to think that if you regularly work out in gyms...

[daretodenim]

..you haven't been approached by a random woman - not an employee - who off the bat offered unsolicited advice on what you should be lifting or your form?

This idea came up on another thread but I didn't want to derail.

I've not had it happen to me recently because I'm rarely in the gym, but definitely had random men do this when I was there more often. I've got a qualification in personal training and the advice they gave was usually nonsense for my body. I thought it was because I was younger, but a couple of friends have had it recently (since lockdown ended) and they're 49 & 50.

In all my years of working out though, I never had a random woman tell me I should be doing it differently. The most random women would say, if anything, was "Hi" as we passed and recognised each other. Or ask if I'd finished with some equipment. No unsolicited advice at all.

Anybody find women do it too?

In the gyms that I've used, there has always been at least 1 staff member around whose job it is to give advice and who you're supposed to tell if you think someone is doing things wrongly, and who you can ask for advice if you need it. More difficult if it's a 24 hr gym, the one round the corner from work (pre-pandemic) was & a female colleague wore ear buds to ignore getting unwanted male advice after once being followed around by a man seemingly wanting to act as her PT

@Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious

That's true and I certainly don't (give unsolicited advice) but you can't escape looking round the gym when resting between sets and seeing other people doing their thing.

People adapting their lifts is fine, except when it's clearly putting their back at risk. In a case like this I'd question the ability of the PT. In all other cases, who cares as everyone has differences in mobility. I'm just talking about poor form that puts key body areas at risk.

It's impossible to know, hence why I never approach anyone. But as I said, there should be a duty of care. Otherwise we invariably end up wasting NHS resources on later life back, knee etc issues that are wholly preventable. This is what gym staff should be doing, so that randomers don't need to.

I have been going to gyms lifting weights since around 1985, so over 35 years and no one has approached me about my form.

Not the gym but the local butcher tried to tell me how to run round the park. Was suggesting fartlek I think, but I didn’t stop to listen for too long.

Duty of care should be left to people who work in the gym. I’ve no idea of a random man’s qualifications (nor he mine) so I wouldn’t want or accept advice.

I’ve never had random advice from a man or a woman in my gym.

I have myself offered some help on a couple of occasions to women who were clearly new to the gym and were struggling with the equipment and then pointed a PT in their direction

I've had unsolicited, unnecessary (and clearly bollocks) cycling "advice" from a random bloke when commuting. And blokes in the gym feel the need to compliment me on my progress - obliging me to remove headphones while running on the treadmill.
Never women, occasionally a smile or nod between women, but never unsolicited advice or comments.

It's a minority of men who do this but yes never seen a woman do it

Ultimately it's a sad state that we can't help others, especially when you can see they're doing it wrong.

This. I’m not going to stand by and say nothing if somebody is obviously going to hurt themselves or is struggling with a piece of equipment.

Luckily, at my gym, all sessions are supervised so it doesn’t happen often.

I've had randoms try to give me advice, only once was it by a woman, and it was about something I was getting annoyed with, and she asked if she could offer advice rather than blurting it out.

I've also had guys lean on the equipment when I'm mid set, try to pick up and walk off with equipment I'm using, mid-set, and take plates off my bench, when I'm setting up for a 1RM, making the bench vibrate. The last one I snarled at and told them to gtfo my bench. I've even had some guy barge into a session with my coach and try to give me advice on "better" squat form. Both coach and I were stood there with our mouths open for a sec, before he politely asked the guy to leave us alone.

I have never had any problems with women over stepping, or invading personal space, or doing something unsafe to my equipment, only men.

I had the strangest personal training session once with an employee of the gym (I doubt what she was doing was part of the spec). She was obviously a crazily devout Christian and was trying to convert me while running me through all the equipment. The one hour session went on for several hours and when I found an opportunity to escape, I ran out of the gym and never returned! There were three of us in that session: me, her and her warped version of Jesus!

It hasn't happened recently, a few years ago a man came up to me and said I looked strong and should be lifting heavier weights. Also when I was younger a man used to bother me when I was rowing saying I would hurt my back, rowing like that. Twenty+ years on and I've never had any back problems. When I was at the university gym doing the inner/outer thigh machine one man used to stare openly at my crotch the entire time.

A woman once asked me how long it had taken to get my legs that toned (a long time ago!) but I've never had unsolicited advice in a gym from a woman.

IMO it's young men who need advice with their ridiculous bulking beyond their natural body type and skinny legs, yet overall lack of fitness, but I doubt they would listen.

I used to hate going to Virgin Active as they used to have personal trainers hanging around touting for work. Eventually I tried one out, but the workouts were always too hard for me and I ached for days and got ill, just totally unsuited to me. Plus I find it so embarrassing someone standing over me when I'm exercising. I like just having music on and doing my own thing, and would rather work slightly within my abilities rather than push myself too hard and be ill.

