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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To re home my new puppy?

109 replies

anidiotathome · 26/05/2022 17:17

I got a puppy 4 weeks ago. She really settled into our family (me and dd who is 9) well. She has been really quite easy. I have often spoken about how I think pets (where possible) should come in pairs to keep each other company, however this wasn't financially feasible for me.

My dad is quite a lonely and isolated man, and has been speaking about getting a puppy for a while. I suggested that there was still a pup from my puppy's litter available and why doesn't he go for that. He said no because he would be embarrassed to be seen out and about walking with her (Chihuahua). He then did a 180 and decided he would do it.

So I arranged it through the breeder. Exchanged money and she was happy the pup was going to him as would mean that my pup and his could play etc. However, on the drive home he said, 'surprise, I got this for your 30th birthday'.

My 30th is 4 weeks away. I didn't know how to respond and felt awkward as he'd just spent 700 pounds on the puppy and then an additional 200 pounds buying all her stuff. I just acted really surprised and grateful but had a bad feeling.

Now I've only had her since Monday and she is lovely but her and my other pup are fighting a lot and it is soooo much more hard work having two rather than one. Where my first pup is basically potty trained and crate trained and was coming on with commands it's starting again with the new pup and that's really hard to do with two.

Every day since I've got her I've just wanted to cry. I feel like neither are getting my attention, whereas I was really enjoying my time with my first pup and absolutely loved it. I don't feel like I can bond with the new pup. I am beyond irritable and stressed and my daughter is noticing.

I just don't know what to do. I feel so sad that my dad has spent all this money but I just don't feel like the new pup fits in and as if I love her as much as my first pup. I suppose he could have her but he doesn't really want her and I couldn't go back to the breeder I feel embarrassed and as if the pup wasn't being cared for properly there. She looked awful when we picked her up.

I just feel like I'm trapped and have lots of years of this ahead of me and the new pup seems really happy with us and has become quite attached so I worry about that and about how my first pup will react if she has to go. I also feel like first pup is regressing with training and have barely had a minute to train either since Monday.

I was thinking it's only been a couple of days. Should I give it a month, like a cut off date and then just be honest with my dad? My little girl loves the new pup as well and keeps saying I can't believe we have two puppies. I'm just so upset this is happening. I wish I hadn't suggested him getting her. I think at first he bought her for himself then thought again and since money exchanged hands felt he couldn't go back.

OP posts:
coffeecupsandfairylights · 26/05/2022 22:03

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 26/05/2022 18:53

Take a deep breath. Obviously it has taken you by surprise but you did originally like the idea of having a playmate for your pup. Although they are littermates they have been separate for a month and probably won't remember each other.

You say they are fighting all the time - how familiar are you with dog behaviour? Take a look at puppy play behaviour on Youtube - it can be quite noisy and if you are unfamiliar with dogs you might think it is aggressive but it is actually healthy play.

They are young puppies and only need short periods of training at a time. You can pop one in a crate and take the other into a different room for 5 minutes. It is doable.

Also - you might be surprised that panick/anxiety/depression can be quite common when you get a new dog - a bit like post natal depression. I wanted my puppy more than anything (I have had dogs all my life) and I loved him and bonded with him from the moment I chose him but I cried non stop for two days when I brought him home!

Littermate syndrome isn't to do with them being actual litter mates.

Any two puppies of the same age who live together can develop littermate syndrome.

hettie · 26/05/2022 22:05

Look up littermate syndrome, this is a terrible idea unless you have the time and energy to put in the work to combat it

Nothingiseverything · 26/05/2022 22:12

Some of these comments are so rude and aggressive it just ruins the thread.

I'd either rehome the 2nd pup who will be snapped up from any rescue and go on to live a great life or I'd treat tomorrow as a new day and get them signed up to puppy classes. Take them separately or you take one and your DD the other.

Finalcountdowntoourtripaway · 26/05/2022 22:13

When my dd's bf brought home a surprise, unwanted (by dd) dpuppy he refused to take it back. They worked ft and lived in a rental property..
Dd had no idea where it came from. So she dropped it at a police station saying she found it on a road....

PeakyBlinda · 26/05/2022 22:13

I fucking despair.

