To care that my children’s great grandparents were first cousins?

[Antipoodean]

Not particularly unusual perhaps, but I come from a very diverse gene pool myself (different hemispheres). I only learnt that my MIL’s parents were first cousins after we had children. Would this bother you? My dcs are healthy and I am not worried about them, I’d have had them
with the knowledge, it’s just a bit disconcerting.

Another interesting angle is that of unknown fathers. My own grandmother had, as far as we are aware, no idea who her father was, and there is a blank on her birth certificate and in all official records. It's perfectly possible that her own father, also fathered other children, and what is there to say that one of those children, or one of their descendants, married "back into" the family? At the extreme, she could have married her own half-brother, without anyone knowing. She is one example, but how many unknown fathers have there been through even recent history?

Mum, born in Australia- her mum English (from Northern Irish and English parents)- her dad Australian (from Scottish and English parents). Definitely no connection.

Dad, born on a boat from Germany- his dad, Polish (Polish dad, Spanish mum), his mum, German (German dad, French mum).

But the reason people have said it's "like a sibling" is because they mean "I'd never marry a relative" - it's not to do with being raised in close proximity to each other and growing up together.
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For most people, the idea of marrying your cousin is no different to the idea of marrying your sibling. You may not be as closely related to your cousin, but the idea is the same - you know you're related and so it's a bit gross.
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Whereas you know you're not related to your neighbour so that taboo just doesn't exist.

Exactly this.

Clearly it’s a taboo for some & not for others.

@TheFoldOx

True - I’m sure accidentally it would have happened & must continue to happen without anyone knowing.

That’s the point though - it’s being comfortable with actively selecting partners from your own family that just feels taboo to me.

I don’t know where you get the idea that opposites attract? There is plenty of evidence that people are attracted to people who look like their own parents, and who look like them. Such as this study: journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0146167210377180

but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m specifically replying to the replies that say it’s weird because you were raised together.

If that’s what they mean, then that’s what they should say. It’s not clear at all to me if that’s what they mean.
on the looking alike thing, 2 of my 4 kids are adopted, and of them all only one looks like me, and that is one of the adopted kids. I acknowledge some families look alike, but again that’s not true for everyone. I look like some of my siblings, bur nothing like others.
I just think if it’s taboo to you…fine. But that is just an opinion and you can’t then decide that everyone should or will feel that way.

@TheOriginalEmu

Not sure how expressing my opinion is me “deciding everyone should feel or will feel that way”?!

I could argue exactly the same for you!

Its controversial for a reason. If you RTFT you’ll see that while it’s socially & religiously sanctioned in certain communities, at the same time it’s also forbidden & viewed as repugnant in others eg RC church. Legal in the U.K. but banned in 24 states in America.

Hence the debate from both sides.

Not quite sure what you mean re your adopted DC’s & family resemblance?

If raised as my own, as part of the family unit, I still wouldn’t want my adopted DC’s sleeping with their cousins, (even if by being adopted that would make them biologically different). Whether they resembled each other or not.

Like I said up thread each to their own.

You’ve misunderstood me. That’s my fault, I perhaps wasn’t clear that thst part of my comment wasn’t to you directly. Just a general comment on the issue.

my point re my child was that many people look alike even when not blood related, and some who are blood related look very different. So looking a bit alike isn’t necessarily true in all families.

Ok 👍

No I suppose family resemblance doesn’t necessarily mean you’re biologically related.

How does that relay to the issue though? Or maybe it’s been debated to death now 🤪

Interesting stuff though

Relate not relay

Ah yes, because ‘London area middle class’ covers the demographic of everyone in the U.K

Are you saying that the rest of the urban or industrialised areas of the country were populated by millions of inbreds?

First-cousin marriage in England in 1875 was estimated by George Darwin to be 3.5% for the middle classes and 4.5% for the nobility, though this had declined to under 1% during the 20th century.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cousin_marriage#TheEssentialOttenheimer

First cousin marriage is rare, unusual, uncommon, and not the norm, except in certain immigrant populations.

This is why I’m so surprised how highly represented it is on here @mathanxiety

No: why would I? They aren’t siblings. I know plenty of people who married the ‘boy next door’ they were raised with abs no one thinks that’s ‘ick’ so why is that different just because they happen to share a grandparent? It makes no sense logically.

