Being unreasonable in wanting teenagers to come on holiday with us.

[Wearegoingtoneedabiggerboat]

I have two DD’s 17 and 18. I have two weeks off in the summer. The first week the youngest has a sporting event so that’s a no go for booking a holiday.
looking at a cottage with hot tub and somewhere where there are lots of things to do. Told youngest last night and they were like absolutely not, and they would rather stay at home.
i have offered to pay for a couple of days in London but they don’t want to do the underground by themselves.
so the options are leave them at home or bring them with us to have them moaning the whole holiday. I am open to any ideas they have of where they want to go. However They are just not bothered. We can’t really afford to go out of the country so it would have to be uk.
i would feel a bit mean leaving them at home. Most of my friends who have children the same age still go away with them.
So shall I just leave them at home, or any suggestions of where the moaning Myrtles would approve of.

Another parent here who seems to have outlier teens.
My 18 and 16 year olds are really happy to have a family holiday in a cottage in Cornwall this summer. In fact, they asked us if we could go there.
They’re both away doing other things without us over the summer too, so maybe that’s why.

In your case, OP, I’d leave them to entertain themselves at home. My parents left us at home from the age of 15 (my twin sister and I had an older brother at home), and we had been travelling into and around London alone from 13 or 14.

@IsAnybodyListening

”Even been giving me ideas for destinations next year.”

LOL! I bet they are!

I'm with @IsAnybodyListening - totally normal for older teens to come on family holidays and not just because it's free- bit of a depressing view of family life, that. Holidays with friends are as well as (if they can afford it) not instead of.

Obviously that doesn't help OP's situation but I disagree with PP saying that no teens want to spend time with family.

The tube thing is odd, OP, and in your shoes I think I'd find it a good reason to strongly encourage the London trip.

Leave them at home and go and enjoy yourself

My 16 year old doesn't want to come on holiday this year and he'll be staying at home. I remember being dragged on holiday and hating it around 15/16, and then stayed at home after that. I went on holiday abroad with my friends at age 17. The tube thing is probably because of lockdown and lack of practice. I was surprised that my 14 year old and her friends didn't want to get the train without me, as I was travelling around on public transport by that age. But I think it's due to everything's being shut down for so long, they've had less practice.

If they don't want to come, don't force it. Everyone would be miserable and they are old enough to stay at home. I did from about 17 onwards.

In contrast our DC (19 and 23) were horrified when we suggested going on holiday without them!

Isn't there a middle ground here? Sounds like they do still want to go with you, but just not to where you are suggesting.

So how about....Family holiday to London....You all do tube trips to places in London to start with to get them familiar with it, then they have a few days doing independent trips to Harry Potter etc and you do your own thing those days.

So kind of like a bridging holiday between family and independent ones?

Short break somewhere in Europe? Any cities they'd like to visit? It's usually pretty cheap to visit some countries inland during summer, flights there would be much cheaper than Tenerife, Greece or other coastal countries. Is there anywhere they'd like to go - get them to do the research and find very cheap flights and accommodation?

@GrandSlamFinale that's a great idea! Mine loved Krakow and Copenhagen.

Yes YAVU. Going on holidays with parents at that age is so boring. Leave them at home and tell them to grow up and learn how to use the underground. It's not rocket science

Yep, my 18 year old is looking forward to our family holiday abroad this summer. Really don’t think it’s just because we’re paying for it, I genuinely think he enjoys being with us. I’m over the moon he still wants to come with us as we’ve had to miss so many family holidays over the last couple of years because of the pandemic.

He’s also doing a week in Tenerife with friends and having a few days at a festival with friends too. Perfectly normal for older teens to like spending time with family as well as enjoying holidays with friends.

I'd be telling them that if they're not capable of taking the tube they're not mature enough to be left at home.

@stormsurfer

i dunno. I would imagine Op has spent years choosing holiday locations which will suit her children.

She said she wanted to go to a country cottage with a hot tub etc. That’s very different to a city break in London. I don’t think given the age her kids are that she should have to compromise any longer on holiday location/type of holiday.

If her kids don’t like where she has chosen, they can stay home. Theyre well old enough.

Why would you feel a bit mean leaving them at home, if that is what they want? I can't imagine a cottage with hot tub with mum and dad is what any 17/18 year old wants to do!

Same here, give our DD's the option but at 17 & nearly 21 they still want to come with us...long may it last 😊

@SRS29

Do you and your husband not fancy a break just the two of you at all?

That seems a bit extreme! I think most of the posters shocked at teens anxious around using the tube probably live in close proximity to London and use the tube relatively regularly?

I grew up in rural Wales and as a teen had no experience of trying to navigate a complex rail system in a busy city, I didn’t even have much experience of organising public transport and using timetables as there was literally one bus a week from my village and buses didn’t tend to link up so limited experiences of having to try and plan an entire journey with station changes etc. I was reliant on lifts everywhere and would have been anxious about using the tube on my own too. It might be that the OP’s teens have only used the tube a handful of times in their lives and probably not for a few years due to the pandemic. They might not even have used a busy overground rail or bus service much over the last 2 years.

No way on God's earth would I have gone away with parents after 16. I was working anyway and enjoyed the peace and quiet and the independence of being on my own for a week!!

Am I he only one thinking if course they dont want to go because hey want to stay home and have a house party!

@IsAnybodyListening it's OK your not alone😜 last time I drove abroad my 21 Yr old came too along with his two younger brothers. Few years later I decided I needed to be brave since divorce as never been on holiday alone so booked a mobile home weekend in the lakes to trial it, two 20 somethings said can we come too🤷 I then wanted to go to the zoo never for a minute thinking they'd want to but guess what.......... 🦁🦏🐘 Can't get rid of them😂

@LuckySantangelo35 I see what you're saying, but OP said she wanted them to come with her!

I did my last holiday with my parents at 17, and my older sister stopped going at 16. Leave then at home snd do your own thing. Just be careful about parties while you are away! Yep, been there....

I don't see a problem. They want to stay at home and you don't. They get to stay at home and you get the holiday you want...a whole two weeks if you like. They also get to pull up their grownup underwear and do the tube on their own if they want to go to London.

then now would be a good time to learn....yes I get that travel opportunities and needs are different depending on where you live but that means needing to make learning opportunities, not giving up!