Ottersmith · 26/05/2022 22:27

I think you should definitely give the new pup up to a rehoming shelter, it would get snapped up. You are clearly not feeling it. Your Dad spent all that money but what he did was crazy! You'll just have to tell him you tried but it didn't work out. Maybe when he considers why you gave the dog up he might consider that what he did was very strange and nobody needs a suprise dog.

Then if he still wants a dog he can get one from a shelter which is a bit older and more his thing. As long as he keeps it himself!

There are a few dogs in my extended family and it's great because they get looked after at each other's houses and love each other.

Also I would maybe consider an anonymous RSPCA phone call about the dog breeder?

winterchills · 26/05/2022 22:28

Poor baby pup! Please don't send it back to the breeder. You need to give the poor thing a chance or rehome her yourself to ensure she goes to a lovely family!

NoSquirrels · 26/05/2022 22:38

Your dad is an absolute idiot.

Don’t keep pup 2 - a better home is out there, and you can go back to enjoying owning 1 dog. Rehome responsibly through a breed rescue if possible, as soon as possible.

Jessica60 · 26/05/2022 22:38

Hi what is wrong with the dogs from other countries . Genuinely interested as want to get a rescue dog.

slashlover · 26/05/2022 22:58

Finalcountdowntoourtripaway · 26/05/2022 22:13

When my dd's bf brought home a surprise, unwanted (by dd) dpuppy he refused to take it back. They worked ft and lived in a rental property..
Dd had no idea where it came from. So she dropped it at a police station saying she found it on a road....

She gave his puppy away?

Happenchance · 26/05/2022 23:03

You said in your OP that it wasn't financially feasible for you to get a second dog. Did you mean the additional purchase price or the ongoing cost of looking after the second dog? If the latter, then you need to rehome the second dog.

If you do decide to rehome, I would do so as soon as possible, before your other dog gets used to having her around. If you live in England, you won't be able to rehome her yourself because of Lucy's law, you'll have to rehome her through a rescue: www.gov.uk/government/news/lucys-law-spells-the-beginning-of-the-end-for-puppy-farming
Some rescues offer a rehome from home service, which would allow her to stay with you until she is rehomed, rather than having to spend time in a rescue centre or foster home.

There's advice about how to report a puppy farm at the bottom of this page: puppycontract.org.uk/puppy-buyer/how-spot-puppy-dealer

I would make sure you have decent insurance for your initial dog (and the other puppy if you decide to keep it).

coffeecupsandfairylights · 26/05/2022 23:06

Jessica60 · 26/05/2022 22:38

Hi what is wrong with the dogs from other countries . Genuinely interested as want to get a rescue dog.

They're often not screened or vetted properly and many arrive with lots of quite severe behavioural issues.

Blondewithredlips · 26/05/2022 23:19

You need to report the breeder for keeping dogs in bad conditions. You need to take the second puppy to a rescue.
Don't turn a blind eye to the breeder. You need to report.
Do the right thing.

oakleaffy · 26/05/2022 23:47

Jessica60 · 26/05/2022 22:38

Hi what is wrong with the dogs from other countries . Genuinely interested as want to get a rescue dog.

UK rescue centres are better at assessing a dog and matching it with a prospective owner
The ''Backup'' is much better , and is on hand should there be any issues with behaviour {or health issues}

A lot of ''Street dogs'' especially from parts of Europe often overwhelm new owners with tricky behaviour, biting, escaping, resource guarding, and owners are left unsupported, or are 'guilt tripped' if they ask to return return an 'Unsuitable' dog. {Going by local talk amongst dog owners}

There are concerns over specific diseases/parasites that are being introduced to UK from Vets.

Currently rescue centres here are bulging at the seams with unwanted ''Pandemic pups'' who are now adolescent, and also the pups that are too old to sell on via puppy farmers.
A lot of these were poorly socialised from the outset, and are ''Reactive'' or fearful of any new situation.

tinymeteor · 26/05/2022 23:52

If you’re going to rehome then (and I probably would), do it sooner rather than later and find a reputable rescue centre. A cute puppy will find a new home quickly, an adolescent dog who’s got into bad habits, not so much.

rnsaslkih · 27/05/2022 00:38

I would give it a bit of time. Chihuahuas are notoriously barky/unfriendly towards other breeds. So perhaps having two of your own might work out. I have a friend who got 2 puppies (small but not chi) from the same litter and 3 years later they are well behaved, happy and friendly. They didn’t know about littermate syndrome when they got them. So although it isn’t a good plan to get 2 from a litter, it can be ok.

