What the hell do you do in this situation?

[bibbidibbobbidybo]

Posting so I can try give advice to a lovely friend of mine who is suffering and at a loss as to what she can do.

Il keep it as short as I can.

DF (friend) bought house cash with inheritance a couple of years ago and put partners name on the deeds also (not married) they have 2 DC.

Relationship needs to end, he is controlling, a bully, manipulator and I believe mentally abusive. Poor DF is in bits things are not good at home at all.

Her partner is the breadwinner she is a SAHM and has no income at all other than money partner will send her for things (again very controlling)

She wants to end the relationship but he will not leave the house unless she agrees to sell and give him 50%. He already has quite a high paid job and savings where as DF has nothing but the house as she put all her money into that and also gave up working to please him. She is primary career to the children and when I say that she does 99.9% of everything with the children.

She has nowhere she can go, and cannot claim any benefits until he's left the house which he will not do. She doesn't want to give him 50% as that will leave her struggling to buy another House and would most definitely mean the children will have to move schools and areas.

Please could anyone offer any advice as to what would be her best options in this situation?

@Onlyhuman123 honestly, why post shit like this? You say you haven’t read the thread - it’s only on page 2 and multiple people who are better informed that you would have given you pause for thought.

I’d love to know why you have the confidence to be “sure” on this, when you’re posting nonsense.

It’s so important not to go around posting utter crap like this, because it’s just going to end up with more people make awful choices.

I get that you don’t know. I don’t get your confidence in posting that you’re sure of things that you don’t know. And I sure as hell don’t get why you wouldn’t just RTFT first - or just scan it, it’s short!!

Please, stop posting crap like this.

Given that your friend has no money for a solicitor, I think the place to start is Women’s Aid as they’ll understand the situation only too well, sadly, and also can signpost to all the services she needs.

Please don’t let her near MN AIBU for any legal advice though!

Relationship advice is much better here though.

Thanks yet again everyone for the comments.

After weeks of abuse and making her life hell now she's said she's leaving he's changing his tune and turning back into the 'perfect partner' and love bombing her with gifts etc but she is 100% sure this time that enough if enough.

Woman's aid is a good start and getting some good legal advice, I've been passing on the messages and my DF is very grateful.

It's so sad to see a man so hell bent on making a woman's life (and his childrens) hell because she wants to leave him.

She does have messages that prove he's said she can't work so I'm guessing this will be a good bit of evidence along with a lot more controlling behaviours (cameras around the house etc) and a tirade of abusive texts.

In all honestly all I want to do is call the police and get her out of there but she has asked I don't and I don't want to over step or make her life any harder!

Again, I really appreciate the comments.

Bingo!

As someone else said, her only option is free advice from legal aid. She has no money from the sounds of it, it's all gone on the house and other things. So a shit hot lawyer is out of the question, she can't afford one. How would she pay the fees?

Reality is, she's probably screwed unfortunately. Even if she can get someone to help her, how is she going to prove he forced her? Does she have any messages to show he did?

Urgent! Make sure all his messages are backed up somewhere, in case he gets to her phone.

Oh good she does have proof, I cross posted. She may stand a chance then hopefully.

The answer to this may be no (sadly!) but have they previously made any other legal arrangements or even any informal written arrangements eg. wills, declaration of trust, co-habitation agreement, life insurance/income protection etc. I've only ever bought a property via mortgage so don't know how it works with cash but you can own a property either as joint tenants OR tenants in common so perhaps there is paperwork from when she bought the property that states this, these confer different benefits . I doubt the house would be able to be sold until the youngest has reached 18 anyway... "The Court must consider the intentions of the parties when they entered into the purchase of the property, the reasons behind that purchase and the welfare of any child under the age of 18 ".

There will be a document trail that shows she put the entirety of the house purchase cash in so I'm sure the courts would be acknowledging this and not award 50:50 seeing as he has far higher earning potential (unless he is intending to provide 50:50 of the childcare to allow her to work.)

He is legally entitled to the money from his half of the house, surely she knew that was the case when she put him on the deeds 🤷🏼‍♀️

She isn’t married to him, so she isn’t entitled to anything of his. We all know how it works, I don’t understand why women are still putting themselves in this situation.

She chose to have children with a man she wasn’t married to. Very silly indeed!

