to think that if you regularly work out in gyms...

[daretodenim]

..you haven't been approached by a random woman - not an employee - who off the bat offered unsolicited advice on what you should be lifting or your form?

This idea came up on another thread but I didn't want to derail.

I've not had it happen to me recently because I'm rarely in the gym, but definitely had random men do this when I was there more often. I've got a qualification in personal training and the advice they gave was usually nonsense for my body. I thought it was because I was younger, but a couple of friends have had it recently (since lockdown ended) and they're 49 & 50.

In all my years of working out though, I never had a random woman tell me I should be doing it differently. The most random women would say, if anything, was "Hi" as we passed and recognised each other. Or ask if I'd finished with some equipment. No unsolicited advice at all.

Anybody find women do it too?

YANBU.

I remember one arsehole (male) PT coming up to me and saying ‘you should be here to improve, not to impress’ (or something to that effect) after watching me deadlift 120kg with the implication that I had no business lifting heavy. Most backed off when they got to know me and realised my DH was their boss though!

I’ve not had men offering me advice. I have had men coming up to me saying “are you going to be on there long?” When I’ve literally been on the equipment for 1 minute, not 20. I usually respond “I’m going to be on here as long as it takes” snd they walk off confused.

I work with a lot of men and what I’ve worked out is that when young (under 30) they are quite nice, 30-60 they are arrogant, over 60 mellowed out. Just my opinion. I don’t know why middle aged men are so miserable, but a lot of them are.

I have been graced by the unsolicited advice of Random Man at the gym several times, all about how my form is wrong or why am I doing it this way. Because fuck Random Man, that's why; I pay a professional to help me with my form, I've never injured myself and I didn't fucking ask you. Never has this happened with a woman.

And oh god, the performative grunting.

I now work out at home and thus avoid Random Man, but seriously, fuck that guy. If you see someone obviously struggling, you can always, you know, ask if they need any help or advice rather than launching right in with "you're not using your biceps enough", much as when I see someone struggling with a buggy on the tube, I don't simply grab it and yank it upwards, I catch their eye, smile, and ask if they need any help, thus respecting their boundaries and autonomy.

“one even had the absolute audacity to take my headphones out of my ears to talk to me.“

I had this! I was cooling down on a treadmill and he hopped onto the treadmill next door to try and mansplain intensity training. Man was I pissed.

Has anyone noticed in the gym pool, it's mostly men who hog the slower lanes thinking they're Michael Phelps but actually swimming like a fucking beached whale, splashing everywhere?
I honestly want to drown them.

@Mookie81 worse, they hog the fast lane thinking they’re Michael Phelps! And get inordinately pissed at being overtaken by a woman; refusing to let a woman pass at the end of the lap; desperately trying to speed up when they know a woman is catching up… the works. I hate 99% of male swimmers.

Never happened to me, nor would I dream of giving out unsolicited advice.

Have only ever had it from men, notable one of the male PTs that roam the gym who told me to be careful with how many reps I was doing because 'you don't want to get bulky muscles do you' 🤨

I've had unsolicited advice from both men and women in a range of scenarios. Ranging from people telling me to drink peppermint tea for chronic acid reflux (medical advice tells you not to do this), drinking a glass of water for a migraine. To men helping me park. All the people in each scenario thought they were being helpful, so I politely thanked them and quietly ignored them in each case.
Life if full of people that are going to annoy us to some degree, if its just a minor irritation, I just brush it off. To me it's only a problem if someone won't fuck off and in that instance a more blunt or aggressive approach is needed.

Oh no, I've always found that they hog the faster lanes because obviously no-one, not least of all a mere woman, can swim faster than them. Even if they are going so slowly in doggy-paddle that you'd need a theodolite and GPS to ascertain that they're actually moving.

My last gym didn't have speed lanes in the pool, you were expected to pick a line and stick to it, but that didn't stop the men swimming right up to you to try and make you get out of their way. I used to stop and tell them that what they were doing was dangerous, and that they needed to give other swimmers reasonable space, which made all but the arsiest ones back off (and I was more than happy to get into a shouting match with ones who wanted to argue back).

Some of them were fucking awful though, I got hit and kicked on several occasions and a friend actually had a man swim right over the top of her.

Not in the gym as such, but plenty of women have helpfully advised me during classes e.g. body pump when I've got the bar in the wrong place, or suggested using different weights.

That said, I'm pleased I'm in my running club, where men and women all get along well together, giving advice, ribbing each other, saying "ooooh nice shorts", congratulating good race results, or efforts at training, supporting each other when we're struggling. Maybe running clubs attract different people to those who go to gyms.

I think your point is that the men doing it are basically doing it as a way to come onto the woman.

And when that happens it changes the whole dynamic. Now you've rejected a man who is using your gym. But he doesn't feel the awkwardness of that because in his mind he was only offering help.

So he's made you uncomfortable at no risk to himself. A permanent shield for him 'what? I was only offering my help'

When we all know his real reason.

Great way of explaining it. Thanks.

Maybe running clubs attract different people to those who go to gyms.