Been going to the gym for years and never had unsolicited advice, but I’ve seen it happen to others.

I’ve only ever offered advice once due to a genuine safety concern when a very young lad was struggling to bench press. Instead of pressing the bar above his chest, he was pressing it directly above his face. I didn’t want to see him drop 60kg+ on his head.

I do think that gyms have a duty of care, weightlifting can be incredibly dangerous if done incorrectly. The gym I used to go to was key code entry so there weren’t always staff around.

I used to row recreationally for two clubs. Almost every time I set foot in a gym, I see people using the erg (concept 2 rowing machine) with terrible technique.

It's often men that have the worst approach: cranking the resistance up to the max and trying to do everything with their arms (when rowing is primarily driven by the power in your legs).

I inwardly wince, but would never dream of saying anything, because it would be a dickhead thing to do.

I've been going to gyms for about 20 years, probably five different places in total. And I've absolutely had comments from men about what I'm doing and how much weight I'm lifting. Most irritating was the man who wanted to comment on how I looked. Maybe he meant his comments about my muscles as a compliment but it feeds into the whole "Men don't always realise how their comments come across" thing. I could shrug it off but a lot of women don't want to know they're being watched.

Hilariously, I've also had men look at how much I'm lifting before putting down their weights and picking up heavier ones - that's the only time I've been tempted to offer advice of the "You'll hurt yourself" variety when I can see them struggling to lift. But hey, you want to do yourself an injury because a woman is stronger than you? Knock yourself out. Literally, with any luck.

As for women - I don't think I've ever had a woman speak to me at a gym other than a "Can I use that mat space after you?" type thing.

The problem is some people either don't listen or understand.
We used to watch this guy arm curling an EZ bar with 60lb on. He did the same thing every week despite being told it wasn't appropriate. He seemed to think taking 2-3 mins per curl was the right way.😂

It was a sight to behold, if we got people overloading the squat they were given advice on what to do... Some don't even put the safety bars on. They can permanently damage their backs by being silly.

The best thing to do if someone is being inappropriate is to tell a member of staff.

Slightly off-topic I know but I've found that the majority of gym staff employed by big gym chains aren't very good. I used to be a member of a VA gym yonks ago and the trainers offered the same work out to everyone regardless of your personal goals, physique etc. I even tried to tell them that I had a specific injury which meant I couldn't do something, which they just disregarded.

Nowadays I look for someone who has personal trainer qualifications, rather than gym instructor ones.

This

I've had numerous men approach me over the many years I've been at the gym, one even had the absolute audacity to take my headphones out of my ears to talk to me. Never once been approached by a women in anything other than hello, how are you and a chat with the ones I know. I don't mind advice from the trainers at the gym...I welcome it. I do mind being asked out/for my number/for my WhatsApp when I'm on the middle of dead lifts.

It's happened to me.

My husband was a personal trainer and taught me all the workout sets I do, and has made sure I do them correctly by correcting me where necessary. And yet I still have had men come up to me to try and give me pointers.

One guy even came and hassled me when I was mid-rep meaning I had to stop and put my weights down and take off my headphones to hear him, I was livid. When I told my husband how the guy suggested I do the weight lift he was fuming and said my way was perfectly fine and it just worked on a different set of muscles to the ones the guy was suggesting.

I've spent a lot of time in gyms in my life, and not once has a woman done this, nor has a woman...made weird noises

Oh GOD, the noise that some men make. "HUUUUURGGGGH!" every time they've lifted something, and you just know it's going to be either a Muscle Mary announcing their superior presence, or someone doing their first bench-press.

Actually I have had a female gym instructor come up to try and correct me. But then she was an instructor and not a gym member. Still annoying. I think she did it to try and show me up.

Either way it's never received well by people as it embarrasses/disrupts them.

Never had a man or woman approach me and I lift weights nearly every day in the gym.

I have a PT though so recognise when someone is using equipment incorrectly or the wrong form for free weights. I would never approach them but would hope gym staff would have a polite word to avoid injury. I do Pump classes too and the instructor will approach people after to explain correct form.

I don’t think ‘I’ve been watching you, now do 20 at 120lbs’ is offering advice tbh.

I honestly think men are outraged as they are so used to doing it they are annoyed at being called out about it. It just comes across as ‘silly woman knows nothing, big hero man must help her’ mentality. (Although what this man said didn’t sound like helping, it sounded quite belittling and snide) I am almost 100% sure he wouldn’t have said that if that OP was a man.

and to answer your post OP, I’ve never had unsolicited advice from a woman in a gym either, but plenty from men.