Yes, this.
And you still get posts like "Go after his pension, op! See if he'll still take half the house then, eh!"
It's a sad, pretty hopeless situation to find yourself in, but also quite a stupid one.

If she calls the NCDV, they will find a solicitor and it will be covered by Legal Aid due to the abuse. They will get an occupational order within a matter of days, to get him out of the house for 30 days. After which if she wishes, she could always go to a women's refuge. They are fantastic!

But he has the right to stay there too. You can’t just kick someone out of a house that they own with you.

Seriously?

Yes where domestic violence occurs the family court can (and does!) grant an occupation order forbidding a legal owner from living in a home they own.

This is however usually a time limited order pending completion of the sale of the property (to give parties time to re-arrange their affairs and go their separate ways).

I agree, but why on earth didn't the legal advice she must have had when purchasing the property and putting him on the deeds point out the pitfalls to her? It was only 2 years ago..

What relevance does domestic violence have in this case though?

My friend was able to claim benefits when she split with her ex (they weren't married) even though still lived together for another year.

They are not married so unless they actively created joint ownership of an asset, none exists. They did this for the house but not the pension. The house is now a joint asset. Giving him an apparent entitlement to half the value.

She has the following entitlements and rights.

She can report his abuse to the police. This is the act from which everything springs. Because then she take steps to get an occupation order to remove him from the house.

She can try to access legal aid.

A mesher order won’t apply because they are not married. But she can apply under the childrens act to defer sale of the house even if they are not married.

She can claim CMS, which he will be obliged to pay whether he likes it or not. If he is PAYE, he can’t avoid paying. If he is self employed he can manipulate his income and avoid it.

She can claim benefits.

I would say that although she should explore whether he coerced her into signing over the house, it will be an upward struggle. He will argue that he invested in the home and supported the household when they were together which is presumably longer than the the two years since she bought the house. Where did they live before this and who paid for it?

LemonTT I would say that although she should explore whether he coerced her into signing over the house, it will be an upward struggle. He will argue that he invested in the home and supported the household when they were together which is presumably longer than the the two years since she bought the house. Where did they live before this and who paid for it?

I think it will be almost impossible for the OP to claim that signing away half her house (and therefore inheritance) was invalid. It was only 2 years ago, she must have had legal advice telling her of all the risks and making it clear that it was her choice to do so, that she wasn't married and so on, presumably have been advised to make a will because they're not married and own property together and so on.

Even in cases of marriage fraud (where one partner marries another to try and gain financial advantage), its hardly ever successfully challenged. Different if there was a big difference in cognitive abilities, or one of them was much older and more infirm that the other (and even then its an uphill struggle), but its hard to see any successful challenge here.

Unless she has proof of threats of abuse, violence, etc?

Whilst he is in best behaviour mode can your friend take advantage of that and start applying for jobs?

If there is no violence or danger she might be best playing the long game and getting herself an income in the view to mortgaging half the house and buying him out as soon as she possibly can. It seems unlikely that she can avoid giving him the 50%

The problem with deferring the sale, is that houses often increase in value and she will have to give him half of the value at the point of sale. Depending on her earning potential she might not be able to afford to remortgage at that point.

How old are the children?

She needs a solicitor.
I would think perhaps not trusts but similar - a similar part of law, equity.

So if she can prove that he only has 50% legal ownership due to Undue Influence. And that indeed resulted in him getting the 50% being an Unconscionable transaction.
And hence she should have full equitable ownership of the house. (Ie in equity rather than common law) And the court should translate that into 100% legal ownership as well.

He would as they're not married and both names are on the deeds. He may have to wait though, given there are children involved.

So if she can prove that he only has 50% legal ownership due to Undue Influence
How would someone with full mental capacity prove such a thing?

I also don't understand why the "he wouldn't let me work, he told me the relationship would be over if I did" holds water when she's leaving anyway?

Unfortunately this isn't an option as he won't allow her to work. He worries about her being around other men in the work place (she's never gave him any reason to) and this is a big point of tension in the relationship. If she even mentions it then it turns into explosive rows. He has told her she is never to work while they are together. Children are 2 and 4 and without help towards childcare she would be working for nothing until they are older so right now it wouldn't help the situation

I think at this point and after making some calls she's going to put the house up and walk away with 50%, rent and hopefully get back on her feet.