Ordinarily you’d send the pup back to the breeder but since that isn’t an option, I would give things a try and if it doesn’t work out then contact a chi specific rescue.

Original poster
anidiotathome · 27/05/2022 00:54

I don't think it was a puppy farm. We spent £1000 for first pup and she was wormed, chipped, vaccined, came with a puppy pack and looked really well. There's a WhatsApp group with breeder and others who bought from her, I thought she seemed legit. However the breeder agreed to give for a discount for my dad as she was struggling to sell her and was glad that she would be able to stay in touch with her sister.

However, the puppy just didn't seem to be thriving as much as first pup. Around her eyes were all brown and she stank when we picked her up. The first pup had been all bathed etc. Got an appointment for check up next week. Tomorrow I'm going to see how it goes and have a really good think. I feel really bad for her and need to be sure I make the correct decision. I won't be sending her back to the breeder, if I do rehome it will be through proper channels to make sure she goes to a lovely home. But I don't know if I've had a particularly bad day.

I think the pp that suggested spending one on one time, I think I do need to do that and will start that tomorrow. I did take them for a walk separately yesterday and they seemed to enjoy that much better than together.

OP posts:
Sunnytwobridges · 27/05/2022 00:56

Please rehome it as you will come to resent her

Furries · 27/05/2022 01:33

There must be people on here who work in animal rescue - how on earth they manage to read stuff like this and not give up amazes me.

BilboBagBin · 27/05/2022 01:43

Why on earth did you go back to the same breeder if you thought the puppies weren’t being cared for?!

Ive also never understood why people buy dogs then keep them in crates/cages.

Bpdqueen · 27/05/2022 01:51

Give your dad the puppy for father's day surprise

milkyaqua · 27/05/2022 01:54

It's not your new puppy, it's your dad's new puppy, which he repackaged as a gift to you. They're not toys. I find his behaviour bizarre. Poor little dog.

BippityBobbityBoo · 27/05/2022 02:01

BilboBagBin · 27/05/2022 01:43

Why on earth did you go back to the same breeder if you thought the puppies weren’t being cared for?!

Ive also never understood why people buy dogs then keep them in crates/cages.

Do you have dogs? Crate training is very common and recommended/often liked by the puppies.

she didn’t realise they weren’t well looked after until collecting the 2nd pup

FredAstairesChair · 27/05/2022 02:11

I got my dog as a puppy from a rescue, to the person who is astounded at there being another avenue than a breeder.

OP if you must rehome do it through a reputable rescue. What an idiotic thing for your dad to do.
@Finalcountdowntoourtripaway that is such a sad sad story :(
Littermate syndrome is a very real thing, however it doesn't always happen. It may be that the puppies will be fine in the long run. It sounds a very overwhelming situation. :( and the second puppy sounds like s/he became an inconvenience to the breeder when they didn't fetch the £ in straight away as expected.

Charleymouse · 27/05/2022 02:39

I had planned on two puppies, decided one was probably the most I could manage.
After picking him up discovered his brother had been let down by his new owner and now needed a home. The breeder brought him over to us later on the first day.
So in terms of differences ours hadn't been separated for long so rebonded quite quickly.
They did need some separate time training away from each other. They enjoyed each other's company and now whenever they are left I feel
happier knowing they have each other for company. .
When they are apart they miss each other and look for each other. They play together sleep together but are completely different individuals. One quite bright and easy to train, . One a bit slower and was less easy to train.

Your dad is misguided and has made a mistake however he's only human and if he knew you wanted two originally I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. However you committed to one dog. Get your dad to take some
Responsibility and help train the dogs.

Get the new dog checked out health wise get health insurance on them before you visit the vet and ensure her health is okay. If it is not rerun to the breeder. If it is make a decision based on how they have settled at that point t.
Good luck.
Two dogs = double trouble but twice as nice.