To think I shouldn't need to consult DH before making a GP appointment?

[Themidnightpig]

Just looking for opinions really.

I asked on here a week or so ago about my 9 month olds leg dragging when she crawls. I got lots of comments that it was normal but also a couple that it could be a sign of hip problems etc so it would be wise to have it checked. So I have made a GP appointment for next month.

Anyway my husband is pretty cross about this. He thinks she is absolutely fine and doesn't need to be dragged off to the doctors and we basically ended up in a bit of a row where I said it's no big deal and I think I should be able to take her to a GP without needing to run it by him.

But AIBU? Should doctors appointments be discussed by both parents?

Also, to answer your original question - no, you don't need your DH's permission to take your DC to the GP.

It sounds a bit controlling. Why would he think you needed to run it past him?

From your updates he sounds controlling

My husband is a they are fine guy lots of times they haven't been and I've booked apps without him but told him. He's never got cross though. Maybe it's increased his anxiety over something being wrong and that's how it's coming out

Ah is this an "I am head of the household and all actions shall be ran through me for pre approval" situation?

How is you taking your daughter to the GP an inconvenience to DH?
I just don't understand his issue. How would you feel if there is a problem , you've ignored your instinct because of DH's issues (and he does have issues) and then your DD had problems because it's wasn't dealt with promptly. If you were fussing and booking weekly appointments it would be different but you aren't. Unless he's a doctor who is he to judge whether there is a problem or not.

I always discuss any issues with DD with my DP but not in a gaining permission kind of way, but more of a getting a second opinion. There have been times when DP has been in work and I've not been able to chat to him so made an appointment. It's no big deal and it shouldn't be a big deal, you're worried so you're getting her checked out. Just because your husband thinks differently doesn't mean he's right or has the right to say you shouldn't do it.

I wouldn't discuss it no. I would probably have mentioned it as a concern then mentioned that I have appointment.

If one parent wants medical advice and the other doesn't then you get the medical advice.

I can't believe this was anything more than "really? I wouldn't bother" but he should not be upset or try to stop it.

I think having to discuss it is really weird actually. I have a great relationship with DH and he's an excellent parent and very involved (works part time to take care of the kids more etc), but if one of the kids had a rash or something I would just phone and make an appointment. I would tell him about it obviously, but it wouldn't occur to me to ask his permission or discuss it with him first. I'd expect him to do the same and would be a bit irritated if he didn't make an appointment for one of our children because he was waiting to talk to me about it.

Exceptions to this might be things around behaviour or mental health obviously, where we would discuss what was going on first, but for physical things? No.

If I felt my dc needed to see a doctor I would book the appt. My dh has never booked one for dc because rarely needed to but I am the on who spends more time with dc and have flexibility with work so I'd go ahead. There's no harm in getting it checked, although I'd prob try the health visitor first. There's drop ins in my area so I'd do that.

If mine needed to see a GP when they were kids, I just used to book an appointment and take them.
Surely that is normal? I don't understand the need for discussion first.

Your husband is being unreasonable.

Neither of you are medical experts. Babies cannot describe what's wrong. If there is a chance there is an issue with your baby, there is no harm to take her, but there may be harm in not taking her.

If you were taking her all the time and it was impacting on her life (it was interfering with her nap times, she was missing classes etc) then he might have a point but he is ridiculous to say 'you'll be taking her all the time for every little thing' when you've literally never taken her.

It's your baby too and there is no negative impact in taking her so take her if you want.

Me and my husband have a similar dynamic to you in terms of him being blasé about medical issues. I'd say I've taken my two who are primary school age maybe 20 times. Most times he was right and they were fine, once though one of them had an acute and rapidly worsening urine infection and ended up on various antibiotics. We caught it before it turned really nasty and would have been in hospital if not. I'd still go 19 times to help my child that one time they really needed.

Also there was another issue similar to your daughters hips that we both thought was fine and did get picked up through another medical issue, and I wished we had pushed it. Sometimes small issues are easy to fix when they are young but can cause worse issues when they are older

I agree appointments for kids should be discussed by both parents, but one shouldn't need the other's permission to take them for something reasonable e.g. dentist, optometrist, GP etc. I would want to know in advance if my ex had booked a GP appointment for our child, as I would want to know what was wrong; I wouldn't want to control him going. FWIW, I would take my child to the GP if I was in your place. If there's nothing wrong, great; if there is something, hopefully it will be caught earlier enough to treat.

I would tell my DH I was bringing the child to the doctor and just bring them. Not once have I ever needed him to agree with me or give me permission. I honestly don't understand that.

I would inform my husband that such and such thing is concerning me and I am booking GP appt. But having a row over not telling him? Odd.

We would discuss it but tbh the most concerned parent always wins, the other will always think “well I may be wrong and it will put the others mind to ease if everything is ok”. Neither of us have ever kicked off for the other one wanting our DC to see a doctor. I don’t think there’s anything ever wrong with trying to seek care for your child.

H and I don’t always agree about whether our children need to see a doctor however we still take them if one sees the need. I’m much more laid back and think home remedies first whereas IMO h can panic. However if I grew up where he did and in the conditions he grew up in I would be more panic stricken too. So i give him a break and just go - I’ve always made it clear to the doctor concerned that this is the case. They have been nothing but reassuring.

We do discuss it. We have sometimes disagreed on the need to take them but as others have said in that scenario the concerned parent ‘wins’ (provided the concerned parent also books the appointment and takes the kid).

He’s being unreasonable. It’s not like she’s got a runny nose and you’re rushing her to the GP. A dragging leg is something a doctor should check out. If you take her and the GP says there’s nothing wrong then that’s that - no harm done at all. If you don’t take her and there is something wrong, then you/she could end up with a serious problem.

The language used here is odd "dragged off/marched off to the doctors" were these words he used? I'd respond saying nobody is doing any dragging nor marching

I would say that you're 'very offended that he doesn't trust your opinion that she's potentially got an issue'

Fingers crossed she is absolutely fine

When it comes to the health of your child, trust your own instincts. My ex told me I was being ridiculous when DS, then 4 months, was limp and grey. I jumped in the car, against his will, and drove to the nearest hospital, crashed the car on the way as I was so stressed, and my DS's life was saved. He had sepsis. If I'd listened to my ex, I wouldn't have my son now. An extreme case, I know, but never, ever let anyone overrule you in health matters.

My dc has multiple issues, if I had listened to my DH, he wouldn't have been diagnosed or had operations to correct, GPs would rather check and there be no issues, than ignore a potential issue.

Good luck for you appt with your dc.

Exactly this.

Our baby woke up with terrible conjunctivitis a couple weeks ago. I said to DH I’m making a doctors appointment for her. I wasn’t asking him I was telling him. I’d expect him to do the same.

erm, if you have concerns of course you are totally right to get them checked by a GP. For him to stop that is worrying. Of course discuss it, but as a parent you should always go with your gut instinct.

My DH would appreciate that I'm making the effort to take our child to the dr. or the dentist, or whatever it may be.
Your DH sounds weirdly controlling. Imagine being annoyed by that