates to nap in. My first pup loves her crate and goes in there to sleep however second pup doesn't like hers so far so she usually naps on me which is fine. I will start training them separately and doing some walks separately. It's just the peeing and pooing as well. I can't keep track of who's doing what and even though I'm taking them out every 2 hours and after every activity it doesn't seem to be working. I also leave the back door open for them all day (puppy proofed and big garden).

OP posts:
Original poster
anidiotathome · 27/05/2022 11:25

KarmaStar · 27/05/2022 10:32

A.if suspect breeder a puppy farmer report to rspca.
B. Get both pups thoroughly health checked.

This will get better,the pups will hopefully bond (if they are from the same litter) and keep each other company .are they fighting or play fighting?
Perhaps,if you are not sure ask a dog behavioural consultant to watch them.

I think play fighting mostly but sometimes it gets aggressive. Or if they get overtired I notice they can go from playing to fighting. Also new pup doesn't seem as in to it as first pup.

OP posts:
Original poster
anidiotathome · 27/05/2022 11:26

1984Winston · 27/05/2022 10:49

I had two puppies from the same litter (not planned and before I knew any better) they had littermate syndrome and it did not end well, I would definitely say rehome the second one

What happened if you don't mind me asking?

OP posts:
Tootlingalong · 27/05/2022 11:38

Litter mates can strongly over bond with each other, which causes massive problems if they need to be separated. They also don't need you as much for companionship, so bond far less with you and the family.
Two dogs of the same sex can also fight until they have established who is the pack leader so something else to consider. What a messy situation :(

1984Winston · 27/05/2022 12:12

anidiotathome · 27/05/2022 11:26

What happened if you don't mind me asking?

Show quote history

They were both put down, they were big dogs (GSD crosses) both lovely dogs but should never had kept them both, I was living abroad at the time though and if I hadn't taken them both one would have been drowned, there was other factors but it would put me off ever having littermates again

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