Should I report my friend

[Natalialikes]

I have no idea if this is the right place to post. I'm still shocked by what I was told yesterday.

I'm not posting to judge about his treatment of his family so please read on.

My husbands best friend has left his wife and kids for a very troubled woman. We know she suffers with mental health and she has a history of making rape allegations and alcoholism.

They are basically at it like rabbits and have been for the last 3 months. Yesterday, he admitted to my husband that this woman gave him a bj in a cinema... whilst watching a kids film... and the woman's son sitting next to them. Apparently she put a coat over her head so the child couldn't see but I've hit the roof. Its made me feel sick.

He didn't come outright and say it. He told my husband the bj story and then let slip days later what film they watched. My husband clocked it was a kids film so confronted him on where the kid was. He eventually admitted he was sat with them. We both think it needs reporting to the police. Is this reportable? I have no proof. This is only a story that was told to my husband who reacted very angrily to his friend. There's other stuff too but this is the worst thing. The kid is 8. Not to mention other children would have been present. It's made me want to throw up.

How old are this man's children?

Well done to your husband
This guy sounds utterly bizarre tbh.

1 and 6

Well done to your DH. Really feel for him though 😞

Yes. It doesn't suprise me tbh. They are a close family in that they tell each other a lot. His sisters are good people and are mortified at his behaviour but they are looking at a little brother. It must be very hard to see through that and look only at the situation. That's why I'm proud of how my husband has acted. He's done something right even though he will suffer tge consequences for it. He knows he's lost his best friend. The best man at our wedding. He is godparent to this guys kids. They were that close but he said a month ago that he doesn't recognise him now. He

I genuinely can't believe 14% (so far) voted YABU! This woman and her boyfriend essentially sexually abused her son. I wonder if the votes would be the same if a man performed oral sex beside his young daughter?

‘It's like he's turned in to a drug addict overnight’

This may be the case, the underlying cause of his change of behaviours, or it could be due to other factors. However, whatever, he has lost his way & sense of what is right & decent. But he is an adult & responsible for his behaviours.

It is the child in this who is our concern.

You & your DH have done the right thing.

He has spoken up & you have backed him up.

Your DH is one in a million. I'm so sorry that he has had to go through this. I have the greatest respect for him, and I hope that knowing he did the right thing will sustain him through whatever happens next.

It certainly is a criminal offence as well as a safeguarding issue. I would definitely report this to the Police and childrens social care OP. For you info:

It is a criminal offence under section 11 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003 for a person over the age of 18 to engage in sexual activity when a person under the age of 16 (child) is present or is in a place from which the sexual activity can be observed, and the defendant knows or believes that the child is aware, or the defendant is intending that the child should be aware, that the defendant is engaging in the sexual activity. If the child is between the ages of 13 and 16, the defendant's mistaken belief that the child is over the age of 16 will negate his liability, providing that belief is both honestly held and reasonable. If the child is under the age of 13, his mistaken belief that the child is over 16 will not negate his liability, irrespective of whether that belief is honestly held and reasonable. The maximum sentence is 10 years' imprisonment.

I'd report to ss as well and tell them it's been reported to the police, not that thet will do much ime but it can build a picture if there are other reports

If it happened recently hopefully the cinema still have the cctv.

This is horrendous and I'm not often shocked.

I really feel for both you and your husband losing a lifelong friend but he has definitely done the right thing. I'd possibly think of warning his own children's mother too. It's really utterly grim behaviour and cannot believe anyone would think otherwise. I have a 9 y/o and would be sickened if anyone done this in front of him, under a blanket or not, it would be very obvious 😔

Social services need to safeguard them as well from him

I would report to SS as well.

Have you told the friend's ex-wife about this, OP?

I don't mean so as to be spiteful or cause more trouble for him but for the sake of his kids. I don't know if you're in contact with her at all but if he did make an attempt to spend time with his kids and took them to his new home would you know about it, now that your DH has fallen out with him?

I would absolutely want to be privy to this information as those kid's mother, especially if he does decide to go for visitation in the future.

Well done to your lovely husband OP. He did the right thing. Absolutely please, please inform his friends ex wife. As you say, he has obviously taken complete leave of his senses. Who knows if it was even the fact that children/this woman's child were around that encouraged her/them?
What's to stop them doing the same thing again - or even worse when there are more children added to the mix.. and in the privacy of a home? It's Vile and horrific.
That poor little lad..

That must have been very difficult for your husband but good on him. I can't believe so many people know about this and have seemingly done nothing!

I know on here we can be brutal about men at times but we all preempt our narrative to say NAMALT.
Today your husband has just proved it, and has kind of restored a little faith in me that there are good men out there.
He did such an incredibly hard thing and set aside his own friendship of 25 years to try to save a child from further abuse.

I'm very sorry for what you are both feeling right now. Losing a friendship can sometimes feel even worse than a divorce and you will probably both need to grieve the friendship. Just try to remember that your actions could ultimately save that kid.

UPDATE

Friendship is well and truly over. Police came and took statements from us. Nothing has been done to our knowledge. They were even out boozing this weekend while leaving her son with an old couple the boy had never met before. We know them and they are lovely but that's beside the point. My husband has been made out to be a bad guy causing trouble by his ex mate and his sisters. To his Credit, the ex mates brother is standing with my husband. Regrets, none. He is 10 x the man his ex best friend is and I've never loved him more

Thank you for updating. Your husband has done the right thing and should be applauded. Sorry to hear that some of his friends family are upset with his actions. How would they feel if it was their children who had been in the cinema? Stay strong.

It sounds to me like the police are gathering a file and waiting on more. I’m sure they’ll have involved social services even if you don’t hear. That poor child it’s such a hard balance of intervening at the right time vs supporting the family unit to stay together.

on the other hand you and your DH sound solid, it’s rather attractive seeing someone stick to their morals in the face of external pressures.

It always surprises me how people react in these situations, how on earth is your husband at fault at all here?!

He did the right thing 🙂