The problem isn't that you know each other from childhood

The problem with sharing a set of grandparents is that recessive genes can be concentrated.

There's a social problem too - that cultures where first cousins marry tend to be clannish and patriarchal, and women tend to be viewed and treated as chattel.

"The minimum masters/PhD squad" and "all perfectly healthy" - Marrying a first cousin IS ick, especially in this day and age ffs!
Hemophilia was rampant in the Queen Victoria/Prince Albert bloodline.

It isn't unreasonable of you to 'care' insofar as it makes you a bit uncomfortable given that first cousin marriages are no longer permitted, but you probably don't need to care or worry. By now it's background noise and whilst it potentially increased the risk of genetic conditions in their children, if it wasn't a problem then it isn't going to become one in the future.

ok I stand corrected, you can marry your first cousin in the UK (learn something new every day). It is I think fair to say it's less common than it used to be.

I stand by my point of it's a perfectly reasonable thing for you to feel a bit 🙁but assuming your kids are healthy it's safe to assume by now it's genetic background noise.

I have done my genealogical chart and it is shocking how much interfamily marriage there was back in the day. Most people lived in isolated areas and were probably related to each other fifteen different ways. Even Charles Darwin married his first cousin. So I would not worry about it.

I find it a bit odd how many posters are apparently so shocked and disgusted by cousin marriage, even though it is now very rare in the West? Falling over themselves to say how repulsed (and presumably morally superior) they are. I can't help wondering if it is because it is now socially unacceptable to express disgust at same sex or interracial relationships. (Quite rightly! I have an interracial marriage myself) and so all the moral outrage at other people's relationships has to be funnelled somewhere...

I also think have these people never read any 19th century literature? Mansfield Park, Jane Eyre, Wuthering Heights, even Mr Collins in Pride and Prejudice proposed to Elizabeth and was her (distant?) cousin. Then there's the royals...

If DD had got with her cousin I would have been, well a bit surprised but not horrified. You can't help who you fall in love with. Try and keep an open mind.

I would have advised such a couple to get genetic counselling if planning children though. From what I understand, problems usually occur when there is repeated cousin marriage within a family. As in some communities of Pakistani origin, and as in the Hapsburgh Royal dynasty. In the ancient Egyptian royals too I think? Although didn't they also marry sisters and brothers, fathers and daughters? Now that IS really weird!

I can't help wondering if it is because it is now socially unacceptable to express disgust at same sex or interracial relationships. (Quite rightly! I have an interracial marriage myself) and so all the moral outrage at other people's relationships has to be funnelled somewhere...

Da fuck?!!
Nope I'm fine with gay marriage and interracial marriage too (that one definitely quite rightly widens the gene pool) But first cousin marriage 🤢

But a thread title about marrying first cousins is going to attract posters who are interested in that subject, hence the high number of people with married cousins posting.

My DH has a second cousin marriage in his immediate (white British) family that resulted in severely disabled children. It can happen unfortunately.

Marrying your cousin was perfectly normal until recent generations.

I'd be a bit careful about statements like this. 'Cousin' used to refer to several different relationships which now would be divided into first cousin, second cousin, third et cetera. Or first cousin once removed (your cousin's children). Now we tend to use it only to mean a first cousin.

So some form of cousin marriage was historically common but first cousin marriage somewhat less so. Charles Darwin married a first cousin, but iirc it did worry him a bit. Cousin marriage comes up in Austen novels - in Mansfield Park the romantic leads are first cousins. And Mr Collins was Mr Bennet's distant cousin. He refers to the Bennet sisters as cousins, but it was a more distant relationship than many modern readers would infer from that.

Anyway OP, I'd be more concerned that it seems to have been a shitty relationship. I can't imagine being interested in my first cousins in that way, but we grew up quite closely together. Some people barely know their cousins and so long as you don't repeatedly marry first cousins for several generations, it isn't really an issue.

I have cousins whose grandparents were first cousins, and presumably their great grandparents and beyond were related too, as that was tradition (in their country) then, and 3 out of 4 of my cousins have learning difficulties and physical disfigurements.

I haven't RTFT, but has anyone mentioned the potentially positive impact on fertility yet?
abcnews.go.com/Health/ReproductiveHealth/story?id=4258128&page=1

My BFF is married to her first cousin.