Please tell me if im being unreasonable because if I am then fair enough and I'll just put it behind me!!!
So my partners daughter is now 10 I have been in her life since she was three me and my partner have also had a son.
Contact with my stepdaughter was inconsistent for around 4 years of being with her dad due to reasons such as she does not want to come she wants to stay at home she isn't comfortable at our house she has other commitments. Stepdaughter mum has never had any rules for stepdaughter so we never had anything to go by (as i asked plenty of times what is her routine and we will stick to it our end there never was one so we all did it the best we could)
We would then get messages like I'm stopping contact because you can't always expect to be the fun parent and take her out all day. We didnt do this for competition we did this because we didn't enjoy just sitting at home doing nothing all day me and and partner aren't sit indoors types when we're alone, we like to be out and about and as blantant as that she stopped contact no joke!
Then a few weeks later we would get messages such as I am struggling with my mental health and I was all over the place she misses you I think she should come and stay for 2 weeks so just like that we hadn't been allowed contact for a few months we would send letters and pictures and boxes of stuff to her address because we wasn't allowed to speak to her on the phone this is when she was around 3-7 so bam we now have a child for 2 weeks straight it was uncomfortable for all of us and would take a few days to settle I can't imagine how it must of felt for my SD to all of a sudden not see or speak to her mum for 2 whole weeks we would try and call but SD wouldn't speak on the phone or her mum wouldn't answer if we called her mum for things like what does she eat or what time does she go to bed she would say it's your time not my job to guide you through it to make it easier for yourselves.
Anyway SD is clearly affected by this in the types of behavior she shows but we just love her laugh joke and talk about her and what she likes to do she has no idea how we feel about the situation she is a child and it's not her place to carry emotions she did not cause.
So when I fell pregnant with my son I told my partner we need to go to court for regular contact this had always been a conversation before hand but we never had the money to process the application as we was private renting but due to moving into a council flat it freed up alot of money and we used everything we saved for the baby for court I brought everything for my son second hand his sister was worth more than a brand new pushchair!
The court granted access within a few weeks of the application we were told by the solicitor they said mums reasons for stopping contact were taken lightly and they felt we had every right to have her we then started to have her every other weekend and half the holidays it was an adjustment at first but it started to get easier as she became more comfortable and at home.
Then we got hit with the news her mum and new and latest boyfriend got married after 2 weeks of knowing each other and was moving her children away she had 2 boys and SD the two boys did not see there father either.
They moved 280 miles away now my partner traveld still every other weekend picking her up and dropping her off so with maintenence included we were paying 500 a month just to pick her up and pay maintenence.
He begged his ex please can they stop the maintenance so he could continue the regular relationship with his daughter and the only reason he asked this was because she told him that they were moving away because her husband is on 49k a year and there house is included so we just assumed I suppose for the sake of her coming was important we still offered to pay for school trips and uniform like we did spearatly anyway but then our financial situation got worse and we was turning to food banks as I was on maternity and going without power for a few days until payday it was starting to wear me down. She did not agree to stop payments.
So we had to stop seeing SD because we could not afford it we only saw her once a month and then half the holidays:(
Then some good luck happend after 6 months of having to send evidence and train tickets for travel blah blah and the court order the maintenence went down by 100 pound which freed up the fare to be able to pay maintenence and pick up SD regular again but the same say she then went to collect and pay which adds 20% on to the amount you pay.
WHY IS SHE DOING THIS???
Why does she not want us to have a relationship why I'm so sick of it I've had enough its not fair he's an amazing father and now my son is affected by it too because does not see his sister as much its horrible I hate it!!!!