AIBU to ‘blame’ my job for my weight gain?

[fat13]

Please note - ‘blame’ in inverted commas as I know that ultimately I’m the reason I’ve gained weight, but I do think work is a bit of a trigger.

Life is v busy and stressful. On top of this, I am a teacher and I know I get good holidays but tbh it’s still getting me down a fair bit.

Ive gained weight. Largely because im run down and tired and drained at the end of every day and I’m turning to food as a quick pick me up for comfort and for energy and to feel good.

Has anyone ever broken this cycle or am I going to have to think of alternative careers?

The point in that a different career isn't going to change you, so will likely have no effect. It's you that you need to change. Quick fix meal supplements won't help either, as unless you make fundamental changes you'll always fall back into the bad habits that got you to this point whenever life gets too busy as it always will.

It’s not so much teaching as teaching plus a thousand other pressures … and that’s leading me to overeat/binge eat.

Get to July. Give yourself the summer to sort out what’s wrong with the ‘other stuff’. Make a healthy eating plan for September. If it’s still shit by October half-term, reassess. Think very hard about what comes next.

Well, you say that @Rainbowshit but it worked before … I mean, some people are like that, they find a job or lifestyle is a trigger for other things.

Are you unhappy Teaching? I think this is causing you to eat at the end of a stressful day. Could you take a break from Education for a while .You sound as though you are a little overwhelmed ATM. Eating is often a way of comforting yourself. Maybe look at a different Career ,but many jobs are stressful in their own way .Plus you have longer holidays .

At the moment I am unhappy but I think it’s more the stress of being and feeling constantly rushed.

So when I DO sit down I enjoy myself … with food. Which is leading to problems obviously.

I'm a teacher and know how tough it is - the job, and losing weight.

But I honestly don't understand how the job can possibly be a reason or a trigger for weight gain.

I have breakfast every morning before I leave, a high-protein lunch at my desk to keep me full all afternoon, a piece of fruit after the children leave, and then a healthy dinner when I get home. How would another job help?

@justfiveminutes i suppose because I feel constantly rushed. When I sit down at the end of a long day, even if that’s only in the car, that’s ‘my’ time and it’s precious and food helps me enjoy it.

That’s the best I can explain it. Obviously beating in mind I don’t have a good relationship with food.

The problem I often see is people thinking, talking, reflecting, agonising over it when really you just need to not put it in your mouth.

I was getting chubby at one point despite training and I just started tracking my cals religiously. Even if I didn't prepare food I'd stumble through, like nipping into shop knowing I had 600 cals left to eat and spending a few mins finding something that fitted that amount (made me pick more wisely as I knew I could eat more of it if it was less calorie dense).

Don't sit and talk about how you can't stop eating, while still eating. No matter what anybody says, you have free will and nothing can make you pick anything up and physically put it in your mouth. I never found the right mindset. I just stopped, exactly like I did with vaping. I felt kind of bewildered at times but I just carried on until it became familiar.

To unpack this, how would not working break the association you have with sitting down for ‘me time’ and eating?

I really don't think it's your teaching job that's the sole reason you've put on weight.
In fact it's quite an active job, walking up and down classrooms nearly all day.

Losing weight is really hard. I had a quick look at the Hairy Bikers slimming cookbook, they have some good recipes.

I try to do low carb and that helps, although I could still do with a stone off.

Load up your fridge with low calorie snacks, such as prepared celery sticks filled with cottage cheese, or have a few grapes, just to take the edge off your hunger. Then plan some quick, low calorie meals. Keep a list of your planned meals so that you know what to buy, and don't buy extras such as crisps, biscuits and cake.

@NoSquirrels all that I know is that when I wasn’t working, I wasn’t eating and I was losing weight. Maybe just happier and less stressed?

@TruthHertz youre not wrong, but the need to eat is very compelling for me, always has been.

OK. But when you were on maternity leave for the first time, it’s not the same as being the at-home parent for the long haul. It’s like an interlude, it’s like everything in your life has changed and it’s a fresh start after pregnancy with weight loss and lots of people (e.g. if you’re in an antenatal group) are supportive or doing the same thing, and you can just focus on you and the baby.

Giving up work to stay home is not like that.

If you’ve always struggled with a compelling need to eat then you need to address that internal motivation to give yourself comfort through food. It’s an internal change you need to believe you can make. You’re not so different to other people. It’s not innate and unchangeable.

I know that thanks.

And, I don’t believe I am different to others in any great sense, lots of women do struggle with food, but then plenty don’t. So the way you have phrased that makes it sound as if I have presented myself as unique somehow when in fact I’ve said the opposite, that any difference is purely in the sense that others seem more capable than I. It doesn’t change the fact I’m still me.

the way you have phrased that makes it sound as if I have presented myself as unique somehow when in fact I’ve said the opposite, that any difference is purely in the sense that others seem more capable than I.

If you think other people are ‘more capable’ than you then you do sort of - at a fundamental, perhaps unconscious level - think you are not as good at something, not as capable, therefore uniquely deficient in some way. I’m just saying that’s a lie people’s brains tell them - for all sorts of complex reasons including past trauma - but nonetheless it is a lie. You are as capable as everyone else. We all are.

Doesn’t make it easy or simple or not painful. But ‘motivation’ or self-belief isn’t a thing that just happens, it’s a virtuous circle thing - the doing begets the success which begets the self-belief that it’s possible.

