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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To re home my new puppy?

109 replies

anidiotathome · 26/05/2022 17:17

I got a puppy 4 weeks ago. She really settled into our family (me and dd who is 9) well. She has been really quite easy. I have often spoken about how I think pets (where possible) should come in pairs to keep each other company, however this wasn't financially feasible for me.

My dad is quite a lonely and isolated man, and has been speaking about getting a puppy for a while. I suggested that there was still a pup from my puppy's litter available and why doesn't he go for that. He said no because he would be embarrassed to be seen out and about walking with her (Chihuahua). He then did a 180 and decided he would do it.

So I arranged it through the breeder. Exchanged money and she was happy the pup was going to him as would mean that my pup and his could play etc. However, on the drive home he said, 'surprise, I got this for your 30th birthday'.

My 30th is 4 weeks away. I didn't know how to respond and felt awkward as he'd just spent 700 pounds on the puppy and then an additional 200 pounds buying all her stuff. I just acted really surprised and grateful but had a bad feeling.

Now I've only had her since Monday and she is lovely but her and my other pup are fighting a lot and it is soooo much more hard work having two rather than one. Where my first pup is basically potty trained and crate trained and was coming on with commands it's starting again with the new pup and that's really hard to do with two.

Every day since I've got her I've just wanted to cry. I feel like neither are getting my attention, whereas I was really enjoying my time with my first pup and absolutely loved it. I don't feel like I can bond with the new pup. I am beyond irritable and stressed and my daughter is noticing.

I just don't know what to do. I feel so sad that my dad has spent all this money but I just don't feel like the new pup fits in and as if I love her as much as my first pup. I suppose he could have her but he doesn't really want her and I couldn't go back to the breeder I feel embarrassed and as if the pup wasn't being cared for properly there. She looked awful when we picked her up.

I just feel like I'm trapped and have lots of years of this ahead of me and the new pup seems really happy with us and has become quite attached so I worry about that and about how my first pup will react if she has to go. I also feel like first pup is regressing with training and have barely had a minute to train either since Monday.

I was thinking it's only been a couple of days. Should I give it a month, like a cut off date and then just be honest with my dad? My little girl loves the new pup as well and keeps saying I can't believe we have two puppies. I'm just so upset this is happening. I wish I hadn't suggested him getting her. I think at first he bought her for himself then thought again and since money exchanged hands felt he couldn't go back.

OP posts:
hellcatspanglelalala · 26/05/2022 18:28

internetpersonme · 26/05/2022 17:35

Yabu to go to a breeder. Gross.

How do you suggest people get a puppy, if not from a dog breeder?

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 26/05/2022 18:28

orwellwasright · 26/05/2022 17:31

Your dad got you a surprise puppy for your bday? Even though you got one a month ago?

I know he's your dad and all but aren't you just a little bit annoyed at this insane decision??

I agree,it's bonkers ! Re-home the second puppy .

Newfluff · 26/05/2022 18:31

internetpersonme · 26/05/2022 17:35

Yabu to go to a breeder. Gross.

Where do you suggest then?
The OP has a child so a unknown rescue isn't a good idea, don't get me started on the imported 'rescues' and puppy farms. As it seems OP did get the puppy from a farm which is awful, if she had gone to a proper breeder she would have breeder support and the option of returning the puppy, however the breeder would have asked enough questions to see through the fathers ruse and said dog wouldn't have been sold in the first place .

I take on rescues, they are ruined by their first owner. I wouldn't take them on with young children in the house.

Cyberworrier · 26/05/2022 18:31

Rehome the second puppy and don't feel bad for doing so- lots of people will be keen to adopt the pup through Dogs Trust and it will go to a suitable home. Really bad of your dad.

oakleaffy · 26/05/2022 18:34

hellcatspanglelalala · 26/05/2022 18:28

How do you suggest people get a puppy, if not from a dog breeder?

