Dd and hairbrushing nightmare

[ShepherdMoons]

My dd has long thick hair, she is nearly 9 and every morning refuses to brush her hair or have it brushed for her. I have explained to her that school say it must be put up (especially as there are always cases of nits in her class).

She complains that it is painful and shouts at me and accuses me of hurting her. I have bought several different detangling brushes, sprays and tried all different approaches to this problem. This morning yet again she stormed off and slammed the door to the kitchen before school resulting in us being late once more for school.

I have suggested cutting it a bit shorter to help her but she is adamant she won't have it cut. I am increasingly stressed about the situation and really don't know what more to do about it.

Liquid Silk by Biosilk (and no, not lubricant 😇) does wonders to my DD hair. A little bit goes a long way in detangling, combined with TangleTeezer, smells nice too!

I would spray with water and a conditioning spray every night (coconut oil or something similar mixed with water in a spray bottle can be a good cheap option), section into two with a wide tooth comb and plait very tightly. Next morning just go to school with the same plaits in with some water spray down to sort fly aways, or remove plaits, spray again and run fingers through to remove tangles. Pop a headband on or get dd to do a rudimentary ponytail - she will be clumsy at first but it will get better. I’d opt to wash twice a week and just do the same routine, I would not even bother with a blow dry, just air dry and plait. Plenty of conditioning spray and it never needs to get knotty. You will get it down to a five min routine before bed of quick finger comb, spray, plait. Her hair will be in lovely condition and give it a year or so she will probably want to either cut her hair or do it herself.

get thee to B&M bargains for a wide tooth comb, coconut oil, condition and one of those packs of like 200 hair bands. Tell dd a new routine starts tonight and she has a week to stick to it or the hair gets cut.

DO NOT just leave your daughter to it. My parents did this with me and I ended up with horrible matted, knotted hair that was disgusting. I wish my mum had taken better care of my hair as a child.

Wet it before brushing (use a water spray like the bottles you get for plants) and then plait it while it's wet.

Are you sure her hair is actually 'thick' and not just curly that you keep trying to brush out. Most 'naturally' curly hair still needs a lot of help and work to curl.

Is it straight or curly? because they have different needs. Don’t brush curly hair dry, please.

Btw she will get nits whether it’s down with a headband to keep it off her face or in plaits or scraped back in a bun - it’s a bit of a myth that tying it up helps. The biggest nit culprit in my class once was a boy with very very short hair almost shaved! He constantly had them. However if she does get them and won’t let you touch her hair, then dealing with them will be worse. She needs to get used to the feeling and concept of having her hair cared for and then taking over herself as she grows.

Can you have a couple of her friends over and instigate a chat about how they manage their hair so that your daughter might pick up from her friends that other parents don't tolerate crappy behaviour or that other children take a pride in their appearance?

We went through this my daughter has really thick hair and always screamed when we brushed it. My husband seemed to be better at doing it than me and we usually managed to get a lot of conditioner on it when she was in the bath and comb it gently through then.
We have had days where she just wouldn't brush it and would it would end up in a pony tail with a massive knot it in however a few months later now she's 12 she is not seen without a hair brush and is mortified that she went to school in a massive tangle only a few months ago. She religiously brushes her hair every morning and night!

Are you dragging the comb in brush through from the scalp or starting at the bottom end of the lock of hair?
I do the latter with my own hair and then work my way up. I also hold a lock of my hair in my hand so the pulling is from the hand down rather from the scalp.

If her hair is curly? Please don't brush it dry. Bet it really hurts. Run fingers through when wet with loads of conditioner.

I personally have some sensory issues and my hair feels very painful to brush, not ASD but I'm sensitive to things like TV these days don't have one.
To touch on previous posts If I had someone to plait my hair at the moment that's exactly what I'd be doing.
No shampoo, try natural conditioners like cider vinegar, it's really good and will definitely help keep away the lice.
If you want to shampoo things like natural Castile liquid soap doesn't strip the oils like a lot of shampoo's also there are some good natural moisturising shampoo bars out there.
If you've tried all the bigger/wider toothed brushes and combs out there try getting her to run her fingers through her hair before washing it if that's at all possible.

