AIBU to want to pull ds from nursery

[Hiddyhi]

My ds has started nursery recently. He's recently started having a severe reaction saying no nursery at home and everytime we approach the nursery road starts screaming and crying, arching his back saying no nursery no nursery please no nursery and refusing to go in without a complete meltdown where he is hyperventilating. He is often hoarse when I pick him up I pressume from where he has been crying so much and he is always in tears when I collect him. Nursery say this is normal in the early days.

I only put him twice a week for a break because I have a new baby and he loves other kids so thought it would be good socialisation for him. I am fully aware a lot of people don't have this luxury so not looking to provoke, just wondering what others would do if you didn't have to send dc in would you just keep them home if you could?

How old is he ? Has he ever been in childcare ?

I’d pull him out

It is totally normal at first. Does he settle once he's there even after a while of tears? If he's 3 he'll need to get used to this in time for school anyway so I'd probably persevere.

He's 2

Never been in childcare before

How old is he? It sounds pretty normal if he's old enough to speak and especially if he's never been in childcare before. Also he'll be struggling with the adjustment to the new baby in the house. I'd persevere.

2 days is hard, children usually need a few days to help settle.
Could you do more half days and less full days?
I wouldn't pull him out, he has to get used to being away from you at some point.
Do you see pics from him during the day, interacting having fun that may put your mind at rest?

If he's 2 then I'd try again when he's older (maybe in a year? )

He doesn’t need it at two he needs to feel secure at home with you and get used to having a baby as well.

Tears at the door are normal in the beginning, but that seems quite extreme. Have you had any feedback of how he is while he's there? My eldest was reluctant going in for a long time but they would send photos of vidios of him playing happily 10 minutes later.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers no they just do chat at handover. I think if I could see pics perhaps it would help reassure me but then I'd be distracted while he's there waiting for updates. I don't know what to do.

Totally normal to be doing this, especially starting this late. It's stressful for them to begin with as it's a long time away from you. We found it helpful with our girl to start 'advertising' it on the way, whilst she was still calm, such as "do you think you'll do some painting today/ play with trains/ play shop?"

Some kids find it harder than others. Especially so at the moment, where settle sessions aren't really a thing.

Is he doing half or whole days?

so we had an online journal where pics were uploaded, not daily, but perhaps weekly.

How old is your LO?

I think 2 days when he's never been in childcare before and has a new sibling will be a very tough combo. I think either pull him out or if you want to continue then up his days if you can, or even do 4 half days instead of 2 full.

@PeekAtYou half days

(No judgement for using nursery while you're off btw, I left my 2yo in fulltime when I was on maternity leave, but she was already settled and happy there before the baby arrived. I think you need to tread carefully here.)

Did you start him in nursery before the baby was born or since? If before then depending on how old baby is I would expect him to have settled by now(unless baby is under 5 months). I'd pull him out. My eldest was in nursery before her brother was born and as she was settled I kept her in whilst on maternity leave (she went two mornings a week and was 15 months old even he was born). If she had been as upset as your son I'd have kept her home whilst on my maternity.

If nursery say it's normal I'd take their word for it. It's hard but I'd give it another couple of weeks and see if it gets better.

@Sceptre86 started after when baby turned 4 months

How do nursery say he is during the day when you aren’t there? Is he crying all day or is he calming down and enjoying it once you’ve gone?

I kept my son in nursery when we had a new baby, but he was already at nursery - I wanted to keep as much consistency as possible. Starting childcare at the same time as having a new baby sibling is two massive changes at once.

I think it comes down to whether you need those two days for just you and the baby.

2 half days is not enough to settle him, sorry. Either do more time or pull him out.

I'd say that's a bit extreme, can't you take him to a mother and toddler group where you stay with him to get him more used to it/socialise. If that's too much with your newborn he won't come to any harm by waiting a while. One of mine didn't like going to playgroup which was a couple of mornings a week at 2, he was the more clingy to me than the other two, I pulled him out and when he went to preschool a year or so later he was fine. He may well not like the fact that he knows newborn is at home with you either, may not have been the right timing for it💐

Ask what he is like there. Some children gind seperating from Mum difficult rather than actually been there. My ds would cry at drop off but was very happy there

Oh just seen you’re only doing two half days not two full days - I don’t think that’s enough time for him to settle properly. Loads of nurseries require a minimum commitment of two full days for this reason. I’d either increase his hours or if I couldn’t afford that then I’d withdraw him.