To not understand claims that life admin is 'not a thing'

[LabradorsInThePond]

I keep reading this on MN threads about organisation, time management etc. And that the life admin tasks of renewing insurances and checking mortgage rates can't take up that much time. But I spend a huge amount of time in the throes of life admin. We live a pretty normal, busy family life. I work 4 days in a professional role and can easily spend the 5th day (or at least half of it) in the throes of dreaded life admin.

My list tomorrow extends to twenty three separate items. None of which involve renewing insurances, but they do include buying clothing items (Scout shirt etc.), paying instrument hire, photocopying medical reports for school, booking airport parking, collecting worming tablets, booking a restaurant, buying zoo tickets, arranging a delivery of flowers for mum's birthday, an online grocery shop, buying a thank you gift, arranging a birthday party, booking a roofer, buying new windscreen wipers, emailing the GP, updating kids' Nimbl cards, finding a way to teach DS about dividing decimals, paying various people online etc.

None of these are yearly tasks, and next week there will be another 23 items to complete. It is relentless. DH does most of the house and long-term financial admin and he's also executing his father's too-complicated will, which makes my 23 items look like peanuts.

Do we just have an over-committed life, or does anyone one else find (what others consider non-existent) life admin burdensome and time-consuming? What am I doing wrong here?

Absolutely agree that the “small” jobs can take a lot of time.

Like the poster who used 5 minutes between meetings to call the consultant to reschedule an appointment. What if they hadn’t answered the phone at that time? Or what if (like most hospitals) she’d had to sit on hold for 20 minutes before being answered? What if there wasn’t an alternative appointment available at a time she could do, so she’d had to see what else she could rearrange, and then call back?

and also… the big thing for me… Men aren’t doing nearly as much of this stuff. Men use their 5 minutes between meetings to prep for the meeting. They use the cab ride home to write down thoughts from the meeting or feed back to colleagues. They don’t use it to renew the pet insurance or sort a costume for WBD. They mostly wouldn’t even know what WBD means (bet you all do). Is it any wonder there are more men in senior positions? They’ve only got one job while women are trying to do two.

Yes, I know, NAMALT, some do their fair share but definitely not all or even most.

*But what about the consequences of forgetting to do something?

Not everything can be done there and then as soon as you think of it. Even in the internet world, a website may be down, your own internet may be down, there may be a sequence of events, i.e. check passports, book holiday, book holiday insurance, then book airport car park, destination car hire, etc etc. Doing it in the wrong order or forgetting a step (because you couldn't do it there and then) could cause higher cost or more work/stress to sort it out.*

Oh good grief, some people really know how to make a mountain out of a molehill!

Any minute now someone going to post a link to those stupid cards.

@Waxonwaxoff0

There's a bus stop 7 minutes walk from my house with buses that go to the airport.

Very few people have that luxury.

@Oblomov22

book a doctor's appointment etc. many of the things you've listed a really easy to do in the evenings.

Not everyone's GP surgery has online booking appointments - plenty of people still have the 8am phone call lottery to contend with.

I agree that there are plenty of life admin tasks to do, and some take mental effort in remembering too. But I also think that people broadly fall into the two camps of just getting on and doing it without dwelling, and who are more overwhelmed by it being A Thing.

I don’t think that’s related to the quantity of tasks, but the person’s personality.

Whether you are someone who just sorts it or stores it (which can be influenced by the type of work you do). Whether you’re someone who is able to follow a method or not. My friend just forgot her MOT. She’d been sent a reminder. But she is neither the type of person to:

• see the reminder and call immediately (she can, in her job)


• see the reminder and add it to a list


• see the reminder and leave it where it is and always check recent emails for things (another way of creating a list)

She’s always complaining about how much she has on, because she’s always doing more because of not doing it initially. Because you don’t book your MOT and next thing you’re under time pressure AND having to go somewhere less local AND having to arrange a lift cos you had no choice of convenient day… etc.