Plenty of knob heads in running clubs too. Not with advice but hogging paths or shouting 'coming through' when there's plenty of room to pass.

I've not had this happen or heard of anyone it's happened to in real life, but I notice it CONSTANTLY on Instagram. Any celebrity, male or female, showing a lift in a reel, the men are there in the comments telling them they're doing it wrong. Celebrities with the best trainers in the world or my favourite, Olympic athletes.

Oh there were more replies than I expected but this thread has made me laugh while trying to eat my lunch!

And swimming..oh that's a whole other thread! 😂

Back to Random Man Advice. I think there's a difference between stepping in for someone doing something dangerous (bench press over face and no spotter) and furnishing your unsolicited opinion to someone (female) working out. I don't see these guys go to men and rest their arms on the machine, or interrupt their workout making them remove their headphones, and "offer advice", or tell them they're doing it wrong, or should be lifting more. I've only seen that sort of thing done to women. Maybe men who want to "give advice" to women and absolutely think they're just being helpful should first ask if they'd say it to a bloke who was bigger than them. If so, they should try it out on that bigger bloke first! 😅

And some of us do or have done both.

Maybe running clubs attract different people to those who go to gyms.

Plenty of knob heads in running clubs too. Not with advice but hogging paths or shouting 'coming through' when there's plenty of room to pass.

I think it's easier to control the atmosphere in running clubs with good leadership. Or maybe better to say that the leadership can determine the club's atmosphere. I've attended some that were pretty hostile and another one which is lovely. The nice one is run by a man who runs marathons - lots - but slowly. His goal is to get in before the sweeper! The club has been going for years and everybody is encouraged and supported for their own PBs whether it's 5km or an ultra. There was a case when one woman was getting competitive with others, comparing times etc, and he took her aside for a wee chat and she went back to normal, nice supportive runner!

See not all men are Random Man!

Christ, yes. Fuck off with the sex noises.

I was form checked last week. By a man I had never met before. He appeared, silently, like Mr Ben's shopkeeper and proceeded to tell me why I was doing it wrong.

I was doing some 3/4 push ups and had positioned my hands quite specifically to target various smaller assistor muscles across the shoulder and down my trunk. Not the wide or narrow stance ones that are more usual but ones that would mean I was off balance, that certain muscle groups would have to work harder or would not be recruited at all.

He arrived and stood over me telling me I was doing it wrong, I needed to straighten my legs, not be on my knees, and that my hand positions were all wrong. I finished the reps I was doing then stood my short, round, tapping 60 body up and told him I was targeting my "infraspin and subscap" and needed him to leave me alone. He bloody well stayed staring at me until a PT came across and asked him to move away.

I felt like explaining the decades of experience I have, teaching exercise physiology to university students, being a specialist instructor, an injured older woman etc. But hissing 'Sod off' at him, under my breath, was as far as I went. Next time I will channel the OP of the other thread "Why thank you, Random Man!"

I will get more assertive, may even wear purple!

Normally, just an acknowledgement of ‘Morning’, or ‘Bye’ when there are others in our workplace gym, as it doesn’t have an instructor in unless he has an appointment with someone. We have a duty of care to others using the gym because of this, and we are all aware.
I’ve been weight training for 38 years now, and had only positive interactions with men or women using the same gym, albeit rare in the first place. I have had others ask me about form, use of equipment, that sort of thing, as I’m a long-standing member. I have on two occasions asked someone if they needed help, as they were using the equipment incorrectly, and liable to damage themselves or the equipment. The woman I spoke to was grateful, as she didn’t know what she was doing. The bloke basically told me to F off, and carried on doing what he was doing. I left him to it. He then came up to me when he’d finished his workout, and said that, actually, he didn’t know how to use the stuff, had hurt himself, and could I advise?! I did, and apologised if I’d come across in the wrong way.
Otherwise, I just go in, workout, and sod off. I do agree with other posters stating that men are the only ones who hog equipment, make loud noise, groan, and posture.

Yes, I've had that. And I must be like, two minutes on each machine.

I wish there was a women only gym near me. I used to go in the women's section at Holmes Place and it was bliss.

I don't use the gym, but have had the Random Man advice at a yoga class. Never had this from a woman.

I always hear people saying don't let your knees go past your toes in squats, which simply isn't true.

It is true. Do what you want to your own body, nobody cares.

Advice to anybody going to a gym is to ask a professional, not on a chatboard.

Plenty of women or mixed groups hogs paths and a friendly 'coming through' helps to alert someone you're behind them so you don't make them jump, even if there's loads of room.

And I've had equal twattish behaviour from men and women in the pool.

As a professional (retired) it isn't a global truth. It's advice for those with low levels of stability round the knee joint. Recent research (over a couple of decades) shows that their is nothing inherently dangerous about the toes creeping forward of the knee, in fact it is more functionally approrpriate if they do.

Basically yes, it is wise to go slowly to build up the knee joint musculature, tendons and ligaments but the movement of knees over toes is a perfectly normal movement of the knee and needn't be avoided.