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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I report my friend

97 replies

Natalialikes · 25/05/2022 10:55

I have no idea if this is the right place to post. I'm still shocked by what I was told yesterday.

I'm not posting to judge about his treatment of his family so please read on.

My husbands best friend has left his wife and kids for a very troubled woman. We know she suffers with mental health and she has a history of making rape allegations and alcoholism.

They are basically at it like rabbits and have been for the last 3 months. Yesterday, he admitted to my husband that this woman gave him a bj in a cinema... whilst watching a kids film... and the woman's son sitting next to them. Apparently she put a coat over her head so the child couldn't see but I've hit the roof. Its made me feel sick.

He didn't come outright and say it. He told my husband the bj story and then let slip days later what film they watched. My husband clocked it was a kids film so confronted him on where the kid was. He eventually admitted he was sat with them. We both think it needs reporting to the police. Is this reportable? I have no proof. This is only a story that was told to my husband who reacted very angrily to his friend. There's other stuff too but this is the worst thing. The kid is 8. Not to mention other children would have been present. It's made me want to throw up.

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 25/05/2022 13:11

You can definitely report this to social services who will speak to her about it. They don't need proof to have the conversation and if there is history it will flag up.

Beautiful3 · 25/05/2022 13:13

Please report them to social services. I have a feeling she'll already be on their system. Imagine what other stuff she's done around her child. It is sexual abuse to have sex or do sexual things around children. That child will grow up to be so messed up. Please do the right thing and report them. They are disgusting to have done that.

ChickenBurgers · 25/05/2022 13:19

It’s a criminal offence, so I’d report to the police. And SS to cover all bases, although the police should do a referral if you reported to them but I’d do a report yourself to be on the safe side. If your DH can get some evidence via text message that’d be really helpful too pass on.

Original poster
Natalialikes · 25/05/2022 13:19

Notbeinfunnehbut · 25/05/2022 13:06

Your husband did a very brave thing, but difficult, my concern is how volatile that woman is I hope it doesn’t get nasty .

We've never met her. She doesn't know us from Adam but he is a completely different person since he met her. We don't recognise him. He's gone from devoted dad to couldn't care less. His actions are what they are but there's something sinister about her. She's already told him that she got someone convicted of sexual assault because he wouldn't leave his wife for her. I think that was a warning to him. What sort of person talks like that. I hope we never meet. What I've heard genuinely scares me. Luckily she isn't local. They met on a forum about a stupid video game 🙄. It's a ridiculous relationship but this has gone into whole new territory now.

OP posts:
GrinAndVomit · 25/05/2022 13:21

Well done to your husband for reporting this. I really, truly mean that.
He’s been incredibly brave to do so.
It’s so much easier to turn a blind eye. So much easier to worry about the implications on the adults more than the innocent children.
He’s a hero.

daisyjgrey · 25/05/2022 13:24

Manic depression and ptsd from sexual abuse.

MASH referral. Can be anonymous. People abused as children are more likely to become abusers, the cycle of abuse continues. We see it all the time at work.

RealBecca · 25/05/2022 13:25

You and your husband are very brave and it must have been very hard. X

daisyjgrey · 25/05/2022 13:26

Sorry, I criss posted with your update. Well done for referring. You can still do a MASH referral even after a police report, belt and braces. Hopefully someone will step in and support the mother and child.

Inthesameboatatmo · 25/05/2022 13:28

Report to ss. Even if he is bragging who the fuck actually says shit like.
It's disgusting and messed up. I honestly could never be friends with someone like this .

JukeBoxHero8192 · 25/05/2022 13:32

Absolutely report this! Reading this made my skin crawl! Very creepy and weird that he could even get hard for her to do the bj while her child was sat next to them, let alone during a kids' film presumably in a screen room full of children! Mind boggling

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 25/05/2022 13:34

Your husband did a very brave thing, but difficult, my concern is how volatile that woman is I hope it doesn’t get nasty

that woman is obviously mentally unwell, by that man's own admission.

