To want to go to hospital appointment with DH?

[justonemire]

DH has had investigations for a life limiting illness. Last week he received a letter to confirm he does have this illness. We are in our forties with young DC and this is devastating news. DH has an appointment with the consultant in 4 weeks time. This is our opportunity to find out how bad things are and if there is any treatment. The letter says due to Covid you cannot take anyone with you. He really needs the emotional support. AIBU to think I should be allowed to go to this appointment? Has anyone broken this rule and we're you challenged at the hospital? Not sure what to do for the best. Don't want to annoy the consultant and not get the best treatment we can as a result.

Sorry to hear this news, I would contact the consultant or PALS to explain the situation, does your dh want you there with him.

I'd be surprised if this is still the case our hospital has been letting people be accompanied for months. I'd call and ask. Or check their website it may be more accurate than the letter.

I’d call and speak to them. I think in most cases people can attend appointments alone but for something like this I agree you should be able to be with him. 💐

When DH had his diagnosis meeting with the consultant I was allowed to go with him (this was in 2020 so at the height of lockdown etc). I would call either PALS or the clinic to confirm. We were told that in cases like this two pairs of ears are better than one (and DH missed much of what was said to him). Sending you strength and luck.

I went in with my DH.

If you can't go in with him, at least you can write out a set of questions/concerns to be addressed, so you can review the info together after.
I'm so sorry this is happening😪

Given my dh had trouble relaying what our ddog's vet said last week no way would he be going alone...

Of course you should be able to go, but humanity seems to be a thing of the past. DH was told his cancer was terminal, alone, in hospital, by telephone because his consultant was shielding and no visitors were allowed. He died without ever meeting the doctor treating him.

I went with my Dad this time last year.
💐

Go with him don't ask. State he needs you for emotional support which he does. I run an nhs clinic.and in this situation would expect a partner there to be honest. Rules.are flexible for things like this. Its not like he's just broken.an ankle

I would go. State he needs to emotional support.

Partners are allowed at antental appointments now so why not something like this? Fair enough a routine amount but that isn't what you're going through.

I'm very sorry

I've found that letter templates have not been kept quite up to date so they may allow you in. However I wouldn't even query it I would just attend with him and not even ask.

The letter is probably a standard computer-generated appointment letter. Given the context (just finding out such devastating news), I doubt it would annoy the doctor if you turned up. And even if it did, it would not stop your DH receiving the best possible treatment.

Another one saying you'll probably be able to go - my father was diagnosed with cancer after an emergency admission in December 2020. When he finally met his consultant to discuss long term treatment and prognosis in about March 2021 my mum was specifically allowed to that appointment; she's much better at thinking of questions on the spot, so I'm really glad she could go.

Hi, I am so sorry to read this and just want to give you a big hug. I also wanted to say that I am currently being treated for breast cancer and have found that with a bit of insistence I have mostly managed to have my husband with me when I needed him. I'll be perfectly straight, he has not been with me for any of the actual treatment, so I went in for my mastectomy treatment by myself, all chemo treatments have been done alone, but when it was a case of discussing the diagnosis or possible treatments, he absolutely has been there. The first thing is that these appointments are usually separate from treatments and are fine as a telephone appointment, so I put the oncologist on loudspeaker and we talk to them together. I know phone appointments are not everyone's cup of tea, but I really have found them helpful. If the appointment can't be done just over the phone, I ask why, go into the hospital for the bit that needs to be done there and then join my husband in the hospital grounds somewhere and continue by phone for the rest of the appointment. I usually find that it hasn't even occurred to hospital staff that this might be a solution, but they're fine with it when I point it out. Sometimes I have just put my foot down and said that I need him and unless they want me to go to pieces and have the screaming abdabs while they're trying to talk to me, then they'd better find a way of accommodating it. Admittedly, that way is less successful, but sometimes I just feel bloody awkward!

Call the hospital and ask.

Our hospital would have let people be accompanied in similar circumstances even at the height of the pandemic.

Sorry you're having to go through this. I
think It depends on your hospital trust area. I'd ask him to enquire with the hospital if you can attend with him. If it's still no write out all the questions you both have and ask him to record his appointment.
I think it's barbaric people are facing these appointments in their own, everywhere is operating as normal covid restrictions are no longer in place it's ridiculous hospitals are continuing this practice

Have accompanied dh to numerous appointments in past year.

My mum always goes to appointments with me and she's never been told she come in with me. Apart from once but that place (it wasn't a hospital; it was to do a scan) is tiny.

I expect it's a generated auto style that hasn't been updated. Ours still says please attend the appointment alone even when the appointment is for my 2 year old!

My husband has been coming to hospital with me for my appointments with no issue at all. I also go for regular infusions on my own but most people have someone there with them for company.

I was allowed to go with my husband during peak covid for his first 3 consultant visits (fortnightly), but no others. I waited as close as I could to where he was and he put me on loud speaker so I could ask all the things he wasn’t able to (he obviously wasn’t in the right headspace).

I go to oncology regularly and they let someone come to appointments. The person just has to sit outside the waiting room and the nurse goes to get them when the patient is called in for their appointment. It’s been like that for ages!

Its not like he's just broken.an ankle

Although ironically, when I did just that during the latter days of Covid, I was allowed to have a friend accompany me throughout the time I was in A&E. Jolly nice as that was, I wouldn't have said her company was essential!

But to return to you and your DH, I think you absolutely must try and be with him and I'd be surprised if this was actually forbidden. During my DH's terminal illness (before Covid) he was insistent that I accompany him and certainly to all the diagnosis and prognosis consultations. For starters he simply stopped taking it all in and found my presence really helpful as an extra pair of ears as well as a hand to hold.

Where are you based OP? My father was recently diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia and I have attended all his appointments with him. My mother was encouraged to go in with him for his diagnosis. I would absolutely go with him. I would insist that you need to take notes.