Being unreasonable in wanting teenagers to come on holiday with us.

[Wearegoingtoneedabiggerboat]

I have two DD’s 17 and 18. I have two weeks off in the summer. The first week the youngest has a sporting event so that’s a no go for booking a holiday.
looking at a cottage with hot tub and somewhere where there are lots of things to do. Told youngest last night and they were like absolutely not, and they would rather stay at home.
i have offered to pay for a couple of days in London but they don’t want to do the underground by themselves.
so the options are leave them at home or bring them with us to have them moaning the whole holiday. I am open to any ideas they have of where they want to go. However They are just not bothered. We can’t really afford to go out of the country so it would have to be uk.
i would feel a bit mean leaving them at home. Most of my friends who have children the same age still go away with them.
So shall I just leave them at home, or any suggestions of where the moaning Myrtles would approve of.

DS is 16. We are going on an extended family UK holiday but this could be the last year as we pay more than our fair share to facilitate it and looking at our pension provisioning we're not really in a position to be doing that.
He's bringing a pal along to Lanzarote for October half term but I am slightly nervous about that as they have discovered drink and girls since it was booked.
As I have annual leave to use up we're looking at DH and I going for a week to Madeira in November. As we're going outside school holidays and off season the prices are amazing- 7 nights in 4 star hotel jet 2 package less than £1k. You could go abroad without them if you time it right - although they'll probably want to come if it is abroad.

I definitely wanted to go on holiday with friends at that age! My children came on last family holiday in their early 20s . It was paid for by us to Croatia. Am sure they only came because it was free!!

Why would you feel mean for leaving them at home when you gave them the option of coming with you? Just go for God’s sake.

Last family holiday was at 15 iirc. After that I left school for college, my df retired and he didn’t want holidays anymore, though took him and dm with me away to their home country for a holiday. I was about 23 at the time. Though I holidayed with friends in my teens and ended up flying for a career, so that was my holidays sorted.

My early 20s DC are coming on holiday with us, we are staying in a UK city and will be doing some city things and some trips to local attractions and national trust places.
DD will be having a separate holiday with friends as well.
They still enjoy doing things with us and also get on well with each other so sometimes go off and do their own thing.

I could book London for them

They are old enough to sort that out for themselves.

but they don’t want to do the underground by themselves

Tough shit. They are old enough to be self-sufficient and be left at home for a week or they want hand-holding on the tube? About time they learned how to read a tube map.

I really don't understand why a 17 year old or 18 year old wouldn't be able to use the tube by themselves...you can always ask someone for help if needed...look on the tfl route planner app

I remember trips to Paris at about 15 and 16 navigating the metro by ourselves. It was fine. We managed.

Just need to be aware of pickpockets.

Leave them at home with various do gooders looking in on them the whole time and a list of chores.

This thread has made me remember that the rebellious thing I did when my parents went away and left me (I was 16/17ish) was to turn the thermostat up 😂. My dad was very much a freezing cold (and damp) house miser - it was amazing!

Totally normal OP, they are - and should be - learning to branch out on their own. My plan is to either a) book a holiday so amazing they would be mental to say no or b) allow them to invite a pal/gf/bf

So far we’ve managed to afford plan b 😂

Wouldn’t be booking HarRy Potter for them to go to instead though, that’s on them to book AND PAY FOR. They’ll prob love having the place to themselves and their mates though (brace for that) so all I would do is fill the fridge for them and leave them to it!

DTwin and I were 15 on our last holiday with our parents- a particularly fraught day at Sacre Coeur ended in our normally-cautious DDad sending his two (not particularly streetwise) teens off on the Paris metro so he and DMum could get their heads showered. The next year he and mum took themselves off to Thailand while we stayed at home, loving life. We are planning a joint family trip now that our own kids are getting older, and DSis and I are looking forward to that/

DH on the other hand enthusiastically continued going on holidays with his parents right up until we met- DBIL still goes away with MIL.

There’s no point in forcing them to go if they’re not keen. I would accept that, for now, the family holiday days are over, and book a bitchin villa or apartment in Spain or southern France in the school term, end of September.

I’m 18 in the summer and wouldn’t want to be dragged on something I didn’t want to go one. YABU

I think it's ok for teenagers at that age to go or not go with their parents on holiday. I suppose it depends on the teenagers - and the location. What kind of things happen on holidays normally.

I do remember my last family holiday when I was 18 - we did 3 weeks caravanning in Europe. Our real last holiday as a family as my mum became severely ill just a few months later. It was great to have that experience together and I have fond memories of it.

However, I think that if we had gone to a cottage in Wales, maybe it would have been different. Somehow windsurfing, Italian lakes and warm weather helps on a holiday.

I am however looking forward to DS going on his own holidays when older, as I still have the travel bug, which DS doesn't really have. Been Googling flights to India recently....

I agree that they shouldn’t give up or say they never want to visit London again if it involves using the tube, but equally it’s okay for them to say they would be anxious to do it on their own and prefer not to. Some people learn by diving straight into the deep end and others prefer to start in the shallow end and build up to the deep water. It sounds like the teens would rather go to London with their parents and use the tube with them before having to try and tackle it on their own and surely that’s okay; I think lots of people would rather try something new or unfamiliar alongside somebody more experienced rather than jump right into it solo. Just because they don’t want to use the tube on their own now doesn’t mean they are never willing to do it and there are ways to learn how to do something or build up to doing something you’re nervous about that don’t involve jumping straight into it. Obviously some people would rather just bite the bullet when it comes to doing something they’re nervous about and go for it but that approach is not for everybody and there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to do something because you don’t feel ready yet, even if to somebody else it would appear no big deal.

The vast majority are advising you to leave them at home. I agree. There’s no point taking reluctant teenagers away.

Leave them at home and have a blast, believe me it's worse when you have adult dc that want to drag along everywhere with you.

In terms of the tube, they have only been to London 3 times, so probably just a bit anxious

My DD did both…holiday with me at no expense, then off with friends with her own money. We had a great time together. She had a great time with friends.

One of mine decided not to holiday with us at that age. Just left her with a full fridge and some change in case the window cleaner turned up.

And why shouldn’t they? Presumably they have some idea of the normal distance/cost? It’s a family holiday. Family get to have input.

17 I went abroad with friends, my first girls holiday. Just leave them at home, no point in trying to force it.

Woke up to a few tags on this thread.

The fact i am paying is neither here nor there. I would still be paying if we were staying in the UK. And it's totally normal in my house for everyone to throw their preferred country choices in the hat. The eldest will have just finished her masters dissertation, and looking forward to the break and DS17 is happy anywhere as long as there is a pool and he is fed.

Every family is different of course. I have no desire to spend over 2 weeks just myself and DP either, a shorter city break or something then fine, but a family holiday is a great time to properly catch up as we all have busy life's. A lot of people I know with older teens still holiday together-for me i wouldnt dream of leaving my DS17 at home for that long. Like other posters have said an 'empty house' for 2 weeks would be every teenager in the village moving in. No bloody way!

I stopped going on family holidays around 14 - really not interested. I have a 21 year old DS and wouldn't dream of forcing him on a family holiday BUT we would do different things like he might come away with me for a city break for a couple of nights or go on a golf trip with DH.

Personally I don't find the idea of going on holiday with teenage/young adult DC (& even worse their BFs/GFs tagging along and never sharing the costs) at all appealing but it clearly works for some people.

Exact same . They don't want to one with us and youngest 16. So we booked a hot tub retreat about 45 mins away so only down road if needed for a week and going to take them to Harry Potter etc week after. We have a big family holiday later jn year that they will join us at because they prefer it when other people are with us. Hahah. Suits me