To want to go to hospital appointment with DH?

[justonemire]

DH has had investigations for a life limiting illness. Last week he received a letter to confirm he does have this illness. We are in our forties with young DC and this is devastating news. DH has an appointment with the consultant in 4 weeks time. This is our opportunity to find out how bad things are and if there is any treatment. The letter says due to Covid you cannot take anyone with you. He really needs the emotional support. AIBU to think I should be allowed to go to this appointment? Has anyone broken this rule and we're you challenged at the hospital? Not sure what to do for the best. Don't want to annoy the consultant and not get the best treatment we can as a result.

Our trust still implements this and honestly it's a godsend for my speciality. People bring their whole family for a day out, they distract the sonographer by fidgeting or talking shit or their kids run riot and destroy things etc.

But I think in your situation it's very different and your husband needs you for support. You could contact the consultant/department and ask.

Thank you for your kind messages and sharing your own stories and those of your loved ones. It just feels so inhumane and uncaring. I didn't know if I was being unreasonable to put other vulnerable patients at risk by muscling in. DH won't want to make a fuss but I will phone PALS to ask and I think will just turn up anyway regardless. DH went for a scan recently and everyone else had their partners there supporting. Felt sorry that he had gone on his own although it was just a scan and we knew he wouldn't be told anything. Thanks to all.

P.s. just to say how very sorry I am that you are going through this. Do you have support? Xx

You may gind they actually ask him if he has anyone with him. Our hospital asked me if I wanted DH with me, last year.

Definitely just ignore the letter and show up. You'll most probably find that the consultants are very empathetic and kind and will ensure that both you and your husband are dealt with appropriately. I really hope that you get some more optimistic news at the consultation. There's a huge amount in terms of medical advances/treatment emerging in so many areas right now, so don't give up hope. X

Our hospital has been letting 2 people attend for ages. The appointment letters that my office send out still have the old template saying only 1 person can attend. We need to change this😬

Unless there is an absolute clinical requirement, ask for a phone appointment.

That way you can both be there in the comfort and security of your home.

I have done this several times.

HTH.

I agree with others, the letter templates will have standard things in them. We've recently had two letters through for appointments for my 6yo stating that they must go alone, I'm pretty sure they won't mind me being with him.

Sending lots of strength to you both 💐

@Confusedmeanderings

So sorry to hear of your experience. It must differ across the country because I have actually been invited to attend chemo with my Dad to keep him company. I haven't because it's just treatment, so no need to make notes, he was happy to go alone and I didn't want to put anyone else at risk. It seems so unfair that different trusts have different rules.

@Confusedmeanderings

And sorry, of course, that you have breast cancer! I really hope that the treatment goes well for you! X

I think I will just turn up. Need to persuade DH that will be ok. Do you take a notebook with questions and then write the answer down? I'm so new to all this.

Not sure if the appointment will involve any kind of examination so would prefer it to be in person (and this is what they have arranged)

I think the letter will just be standard and the person generating them won't be aware of individual situations, just turn up, lots of people need support for a variety of practical and emotional reasons. It won't be an issue.

My sister insists on being there with my mum for all her appointments. She's mentally ok, but deaf and gets confused easily. They have only turned her away once (during deepest lockdown).

In your situation, I would also insist.

I am sure I read recently that the Health Secretary has told the NHS to let visitors in and family to accompany patients. Go to the appointment. Explain your dh needs someone to take notes. It is cruel to say no. Have a covid test if possible and wear a mask.

This sounds odd - both myself and my brother accompanied my mum to a consultation in the hospital a month ago.

Hmm this doesn’t seem fair to me. Isolating isn’t even compulsory if you do test positive. Doctors and nurses are in work with covid. Everyone is back at work. It’s not fair OP, I would push back.

Without doubt attend with him, long before Covid, I was dx with MS my neurologist insisted my husband attended the appointment too. So sorry you are going though this

This whole thread makes me so, so 😡😡😡.
@Smartsub I’m so sorry that you and your DH had to go through that. This nonsense has gone on long enough.
I have no experience (thank god) so all I can say is fight for it, don’t worry about what other people think of you. Who cares. Fight for what you and you husband need. Xxxx

I'm so sorry you're going through this .

I would add a small note. I work in a hospital where we are still expected to wear masks and socially distance. We ask that people tell us if they're bringing someone so we can book a room big enough to socially distance from two rather than one person. It might be worth phoning to ask.

Some hospitals / departments are letting people have support others aren't.
I was seen at an EPU and they wouldn't let anyone in except the patient.

I also had a appointment in a different department and was allowed to take someone in.

I had a scan today at a different hospital that let me take someone in 2 weeks ago but wouldn't let anyone else in today.

It's driving me crazy not knowing if I can take someone with me or not.

My husband died of bladder cancer in January, but all the appointment letters during 2021 said he could be accompanied if necessary. He wouldn't have remembered to ask questions on his own, and certainly wouldn't have remembered the answers!

My Mum or my DP has attended every one of my hospital appointments with me since the start of COVID and nobody has challenged it at all. I would just go.

I was allowed someone with me at a diagnosis and treatment planning appointment, but not during the actual treatment.