Money helps too. I’m fortunate that if I get an email that dinner money needs to be topped up, I just do it - no extra thought of how much I can afford this week or what to juggle. That helps for outgrown clothes too. Need new shoes? Order several pairs to try. That’s much harder if you can’t to.

But mostly I think it’s attitude / personality. When I get an email to confirm attendance at football training next week (my latest email, as it’s half term and they’re checking if enough are going) I just hit the yes button. I don’t stop and think, “oh my, so much life admin”.

So much is online, and takes seconds, not even minutes.

Some people get on with it.
Some people I guess have a different brain - my MOT friend!
Some people have genuinely extra busy lives.
But some people (that I know) just like to wallow in how hard their “mental load” is, and could have done the stuff in that time.

It depends on a lot of things, the number of children you have, do they have medical conditions/disabilities/allergies, do they do lots of activities that require parental input like paying fees, sewing on badges etc, do you have limitations eg struggle with forms, sewing, maths etc, do you have pets who need vaccinations, walks, flea prevention treatment.

Personally I have multiple disabled dc and am also dyslexic myself. A visit anywhere new requires a lot of planning for my autistic child. A lot of places like softplay require me to take my non disabled dc there first to see how busy/noisy it is, check if they have locked safety gates on the entrance etc. I'm in the middle of an autism assessment form for one of my dc who already has other disabilities. They want to know the name and contact details for all 5 physios he's had (the last one discharged him from the service in 2010) and other questions that will take me forever to work out the answers to. Then there is my other child's application for PIP as he is about to be too old for DLA. They will want evidence from professionals which will be difficult as he hasn't seen one since his diagnosis of autism in 2015. With my dyslexia I find even the simplest of forms an absolute nightmare. I'm not complaining and one of the reasons I don't have a job is to get this stuff done but I'm just explaining this is why some people's life admin takes longer.

I agree that there is a huge amount of work involved in running a home and family. That’s why women holding jobs outside the home plus the job of running the home are doing an incredible job. I’m very fortunate that I can put my outside job on hold for a month right now because there is no way I could cope with my workload otherwise. I am moving house, children changing schools and I’m a single parent. I struggle with the physical workload and have huge admiration for women who do everything plus work a demanding full time job outside the home. It’s a huge thing.

That's true, but you made a blanket statement about people who don't find life admin difficult.

I agree with this!

When I used to work ft in an office throughout the 1990s, it was the women rushing out at lunch time to buy that night's dinner from the supermarket, or buy a child's present for a party, not the blokes. By the looks of this thread, not much has changed,
except more of the tasks are now on-line. Never has "we wanted equality and ended up doing it all" been more true ... .

I'm a single parent to be fair so I've got no choice but to do it all myself.

This is a really good point

'Busyness' has a certain status for some I think. Partly a sort of martyrdom and partly because being idle is frowned upon.

When I see the complex ferrying around some people do for their children's activities I get exhausted. But people think it's important (and if the children enjoy it, why not?) so they carry on. And then enjoy telling you how exhausting their life is.

I had one acquaintance whose child had variously tried swimming, chess club, maths club, french lessons, football, gymnastics, art club, beavers, choir, and probably some others I've forgotten.

He was six at the time. She said all these activities were enriching and 'would look good on his UCAS application'.

Don't get married/partner up with a lazy wanker, then.

So many people post on MN about 'doing it all' as if it's an inevitability.

No one forces you to be a mug, do they?

I wonder about the ages of people who find things difficult or time consuming. Pretty much all the 'life admin' tasks I do are vastly easier than when I was first an adult. Google reads my email and puts reminders in my calendar automatically. I don't even have to do that part.

My job is Operations Manager.

So I process finances, ensure insurances and service contracts are up to date, plan for and manage events, make orders and stock take.

If those things "aren't a thing" then why do many companies employ people specifically to do them?

Since I've worked in Ops (I was formerly COO of a tech company) I've been noticeably less interested in doing the same tasks for home. If I've been buggering about with suppliers all day it's the last thing I want to do after work.