It is really hard though.

I used to enjoy ME time with a cigarette. Then I gave up smoking and enjoyed and marked special time for myself with food. I got fatter. It’s an ongoing struggle but it sounds like this is the key for you. You feel stressed and unhappy and run down so you make special time for yourself to make yourself feel better and you do that by eating. Eating whatever is your “special” food. Mine is cake or pastry.

I can see the logic of: get less stress = eat less. You think if you don’t feel the need to treat yourself to make up for feeling shitty then it will be easier to lose weight. You are probably right… until something stressful comes along and then you’ll be right back to just having 5 quiet minutes in the car for yourself… with a family size bag of Doritos.

it’s harder to change the habit but in the long run it will help you stay slimmer.

Btw, I’m coming at your problem from this question in your OP: Has anyone ever broken this cycle? I’m not trying to have a go at you, I promise.

I'm a teacher, but YABU. There are lots of stressful jobs, lots of other stressful things in life. Virtually everyone has some reason which could potentially justify comfort eating or convenience eating.

Being unhealthy and overweight only adds to how bad the stress of work makes you feel. The reason you should quit teaching is because it's making you stressed and miserable, not because it makes unhealthy eating a foregone conclusion. It doesn't. Plenty of teachers are slim and physically healthy, however tough their job is.

@TruthHertz youre not wrong, but the need to eat is very compelling for me, always has been.

Ah, just wrote a really long reply then lost it.

I've got ADHD and as such anything that gives a dopamine hit (sugar etc) is incredibly hard to resist. However, what helped me was realising that no matter how important the right mindset is, the ultimate solution is always going to be either eating less calories or burning more.

Focus on that. Not on how you feel when sitting down after work. Spend your effort thinking "how can I physically put less food in my mouth". I kept crumbling and relapsing for a few weeks and then I got so annoyed with myself I literally just stopped. I never found the right mindset and I just 'faked it till I felt it'. I'd go to the shop with 600 cals left on MFP and pick something that fitted - after a while I pretty much knew without checking where I was that day and what I could still eat, although I still used the app.

I feel it doesn't help to overcomplicate it, difficult as that can be. Keep focusing on not putting food in your mouth and if you fail still continue thinking about it and let yourself get frustrated. The worst thing for me was going off on another tangent like "oh, willpower alone isn't working. Perhaps I need to investigate xyz". This will just give you another distraction to pursue, research, discuss....all the while continuing to eat crap.

Being frustrated is good IMO. I firmly believe that a lot of people who want to be slim don't actually want it enough. If a mysterious benefactor agreed to pay them £100k for each lb lost, then I think many would actually manage. Be single minded and get yourself frustrated to the point where just not eating that snack is the easiest option as you know how pissed off you'll be afterwards. It's hard to look ahead when busy/stressed and it's always just that one snack, but if you keep eating that one snack you'll be overweight forever. Big picture and little steps IMO.

I feel quite sorry for you OP and I get it. I have a stressful job, a feeling of being too squeezed and a pretty shitty relationship with food. I am a feast/famine eater and also stress eat/eat for comfort/reward. I also know absolutely what I should do. I just can't and I get very resentful that this just doesn't slot into place for me.

I wonder if a change in expectation may help. Focus on positive things for you (quiet time with a book, a bath in quiet, go for a walk with a podcast). Instead of thinking of cutting things out, add things in - find a new recipe to try, try a bit of yoga, have a bit more sex (even by yourself). Don't try to lose weight. Just look after yourself a bit better.

Don't beat yourself up when you are not perfect. You won't be.

Much as I hate to sound like a massive twat there is something in the 'live your best life' mantra.

Oh and I found lose weight feel great by Ranghan Chattergee quite useful.

No I totally agree with you @TruthHertz , when I’ve lost weight before I’ve desperately wanted it. But I think now the conflict is stemming from the fact I do want to lose weight but I also crave that comfort the food will give me.

@Fairislefandango of course. But they aren’t living my life and even if they were some people deal with stress differently, plenty of people lose weight. I don’t though.

@lugeforlife thank you, you’re right.the problem is I’m so much happier when slim. I’m dreading another summer now when last summer I loved it.

Also, there are few better stress relievers than exercise. My barometer of whether something is worth worrying about is whether I give a shit about it after doing three sets of deadlifts/squats. If it's just typical day to day frustration it usually dissipates when I've used up my physical energy.

Od use the upcoming half term holiday to draw up an overall diet/meal plan for the next six weeks or so until the end of term. Plan as much as you can and do some batch cooking to give you some healthy evening meal options. Buy a large water bottle if you haven't already got one and keep hydrated throughout the day as your body can mistake thirst for hunger.

If you leave work at 3.45pm surely that's your answer? Even if you have a long commute and don't get home until 5pm or 6pm, you still have a whole evening ahead of you to cook a healthy dinner, do some exercise, and relax in a way that doesn't involve food.

C25k is a great one. Yes you won't lose much weight through running itself at first, but the mental health benefits are great, and it contributes towards the lifestyle change you say you need. In six months you'll be running 4 or 5 miles easily, and not wanting to eat crap food or drink alcohol because you know it'll make your runs so much harder.

Also yoga with Adrienne or Caroline Girvan, both of which can be done once the kids are in bed, and are so much better for mental & physical health than sitting on the sofa eating.