Show quote history

A reputable rescue centre.
We have had rescued dogs and ones from a reputable breeder {waiting lists, no more than one litter every 3 years to ''Further their line''...the pups prospective owners are vetted thoroughly, and they are NEVER advertised online. {And are fairly priced, insured and health checked} generally word of mouth or via a breed club.

amijustparanoidorjuststoned · 26/05/2022 18:36

Lots of really nasty responses here... the OP came looking for support and advice, not a public execution. She clearly knows she made a mistake. Mumsnet really is turning in to a bitter place with lots of bitter people!

OP - I would ask your dad if he could take the second puppy as littermate syndrome can be a problem, as PP suggested. Otherwise, YADNBU to rehome the pup. Good luck!

Sweepingeyelashes · 26/05/2022 18:36

Who do you think she is going to report the breeder to? The dog police? There is nothing wrong with being a breeder with well looked after animals and standards but this breeder doesn't sound like one of the good ones.

User3568975431146 · 26/05/2022 18:38

Litter mates generally don't do well together. Have a Google

oakleaffy · 26/05/2022 18:41

The OP has a child so a unknown rescue isn't a good idea, don't get me started on the imported 'rescues' and puppy farms

Agree completely on imported rescues.
Criteria for adoption is far laxer than reputable UK rescues, and the local FB pages show a lot get ''Bounced back'' for aggression.

UK charities tend to match a person with a suitable dog, there is less ''Choice'' based on looks or type.
Our first dog was matched via RSPCA.. I wanted male, Big, Greyhound...Was matched small female Lurcher. A very successful match for the rest of her life.

Lovethesun100 · 26/05/2022 18:41

coffeecupsandfairylights · 26/05/2022 17:34

So you got a dog from a puppy farmer and then encouraged your dad to get another dog from the same puppy farmer?

Then you agreed to take the second dog with yours with absolutely no preparation and no research into littermate syndrome?

I despair, I really do.

Are all three puppies from the same place ?
I read that the 3rd puppy was in poor condition but came from elsewhere ?!

AmberLynn1536 · 26/05/2022 18:46

Contact the dogs trust there will be a lot of people who will want your puppy, please don’t try and sell her on Gumtree.

Hoppinggreen · 26/05/2022 18:47

Lovethesun100 · 26/05/2022 18:41

Are all three puppies from the same place ?
I read that the 3rd puppy was in poor condition but came from elsewhere ?!

Show quote history

There are 2 puppies not 3 and both came from the same place

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 26/05/2022 18:53

Take a deep breath. Obviously it has taken you by surprise but you did originally like the idea of having a playmate for your pup. Although they are littermates they have been separate for a month and probably won't remember each other.

You say they are fighting all the time - how familiar are you with dog behaviour? Take a look at puppy play behaviour on Youtube - it can be quite noisy and if you are unfamiliar with dogs you might think it is aggressive but it is actually healthy play.

They are young puppies and only need short periods of training at a time. You can pop one in a crate and take the other into a different room for 5 minutes. It is doable.

Also - you might be surprised that panick/anxiety/depression can be quite common when you get a new dog - a bit like post natal depression. I wanted my puppy more than anything (I have had dogs all my life) and I loved him and bonded with him from the moment I chose him but I cried non stop for two days when I brought him home!

Original poster
anidiotathome · 26/05/2022 18:54

orwellwasright · 26/05/2022 17:31

Your dad got you a surprise puppy for your bday? Even though you got one a month ago?

I know he's your dad and all but aren't you just a little bit annoyed at this insane decision??

Yes I really am annoyed and beyond upset about the full situation

OP posts:
GinLimeandLemonade · 26/05/2022 18:55

@Yarnasaurus This is the link you needed, yours was blank 😄👍

Tiredmum12389 · 26/05/2022 19:12

Could you train separately?spend one on one alone with each of them and build that bond with both. They will play fight as puppies do. You sound like you've done great with your original puppy and I'm sure after the same training your new puppy will be just the same.

ElenaSt · 26/05/2022 19:29

Unless you are experienced with dogs which from your posts you clearly aren't although you have done the best for your diets puppy you are going to struggle in training two with lack of knowledge and no previous experience.

Please rehome and sod your dads money it was a downright stupid and irresponsible thing to do and you can tell him I said that!

