To care that my children’s great grandparents were first cousins?

[Antipoodean]

Not particularly unusual perhaps, but I come from a very diverse gene pool myself (different hemispheres). I only learnt that my MIL’s parents were first cousins after we had children. Would this bother you? My dcs are healthy and I am not worried about them, I’d have had them
with the knowledge, it’s just a bit disconcerting.

I can comprehend it, sure. I can definitely see how it happened and still happens. I’ve not been in the position of my dc and dh’s ancestors, I’ve no idea what it was like for them. Im still allowed to be slightly grossed out by the idea. I don’t think it’s any reflection on my children, husband or MIL, but I still think the relationship between MIL’s parents was a bit yuck. I don’t blame her mother either, I think she was likely preyed upon. From the little I know about their relationship he was an abusive husband and father. I feel sorry for them.

Because you're related to your cousin and not your next door neighbour?

To add again, MIL’s father absolutely did travel.

Why wouldn’t I be?

Ah yes, because ‘London area middle class’ covers the demographic of everyone in the U.K…🫤

Do you not accept that this is an unusual mindset? I think marriage between cousins (particularly in western culture) is generally taboo. I would be really interested to know where you live.

Oh my, you really don’t comprehend it, and it’s one hundred percent guaranteed in your lineage rhe same thing occured. It was not taboo a century about. And in may cultures it’s still not taboo today, although it is in many others. But it wasn’t a century ago, and you will have the same your side. Guaranteed.

Quite normal back then, marriage historically was about maintaing or adding to wealth/status, but a romantic concept. European royals for example. In the city next to mine, it is quite usual for some parts of the Pakistani community and this has put a huge strain on health care- although if is a difficult subject to breach. I worked in the regional paediatric haematology and oncology unit for a while and certain conditions were very prevalent. However, I must stress that this a limited population from certain villages- not community wide.

No. I don’t think it’s particularly unusual. I think it’s more unusual to be very concerned about it. I don’t think most people would feel strongly either way.
I live in the U.K.

But if the issue is because you are raised with your cousins like siblings, then that same ‘ick’ should occur for anyone you were raised with like siblings. Otherwise it makes no sense.

I think it’s more unusual to be very concerned about it. I don’t think most people would feel strongly either way.

I really don't agree with this. Most people would have a visceral reaction against it, even if they kept that reaction to themselves.

No, the ick is because you're related!

My grandparents were first cousins. They grew up on different continents and met at a family wedding in their twenties. My dad and uncle have a genetic illness, but as one in five people from their country carry the gene, it's not particularly unusual for everyone.

It wouldn't worry me at all from a 'ick' point of view - but then I've only met most of my own first cousins about 5 times in my lifetime, and my DD only sees one cousin regularly as both DH and my family are all spread all over the world.

Possibly it's different if you are close to your siblings and so know your nephews and nieces well.

However, we were told it would be a very bad idea for any further inter-marriage.

FWIW, the genetic condition we saw counsellors for is an autosomal dominant one that was inherited by DH from his maternal line... which is the only one with absolutely zero intermarriage back until at least the 1600s (no records available before them). DD didn't inherit the condition, so it has now died out for any future generations.

This post seems to suggest differently. Most people I know wouldn’t care about it.

If that’s the ick for you, then fine. But many of the replies here have mentioned it being ‘like a sibling’ and that’s who I’m talking about.

Canvas their opinions then. I suspect you'd find you're mistaken.

I wouldn’t be bothered by it. Not at all. I have 10 siblings, we each have a minimum of 2 children. Some of them I’ve never met. The only issue would be my one of my brothers children and that’s because he’s deeply unpleasant and I wouldn’t want him inflicted on my child.

Of course if you go back long enough we’re all related to each other but it’s not true to say this 100% happened in everyone’s family only a century ago. Granted it was more common especially in smaller communities but it’s not a guarantee, what nonsense.

Yeah, this. I‘m probably very unusual in this, but my parents were from different countries and each of their parents and grandparents were also form different countries, so regardless
of societal norms, it would be going a long way back for me.

It makes perfect sense. You have the same blood running through your veins. Presumably the boy next door isn’t related and doesn’t share the same dna. It is healthy to widen the gene pool, genetic defects get watered down etc. That’s why opposites attract and why you don’t fancy blokes who look like your brother 🤮
Cousins are still too similar. My niece looks like me and my DS looks like my brother and his DS, It’s just too close.

That’s it. My cousins look so much like me (on my mum’s side- I have none on my dads side), even given my diverse gene pool there is absolutely no mistaking a genetic connection.

But the reason people have said it's "like a sibling" is because they mean "I'd never marry a relative" - it's not to do with being raised in close proximity to each other and growing up together.

For most people, the idea of marrying your cousin is no different to the idea of marrying your sibling. You may not be as closely related to your cousin, but the idea is the same - you know you're related and so it's a bit gross.

Whereas you know you're not related to your neighbour so that taboo just doesn't exist.

Yeah, this. I‘m probably very unusual in this, but my parents were from different countries and each of their parents and grandparents were also form different countries, so regardless of societal norms, it would be going a long way back for me

that is very unusual that all your great grandparents were all from different countries to their spouse. What’s that sixteen of them? All from different countries to the other?

doesn’t matter if it’s going back a long way though, you will also have it in your blood line so I assume you’re jist as Icked put by your own grandparent line?

Do you not accept that this is an unusual mindset? I think marriage between cousins (particularly in western culture) is generally taboo. I would be really interested to know where you live.

I live in NZ and know of at least two sets of cousin marriages. It really isn't taboo. If it was so terrible then it wouldn't be legal.