P.S You can put a small amount of coconut oil in her hair, it will help, but please don't do what I did years ago and get carried away..if someone had lit a match..

My dd had hair like this, it was a nightmare! In the end what sorted it was a silk pillowcase and washing her hair in the morning every couple of days to comb through the conditioner with a tangle teaser and then leave it. Brushing when dry will only make it worse, it causes knots in hair like this.

Are you my mum posting from 30-odd years ago?

Have the hairdresser thin her hair out. Comb conditioner through when it's washed. Plait it for bed and for school. When brushing or combing, start from the bottom and work upwards. Hold the top of her hair flat to her head whilst combing out the ends to prevent pulling.

@KarenLovesRosario coconut oil mixed with water or a coconut oil based spray product is best. Neat coconut oil is ok for some hair types others it looks like you’ve dipped your head in a chip pan!

i Have similar issues here (ASD and sensory)
sprays are okay. But we had to get a Pantene detangling milk recently as the sprays were out of stock and it’s amazing! That with a “wet brush” seems to be faring a lot better. It’s in a gold bottle with a purple pump.

My DD was a nightmare with having her hair brushed as well when she was younger, she just grew out of it eventually, no miracle cure I'm afraid!

@Blueeyedgirl21
That's exactly what it looked like 😆
Took forever to stop me looking like I was going to an Elvis convention.

Lots of good tips here on detangling!

How often does she need her hair washing? My hair (and my DCs have the same hair now) never used to get greasy as it was so coarse textured so could go a good few days - I used to have it in halo/Heidi plaits and just leave it like that overnight for a few days (as long as it was clean). If they are done well they will stay in place for ages and be comfortable to sleep in. It really reduces the problem as it isn't tangled when you take them down, they look nice it and it reduces the amount of hair washing. DH used to do mine and the DCs, it took him quite a lot of You Tube videos and learning but was a life saver especially when he could do it quickly. I used to have mine wound around the crown of my head more as it was comfier to sleep in. (You do need quite long hair for this but it's worth it).

I have long, thick wavy hair. I never brush it (although I actually enjoy it being brushed. But unfortunately it makes it frizz).

Tangle teezer was a total waste of time. It just skims over my hair. The only brush that works is a huge paddle brush.

I'd suggest just not brushing it. I comb mine after washing it and always use conditioner. Sometimes I don't even comb, and just run my fingers through my hair whilst conditioning to get the main tangles out. It works fine.

I do wear my hair up, mostly in a loose bun or plait. High ponytails and tight styles give me a headache very quickly. But I just run my fingers through it to make it acceptably neat. No need for a brush. Maybe try that?

The Gliss liquid silk spray is really good for detangling. You put it on wet hair and then brush and for dry hair just spray the brush.

Honestly though, her choices would be either brush it, let you brush it or have it cut. There is no 4th option. You want it long you have to look after it.

Hair wash & a hair mask on it. Rinse it out. Bush hair with wet version of tangle tamer brush in tiny chunks from bottom to top of head. Then do a plait. Undo plait to brush out each morning. Redo plait.
Repeat!

Or a bob. Her choice. Matted hair is not acceptable.

Another add on, do you have anywhere near you that sells horse combs and brushes? Because it's pretty much where many of anti tangle stuff came from for humans, or look online. Might be something you haven't tried.

Mane and Tail shampoo and conditioner has also been a wonder :) yes, it’s good for human use :)

she needs to get a good trim-at least a couple of inches, as dry hair knots very easily and badly, and use a comb not a brush, comb from the ends to the roots, if you go root to end, it tightens the knots and tangles

Can you tell us more about her hair and texture? Does she have curly hair?