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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Have a good eve"

98 replies

Newusername101 · 25/05/2022 22:41

NC

When friends end a message with "have a good evening" do you see this as them saying in not so many words "I don't want to message you anymore tonight" or do you read "have a good eve" differently.

OP posts:
MrsEricBana · 25/05/2022 23:35

I know what you mean OP, it's like them saying "Go away now please". My mum ends every phone conversation with "I'll let you get on now" which makes me feel the same.

watcherintherye · 25/05/2022 23:37

I can see how ‘have a good evening’ on its own might be construed as rather dismissive, but context is everything, of course.

If I wanted to end a conversation, I’d probably add a bit more - ‘Lovely chatting. Just off to watch (tv prog)/get ready for bed/finish some admin etc. Have a good evening, and speak soon xx’. And if they did a final final reply after that, I’d just send a X.

DinoWoman · 25/05/2022 23:37

You're totally right OP. I personally prefer it when I'm told to bugger off and have a shit evening. When we these people get it?

Musicalmaestro · 25/05/2022 23:41

DinoWoman
I think I see where you are coming from, do you mean that this would be a more honest response? Albeit very blunt..

boronia · 25/05/2022 23:50

It's not rude.
They're getting on with their evening and believe it or not, that doesn't include being texted again by you.
Would you rather that you sent another text ( or more) and they ignored them?

ManateeFair · 26/05/2022 08:44

Newusername101 · 25/05/2022 22:48

Thanks for the replies.

Do you see this As a bit rude ? I do.

It’s not rude at all.

Does this happen to you a lot? If so, I think perhaps you might need to learn to take a hint about the expectations you have of your friends’ time.

Aprilx · 26/05/2022 08:49

Newusername101 · 25/05/2022 22:48

Thanks for the replies.

Do you see this As a bit rude ? I do.

No not at all rude.

Darbs76 · 26/05/2022 08:50

Yes that to me signals the end of the messaging, ie the person has plans or wants to chill out etc.

Darbs76 · 26/05/2022 08:50

And no I don’t consider it rude at all

girlmom21 · 26/05/2022 08:50

It's only rude if you were midway through and important conversation and they didn't also say something like "I'll have a look into it properly tomorrow" or something relevant

TaranThePigKeeper · 26/05/2022 08:51

It’s politely but clearly setting a boundary around their time, and isn’t at all rude. It is rude to expect others to be always available to you.

Imsittinginthekitchensink · 26/05/2022 08:53

Are you one of those people who never knows when to stop and endlessly texts pointless emojis and random shit because you are bored?

KalaniM · 26/05/2022 08:55

It could be construed as dismissive, if you were mid conversation or you usually keep the door open for messages at any time of day or night. In which case you might be hurt at being concluded for the day, not being included in the evening.

DoNotGetADog · 26/05/2022 08:58

If you think that’s rude, OP, then what do you want them to do?

The other options are:
a) you keep texting them and they ignore you (surely that’s much ruder)
b) you keep texting them and they have to keep replying to you even though they don’t want to

I can only assume you think they should do b), but why should your wishes take priority over what they actually want to do in their own home in the evening?

NorthernLights5 · 26/05/2022 09:02

Do you see this As a bit rude ? I do. how on earth is it rude?! You must be very, very easily offended. Much more rude to just ignore. And again much more rude to expect them to keep messaging you until you decide you've had enough.

SmileyClare · 26/05/2022 09:13

How would you politely close a text conversation? Or even a real life conversation?

It's normal social etiquette for one person to politely excuse themselves by wishing you well (e.g. enjoy your evening, can't wait to catch up on Friday, good luck at work tomorrow or have a great weekend).

You're over thinking this hugely.

It's ruder to not structure your interactions with a clear ending or to always force the other person to close a conversation.

ShyMaryEllen · 26/05/2022 09:16

It's one of those things where texts are trickier than voice conversations because so much can't be seen or heard.

It might make the recipient feel dismissed if she thought she was mid-conversation (you don't just get up and leave when chatting to someone in person), but equally, someone persistently pinging to say nothing when you want to watch Eastenders is annoying.

A thought - could it be a cultural misunderstanding?

orwellwasright · 26/05/2022 09:20

Hmm. I think if you're messaging a partner or close friend and they end with 'Thanks for the replies' I'd take this as very pass-agg personally.

Who says shit like that to someone they're close to?

I probably message my bro most and if he said this I'd consider it very dismissive and bizarre.

But then this is Mumsnet where a peculiarly formal style of communication reigns. In fact you're lucky to receive messages at all. Other people are far too busy and important to message.

ShouldersBackChestOutChinUp · 26/05/2022 09:22

Not rude. They just don't want to text anymore. They can choose.

LowlandLucky · 26/05/2022 09:24

It is not rude at all, what is rude is people interrupting other peoples evenings when they have been clearly told that is the end of contact for tonight.

IRunbecauseILikeCake · 26/05/2022 09:25

It's not rude.
When I send this, it means I'm about to get ready for bed or settle down to watch a film or something.
To be honest I prefer a call for a chat.

Donotgogentle · 26/05/2022 09:27

TaranThePigKeeper · 26/05/2022 08:51

It’s politely but clearly setting a boundary around their time, and isn’t at all rude. It is rude to expect others to be always available to you.

I agree with this. Someone setting a boundary about their availability can feel rejecting I suppose but it’s perfectly reasonable.

Dishwashersaurous · 26/05/2022 09:29

Why on earth is it rude?

You'd say it on the phone or in person to end a conversation. So doing the same in writing is sensible.

Much more rude to simply leave a conversation hanging. Eg you are chatting and someone just walks off and doesn't say goodbye would be rude.

VWCV · 26/05/2022 09:29

I don't think it as rude and I'm surprised more people have voted that it is.

I would hate to think I was annoying someone with keep texting. They might want to put a movie on or crack on with some housework. Answering your last message then saying "Have a good evening". is fine.

Beautiful3 · 26/05/2022 09:30

No, definitely not rude. It's a polite way of saying bye.

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