Yup, life admin is a thing. DH and I have had leaking gutters and two dimmer switches that don't work for months now because I refuse to take the lead on sorting them out as well as organising everything else... dentist, doctor, booking school clubs, DC's swimming lessons, organising half-term childcare, DC passport renewal, contacting council about (frequent) missed rubbish collections, sourcing and arranging a new dishwasher, finding the correct replacement for a broken hinge on our wardrobe, booking a hall and entertainment for DC upcoming birthday party, sorting out invitations, organising party food, plates, cups etc...I know these things don't happen every week but there will be new tasks next week. And although DH offers to "help", in the next breath he then moans that he doesn't know what needs to be done. I think we need to have a "chat", tbh 😡.

What you have described is just life, as I am told 'shut up and get on with it, as it won't get iteself done'

Why the🤔?

Whole thing took about three minutes.

Email was basically resending the one I sent last time, and the phone call was two mins, max.

Literally, “Hello, my name is X and I have an appointment with Mr. Y on the 3rd that I’m unable to make, do you have anything for the 10th instead? Yes, 4pm is fine, thank you”.

I’m not in the UK so don’t have to deal with the PITA that is the NHS. My consultant’s secretary normally answers within three rings, or else call does to voicemail very quickly and she rings back typically within an hour.

My job is childcare practitioner. It still doesn’t mean I’m doing early years education work when I read to my kids. Chef is a job - doesn’t mean you’re a chef when you’re making pasta. Chauffeur is a job but I’m not a taxi when I drive my son to his friend’s place etc etc. Grocery picking is a paid job but I don’t get paid for doing my shopping.

Almost everything has some form of paid for employment and can be outsourced. Doesn’t mean it’s a job when you do it for yourself. And somehow I doubt an operations manager handles such arduous tasks as writing a thank you card and picking up worming tablets. They’re just normal tasks.

I also work in healthcare and the idea of doing these tasks on my break is laughable. I get 30 minutes break in 12+hours, in that time I need to heat a meal, eat it and use the toilet. I do my personal work admin (timesheet, expenses, liaising with the scheduling department over shifts etc) at home in my own time in addition to 'life admin'.

I was reading a thread recently with the majority of posters adamant that being a SAHP to a young child/ being I maternity leave was far more tiring than work. This is definitely not my experience having worked a decade of 12 hour shifts (often finishing hours late) day and night on a rotating shifts pattern.

Clearly I made some bad life choices when I became a paramedic. No wonder so many people are leaving the NHS!!

You could have probably done it all in the time you worked it all out. I’d never heard of ‘life admin’ before MN.

I am someone who doesn’t understand the big deal about “life admin”. It is just “life” to me. If you want something of course you have to purchase it / plan it / book it. What is the alternative? Many things can be done online in a few minutes it isn’t a huge deal.

Stuff like this. Some of it is just nothing. ‘Check the after school bookings.’ Well did you make them? Why would they need checking? How long could this possibly take? Same with ‘double check football start time.’ How long does this take you? How often is it necessary? Does it start at a different time every week? Respond to a WhatsApp group asking for volunteers. So just ‘yeah I’ll do it’ or ‘no sorry busy busy atm!’ It’s stuff like that that makes people scoff at ‘life admin.’

Booking a restaurant is on your list of tasks to do😂 it would’ve taken longer to put it on the list to do it!!!

Yanbu.

I can be really time consuming and finding quiet moments to do it can be really hard.

i struggle to find time at work between meetings, calls, paperwork and lots of driving. I rarely take my lunch break as it is and if I do I’m rushing about doing as many tasks as I can.

if I’m not at work have 2 young kids who do not leave me alone long enough to make a phone call or fill in a form etc.

how much people have to do will vary depending on their lives, some will have masses to organise and some hardly any. I don’t think we can really judge how much others have and how well they are or aren’t managing it.

yes I manage it, mostly, but it is difficult to manage and takes a lot of effort.