ElenaSt · 26/05/2022 19:30

Diets means first ^

knittingaddict · 26/05/2022 19:50

Have I got this right, your puppy looked awful when you picked her up? Awful, how?

knittingaddict · 26/05/2022 19:54

Isn't £700 very cheap for a pedigree dog? Puppy farmer then? 😡

Andouillette · 26/05/2022 19:58

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 26/05/2022 18:53

Take a deep breath. Obviously it has taken you by surprise but you did originally like the idea of having a playmate for your pup. Although they are littermates they have been separate for a month and probably won't remember each other.

You say they are fighting all the time - how familiar are you with dog behaviour? Take a look at puppy play behaviour on Youtube - it can be quite noisy and if you are unfamiliar with dogs you might think it is aggressive but it is actually healthy play.

They are young puppies and only need short periods of training at a time. You can pop one in a crate and take the other into a different room for 5 minutes. It is doable.

Also - you might be surprised that panick/anxiety/depression can be quite common when you get a new dog - a bit like post natal depression. I wanted my puppy more than anything (I have had dogs all my life) and I loved him and bonded with him from the moment I chose him but I cried non stop for two days when I brought him home!

What a great, sensible post. OP, this does not need to be a big drama. Littermates can be problematic but it certainly isn't inevitable. Puppies play fight all the time and it can be exhausting to watch, and in the case of Chihuahuas, noisy! They are drama llamas for sure. As IthinkIsaw says, take a breath. Give it a few days at least. You have you and your DC to look after this pair of tiny hooligans, make the most of that. If they are vaccinated, look for puppy socialisation classes, your vet may run one or know of one.
I have two Chihuahuas and they are more of a handful than my 3 big dogs but I wouldn't be without them for a minute!
If you really cannot cope please consider rehoming the second one through official Chihuahua rescue as they will be best paced to find a decent home. Best of luck to you.

oakleaffy · 26/05/2022 21:27

If you really cannot cope please consider rehoming the second one through official Chihuahua rescue as they will be best placed to find a decent home

This. /\

A specific Breed Rescue will take on the puppy , and assess it as to what home would be suitable.

A good breed rescue would be where I would go as the 'Breeder' sounds like a Back yard Greeder or Puppy Farm.

If they were reputable, they absolutely wouldn't have allowed your father to buy the dog without a lot of questions as to his suitability as an owner, his lifestyle, garden, & working hours.

The fact the puppy ''Looked dreadful'' is also worrying.

You should have had a health check with dates and brand of wormers used.

ALL pups are born with worms, {part of their lifecycle is to migrate from a pregnant bitch to the pups, and the pups re~infect the mother as she cleans up after them in early weeks.

A good worming regime is essential.

If your puppies haven't been wormed, they are likely carrying a high worm burden, which isn't good.

See a vet for effective worming meds.

NellesVilla · 26/05/2022 21:37

Please report the breeder, OP. You now have a duty to do this.

WiddlinDiddlin · 26/05/2022 21:52

£700 is very low for a Chihuahua, so you've bought two puppy farmed puppies - point being, do not return to breeder.

I would return the second puppy to your dad and ask him what the hell he thought he was doing and enjoy his new puppy.

Well, I wouldnt because if he is dim enough to do this, he probably can't raise a puppy either, I would rehome via breed rescue.

Two puppies together is damn hard work and requires two adults who can take one puppy each and ensure they spend more time apart, learning stuff with another human, than they spend together OR alone.

That is a tall order for most people, the end result tends to be juveniles to adults who don't like one another, fight OR, are so bonded (and usually very unhealthily with one bullying the other or heavily dependent on the other) that they can't be split, can't behave together, won't listen to you when they're together and as such limit YOUR life and have a very limited life themselves.

Rehome one.

Brieandcamembert · 26/05/2022 22:00

So you got a dog from a puppy farmer and then encouraged your dad to get another dog from the same puppy farmer?

Then you agreed to take the second dog with yours with absolutely no preparation and no research into littermate syndrome?

I despair, I really do.

wholeheartedly agree. I can't believe you used a puppy farm and went back for more.

You need to give a pup up in a reputable manner.