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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell him he can’t come round

68 replies

Beachbreak2411 · 23/05/2022 19:22

Had a date with a guy about a month ago; we’ve known each other for years and have been chatting for months. All seemed great. Somehow first date ended up being him coming to my house and me cooking (he turned up completely empty handed). He was quite pushy and ended up staying here the night. He left something here. Since then contact is sporadic.. either he texts loads.. or not at all for a few days. Tonight he’s decided he wants to come over, I said no as I’m tired and in crap mood / have early start tomorrow.. then he said he just wants to pick item up. I don’t want to see him tonight and I don’t want pressure to invite him in (he lives about an hours drive away). AIBU to say no?

OP posts:
Whatsonmymindgrapes · 23/05/2022 19:23

Say you’ll post item

Aquamarine1029 · 23/05/2022 19:25

He's a fucking rude creep. Tell him no, and tell him you will not be answering the door. If he wants you to leave said item outside the door, you will, but he will not be coming inside, not will you be speaking to him.

Get rid of this man and block him. Red flags all over the places.

frenchie4002 · 23/05/2022 19:25

Say you’ve had a last min change of plan/family emergency and you will leave the item outside or with neighbour?

Aquamarine1029 · 23/05/2022 19:25

*nor will

Thingsdogetbetter · 23/05/2022 19:27

No one travels an hour to pick up staff they haven't needed for a month. He's going to turn up and bluster his way in and stay the night again. So obviously you say no. Tell him you'll post his stuff tomorrow.

After he was such a cf on the first date turning up empty handed and was pushy, why are you still bothering with him and his sporadic contact?

edwinbear · 23/05/2022 19:27

If he frequently ignores your messages, now seems as good a time as any to reciprocate. You’ve told him no, I’d just ignore any further messages.

pictish · 23/05/2022 19:29

edwinbear · 23/05/2022 19:27

If he frequently ignores your messages, now seems as good a time as any to reciprocate. You’ve told him no, I’d just ignore any further messages.

Yep.

Ihatethenewlook · 23/05/2022 19:29

Why are you even still talking to him? Did you have sex with him the night he refused to leave?

BiscoffSundae · 23/05/2022 19:30

Leave it outside 🤷‍♀️

Vikinga · 23/05/2022 19:31

Say you'll post the item or leave it in the recycling bin but you're not going to be in/going to bed. Dont answer the door.

FictionalCharacter · 23/05/2022 19:35

Aquamarine1029 · 23/05/2022 19:25

He's a fucking rude creep. Tell him no, and tell him you will not be answering the door. If he wants you to leave said item outside the door, you will, but he will not be coming inside, not will you be speaking to him.

Get rid of this man and block him. Red flags all over the places.

This. Get rid before he becomes a real pest.

Inthesameboatatmo · 23/05/2022 19:37

Tell him you'll post said item then ghost him op.

OurChristmasMiracle · 23/05/2022 19:48

I would say “happy to leave item in a bag on the door handle but as I have already said I don’t want company tonight so I would appreciate if you didn’t knock. let me know if you want me to leave it out for you”

and If he knocks/calls you ignore

we are so conditioned that we actually feel we have to justify not wanting to see someone/not wanting someone to
come to our own homes. No, not tonight should be sufficient!

billy1966 · 23/05/2022 19:51

Aquamarine1029 · 23/05/2022 19:25

He's a fucking rude creep. Tell him no, and tell him you will not be answering the door. If he wants you to leave said item outside the door, you will, but he will not be coming inside, not will you be speaking to him.

Get rid of this man and block him. Red flags all over the places.

This.

Otherwise ignore him completely.

Pushy git.

WomanHere · 23/05/2022 19:55

Definitely not unreasonable. Post the items, delete messages and block. He isn’t arsed about you, sounds like his sporadic texting happens when he is horny and he wants sex tonight.

Lex345 · 23/05/2022 19:56

Don't answer the door if he just decides to turn up anyway. He sounds like a complete asshat. Pushy, manipulative and demanding is never a good sign at any point, but after one date is frankly terrifying.

Alcibiade · 23/05/2022 19:56

Very pushy, and probably a bit manipulative. Sounds like he left an item there so that he could use that as an excuse for coming over again.

Tell him that he is welcome to come over to pick the item up, then, when he turns up, just return it to him at the door, wish him good night and tell him you have to get ready because you have other plans.

Brideandprejudice · 23/05/2022 19:59

Sounds like a creep. Ghost him

Oysterbabe · 23/05/2022 20:01

'I'm not available, I'll leave it on the step"

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 23/05/2022 20:10

He doesn't care about the item, he wants a free meal and a free shag. Tell him to fuck off. You can post his item. He's using you and couldn't care less about you.

orwellwasright · 23/05/2022 20:39

Sounds like a booty call. Leave the 'item' outside and delete his number.

Original poster
Beachbreak2411 · 23/05/2022 22:24

Thanks all.. kind of what i thought. I told him he could come and get it but I’d leave it outside. He replied saying he’d sooner it wasn’t left outside so I just said I didn’t want company and if he needed it tonight that’s where it would be. He’s been messaging constantly but not replying. Deff is horny and only wants that….. best bit… he’s paid for and sent me an Audio book (a Tony Robins one) he thinks I aught to listen to … and when I have I might not be miserable and he’ll come round 🤣🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
Beachbreak2411 · 23/05/2022 22:25

but I’m not replying

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 23/05/2022 22:28

I certainly hope you never see this man again.

7eleven · 23/05/2022 22:28

Oh dear OP. He’s a twat and one to cross off your Christmas card list!