Unwanted compliments

[cds5163]

Does anyone not like being complimented or am I being unreasonable? Lately I'm just annoyed by any comments made about my appearance. A couple of weeks ago my husband's brothers visited and I had a small talk with the oldest and he goes "you still look young." Wtf, because I am. Then when they leave they tell my husband "how beautiful of a women I am." Why do people feel they need to talk about others appearance and body. I don't. It seems personal.

Then a couple months ago I had a baby and an incident stuck with me. Im not even a week postpartum. I took my baby to our pediatrician. We get along great. She's informed me that she also had a baby. Its been awhile since we seen each other. She asks if we will have any more. My husband is unsure and I'm leaning more towards a yes. Then she turns to my husband and she says something along the lines of "your lucky she looks great, some women don't bounce back." Wtf, not only am I offended for myself, I'm offended for others. There is no such thing as a bounce back. The idea that your body will go unscathed after pregnancy is ridiculous to me. Am I ungrateful for the positive comments?

otherwise, they

How is it 'nice' to tell someone's husband, in front of them, that the husband is lucky his wife has 'bounced back' from birth? I rarely say this, but if a man had said that, I think we'd all be saying how sleazy it was.

Epic humblebrag, OP

Sometimes I want to compliment someone for something like when I see a woman extended breastfeeding and I want to show support. Threads like this are why I don’t. Complimenting isn’t always creepy - it’s supposed to just be nice. To a man or a woman or from a man or a woman. I agree if there’s an unpleasant sexual undertone it’s horrible, but I can’t see how someone saying you look wonderful after having a baby could be anything but nice. Is it just looks based compliments you have an issue with? What if someone complimented your parenting or your sense of humour?

Humble brag 🙄😂

Yanbu it's invasive.
In my team at work we have a ban (decided in a positive way) on body comments and food choices.

I agree with you, I hate it when people comment on my appearance. There seems to be an assumption I will care about their opinion or my confidence/self esteem will be boosted by someone else's approval.

The comment from your paediatrician would annoy me too. She's telling your husband he's lucky because his possession looks good enough to still be attractive to him, it would be such a shame for him if, having given birth, you did not recover a model figure. Pity all those other poor men who were unfortunate enough to have reproduced with women who didn't bounce back. You've just down one of the most amazing things a woman's body can do and STILL it's your appearance which is comment worthy.

It's 2022 FFS, we need to value women for more that how they look.

That would be completely different! Being complimented on your looks is the issue, because how you look isn't important or relevant to a stranger.

You're coming across a proper offendatron!

I'd love to receive compliments.

Hi guys. Thanks for replying. I will try to adress everything. I'll start off by saying the post was an accumulation of incidents that bothered me yesterday. My husband's mom compared our two boys saying one was cuter than the other and I'm like they're two and four years old why did this need to be said at all. Then when I went shopping to the grocery store this man followed me around. I just have to remind myself that the attention that I get, no matter how unwanted/unwarranted isn't always negative but from experiences in my past they didn't always bring good things.

I wanted to keep this light but nevertheless I just posted because I wanted to have a conversation about what I was feeling. I never said my issue was important than anybody else's. Although for those who took it there I think women's issues is a world issue. You will find sexism and ageism a part of every society unfortunately.

But back to me, I realize that postpartum does do a number on me @Qwill and thats really when my insecurities come into to play. It would be nice to be to be regarded for something more than my appearance.

@ahwobabab Im so sorry about your sister. I hope you and her get the support you need.

@ breatheinthemorning
How am I ruining anything for you when you still reaped the benefits of your privilege?

@ahwobabob So sorry for what you and your sister are going through. And WELL SAID!!!!!! Literally no one could say it better!! X

They're NOT complimenting you though are they? They're talking above you, directly to your DH, like you're a prize cow. They're complimenting your DH on his choice of child bearer/wife and it's creepy

To rephrase, actual compliments could have been:

BIL: "Lovely to see you DSIL, you're looking as beautiful as ever"

DR: "Well CDS I see no troubles with you thinking about a second, you've bounced back from this pregnancy so well.

But neither parties did, they gave DH a verbal high five for his choice of wife

YANBU

Well handled op, great responses.

I was about to type exactly that 😂

I think it's downright creepy for the BILs to be saying this in front of you.

I have a friend that purposely gained weight and made herself invisible because of constant unwanted attention she received from men starting at a very early age. This is not a "non problem", but a real issue that women face.

Do be aware that some people give compliments to others simply to boost their self-esteem.

But the OP says why. She says there's no such thing as a bounce back.

Can you really not see why someone who's given birth less than a week ago might not like to hear their husband being told how lucky he is she's still attractive, when she's presumably still bleeding, feeling very raw, and probably not in the least in the mood? Treated like a prize cow is right.

Oh, and I think you'll find a woman one week postpartum has nothing to do with extended breastfeeding.

@Paprikapommes this is exactly how I feel but I couldnt put into words. So sometimes I just don't feel like my own person.This is actually my third and we plan on having one more!

Had enough attention yet? I hope you and Samantha Brick are never in the same place together - men would just explode! 😂

What a miserable world some MN live in, l am sure the intention was well meant, l love getting a compliment, and also give lots out.
Everybody seems to get so easily offended these dsys, its a real shame.

@Wibblywobblyjane I'm most definitely realizing now but it maybe a trauma response with me because I've had really bad experiences with men since an early age too and I would just rather go unnoticed.

How awful for you Op. Theres nothing worse than someone telling you you look great or young or happy or whatever. I’m so sorry they’re complementing you. That’s really awful of them.

I would too! I'm shocked by the amount of posters that failed to see the difference between a compliment and pure objectification.

Can't quite decide it's indoctrinated misogynistic attitudes or they're just massively insecure.