Let home she fucks the twat off and gets the help she needs to look after her son properly.

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 25/05/2022 13:39

Well done to you and your husband,its not easy, but who this man is now is not the guy you've known and loved for 25 yearsFlowers

I would also report this to SS just to be sure. Even if it was made up he is still having weird fantasies involving children.

He also sounds like he is taking advantage of someone incredibly vulnerable.

Hope you and your dh take some time tonight to absorb what's happened, get a takeaway, put on a film and have some chill out time together, you have had a very tough day.

TooManyPlatesInMotion · 25/05/2022 13:39

Well done to your husband. While it must be gutting for him, he has to question how well he knew his "friend" at all, because this conduct is appalling. That poor child.

Original poster
Natalialikes · 25/05/2022 13:44

RealBecca · 25/05/2022 13:25

You and your husband are very brave and it must have been very hard. X

Not me Becca but thanks. He's the one that's done it. He's heartbroken 😔. They grew up together. We knew what need doing. We just needed to process it today. This all came to a head last night while they were having a pint together. Turns out there are loads of people that knew before my husband and he's the only one that's confronted him about it. I'm very proud of him but also very sad seeing him this upset.

OP posts:
Fulbe · 25/05/2022 13:45

You don't need proof. You should report it to the police. They can gather information from various sources and there may well have been concerns reported elsewhere too.

Original poster
Natalialikes · 25/05/2022 13:46

TooManyPlatesInMotion · 25/05/2022 13:39

Well done to your husband. While it must be gutting for him, he has to question how well he knew his "friend" at all, because this conduct is appalling. That poor child.

It's bizarre. He's completely changed his personality in a matter of weeks. They have been best friends since primary school. It's like he's turned in to a drug addict overnight

OP posts:
Oceanus · 25/05/2022 13:47

You should have reported it by now tbh. Talk to the SS and ask for their professional opinion and take it from there.

Genevieve99 · 25/05/2022 13:55

Well done for reporting. I had to witness things like that when I was around that age and it traumatised me for life, I would have really appreciated it if someone had noticed and cared enough to report it

Gilmorehill · 25/05/2022 13:55

You must still report to social services. IME they act very quickly. God knows how long the police will take.

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 25/05/2022 13:55

Oceanus · 25/05/2022 13:47

You should have reported it by now tbh. Talk to the SS and ask for their professional opinion and take it from there.

Op and her dh have taken less than a day to process some very difficult news about someone they love.

Let's not pretend it's easy to hear something and immediately report it.

Ops dh has reported it now.

Cornettoninja · 25/05/2022 13:56

Your husband should be proud of himself for standing up for this child and reporting this.

As I was reading your OP I was thinking of advising the dc’s school safeguarding if you knew where they went but reporting to anyone official is a huge undertaking and I commend your DH. By your own admission so many people turn away from this kind of thing.

SunshineCake · 25/05/2022 13:57

Absolutely report. It isn't for you to uncover proof.

What about the poor other kids in the cinema too ? Grim.

SunshineCake · 25/05/2022 13:59

Your husband is a decent and honourable man. Well done to him. I'm sorry you are going through this as a couple.

Frazzledmummy123 · 25/05/2022 13:59

I've just seen your update where you said your husband has reported it. That took a lot of guts and he has absolutely done the right thing. Your husband's friend sounds vile!

10HailMarys · 25/05/2022 14:33

Your DH has done the right thing in reporting this. In all honesty, I think it's unlikely anything will actually happen as a result of that report alone, but it is really important to report things like this anyway. This woman could already be on social services' radar, or even already known to the police. Or someone else might have reported seeing something happening in the cinema and this is another piece of evidence. It must have been difficult for your DH to take that step so well done to him.

Other people know. Even his sisters.

Wait, he's been bragging to his SISTERS about getting a blowjob in a cinema? What kind of bloke discusses that kind of thing with his sisters?!