Dd and hairbrushing nightmare

[ShepherdMoons]

My dd has long thick hair, she is nearly 9 and every morning refuses to brush her hair or have it brushed for her. I have explained to her that school say it must be put up (especially as there are always cases of nits in her class).

She complains that it is painful and shouts at me and accuses me of hurting her. I have bought several different detangling brushes, sprays and tried all different approaches to this problem. This morning yet again she stormed off and slammed the door to the kitchen before school resulting in us being late once more for school.

I have suggested cutting it a bit shorter to help her but she is adamant she won't have it cut. I am increasingly stressed about the situation and really don't know what more to do about it.

My dd had hair like this.

Plait it every night. Use a Tangle Tamer ( not Teazer).

Shes 15 now and has a fantastic mane of waves and curls!

Lotus detangling brush ...salons direct..£6. Start at the ends....amazing...

Is her hair wavy or curly?

This makes a huge difference. If yes, then you need to revamp your approach to it.

@Emmelina
Pretty much crossed post..looks like we're running a horse product business 😂

Sounds like my mother and me when i was younger, Used to be beaten with the brush every morning, huge rows washing it. I have very long thick hair still very long. 1st thing do not ask a hairdresser to thin it out this caused my hair to separate that i looked like i had to sets of hair. Invest in a silk pillowcase. Buy a tangle teaser and when brushing start from the bottom and work your way up. Use conditioner when washing but only on the ends. Get morracan oil and decant some into a spray bottle and water it down spray on the ends when brushing. If there is a know make sure you hold the hair so you are not pulling the scalp when brushing and gently tease it out. Get her to watch you tube videos about doing hair and see how good plaits and buns on top of head look on her. You can sleep like this too. If you get the silk pillowcase if will reduce the fly aways too when sleeping with hair up. Ask her hairdresser to talk to her about the importance of looking after her hair. She will be thankfull when she is older

Oh wow, so it does 😂 I’ve actually not tried a grooming brush but never say never!

Somebody said leave it and let her see what happens. Please don't. My DD, when rather older (and therefore a bit harder to insist) went through a phase of not brushing hair. Then it got so she couldn't brush it, it was so matted. When she finally let me get involved, it was beyond possible - three hours barely got us anywhere. Our hairdresser was great - in the end we worked at home to loosen it a little before taking scissors to it, trying to keep a few cm away from the scalp, and then she went to the hairdresser to sort out what was left.

Tangle teasers are a life saver! They’re a little bit expensive but totally worth it!

And I bet after that your DD brushed her hair. Actions, meet consequences.

Could try giving her some paracetamol 30-60 minutes before brushing. Certainly helps with waxing!

All the advice on here about brushing wet with conditioner, platting and leaving in is the best advice.

Buy a conditioning detangling spray, and a shine spray (often nice coconut ones in superdrug) and spray a little bit of those on each morning if the hair looks messy. Then maybe a few nice clips, like bulldog tooth ones which can clip up her hair in a half up, half down style you can do without brushing it.

Agree with PPs, brush and plaits for bed. We have to brush DDs morning and night and keep it plaited, if we skip a day it is a nightmare to de tangle.

Brush while wet and full of conditioner in the bath or shower. Plaiting if you want minimum fuss later.

Is her hair curly? If so, you should avoid brushing when dry and I would look into leave in conditioners or mousse. I love hair mousse and I have very thick, long curly hair.

If her hair is more straight - have you considered running straighteners through it?

I would also not recommend leaving thick hair down overnight - it gets ridiculously unruly. I prefer a bun on the top of my head but a plait would work

Give it a good brush through while wet and covered in conditioner. That should get the tangles out.

I always thought brushing wet hair was a no no because it stretches and breaks?

Tangle teasers are useless on my thick hair, but hair angel brushes or wet & dry brushes go through my hair really easy. Would highly recommend.

All the above advice is good.

I would only add that my DD who has lovely thick long hair which she did not like brushing as a tween benefited from a few times coating her hair with coconut oil on a weekend or holiday (takes time to wash it out after it has been massaged in and left for a few hours). You can also find extreme conditioners that you leave in for some time.

Plaiting worked well, tangle teezers were too lightweight for her.

Also currently she wears a silk bonnet at night and her hair does not break, frizz or knot any more. Huge difference. Length is now to waist.

I remember when my dd went swimming in the morning with school. In the afternoon soneone managed to plait her hair in lots of plaits.

Chris what a nightmare. Thick curly hair covered in chlorine then plaited. It took me 3 hours to get them out.

Also to add that one year she decided to cut it and we donated the hair to charity which she felt very good about. This might be something you could discuss with your DD as a possible way to help another girl who has lost her hair.

Are you brushing from the bottom up?

Take her hair in hand, hold it so she can't feel the pulling from the very bottom. Get that all untangled.

Then move upwards very gradually so you never pull the brush down and it gets caught in a mess of knots.

ALways from bottom up.

A conditioner helps.

We had this with DD at 9. We bought a tangle teezer for our dog and that is brilliant, along with Mane and Tail detangler (loads of it, in wet hair after bath) and it has changed our lives. Detangle and brush after bath, and in the morning more spray and a quick brush. Every other night bath. Is now totally fine.

That was me as a kid. You are probably being too rough.
Wearing hair in plaits helps a lot.

I screamed the place down every morning as a kid for several reasons;

1. The brush felt like needles against my scalp - solution: something with flexible but not sharp bristles.
2. The brush was dragged through from the scalp down to the ends, pulling great clumps out - solution: hold the ends in one hand as you do that part, then work up to the roots.
3. My hair was only brushed once a day and put into a tight ponytail with a tiny rubber band, meaning it was scraped up and then subject to more abrasion - solution: putting it into a plait and securing at the ends with a looser covered hairband, not at the scalp.

OK, there was also the issue that my mother hated doing it and me so she was very heavy handed and likely to wallop me over the head after smacking the needle-like bristles into the same tender patch on the back of my head every single time, but once I learned about brushing hair that way instead, I found that it wasn't just really easy for me, I could use the same technique on the DDs and SDD, who all had variations of long, thick and wavy hair and not have any problems at all.

Something else that helps me now to reduce tangles is to use Miracle Water before a quick condition and I have a silk pillowcase, which definitely helps over the course of about a fortnight. My hair isn't thick, but it is very wavy, so I'd sometimes wake up looking as though it was made out of boiled wool.

It's also possible that you could look into her having a loose plait at night - forcing her to have it cut shorter will be very upsetting for her and can actually make tangles even more likely, as the ends are all right at pillow level to get roughed up.

I had this with mine and now at almost 16 she's being assessed for ASD and ADHD. Lots of sensory issues that have just got worse and worse and looking back at all the signs I missed when she was small like the over the top reaction to hair brushing.

Not necessarily that of course but worth thinking about. Girls often present very different to boys

@40andlols interesting, so’s mine. Just a 21 month waiting list🙄