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Original poster

Partners documents

57 replies

Eskimolove · 21/05/2022 19:20

My partner still gets his paperwork etc for everything still sent to his parents. We live together, have done for around 2 years. I said it's cause me to feel like he's not commited to me fully. To which his reply is, I don't see the problem with it, I'm not changing it. That's my insecurities.

Is this just me? Is it wierd? Does anyone else have it like this where your partner gets everything still sent to their parents.

OP posts:
FlibbertyGiblets · 21/05/2022 20:02

Yeah that is a bit strange.

When you say 'that's my insecurities' do you mean he says you have insecurities, or that HE has insecurities? Sorry to be thick.

ScootsMcHoy · 21/05/2022 20:04

Isn't that a bit dodgy? If he's living there, with you, his stuff should have his address on. Driving licence, banking etc.

BraveFaceScaredInside · 21/05/2022 20:05

Sounds as if he is to lazy to change it. It would piss me off but not enough to cause issues.

Aboutdamntime · 21/05/2022 20:09

Assume he is on the council tax, utility bills, electoral roll etc?

RainingYetAgain · 21/05/2022 20:17

Both DS took the view that they would have most personal and financial post sent to our address until they bought a place, although DS2 nearly ran into trouble when he needed to prove he lived within 10 miles of a new job. Their reason was because they were concerned that they would forget something important when moving between rented places. One had a problem with gig tickets cancelled in April 2020, he moved in July 2020 and he struggled to get them to send new info to new address. Not sure what happened to electronic ticketing. That's one thing he wished he had had sent here!
Could that be an underlying reason?
There were a few things that I didn't bother to change addresses until my parents moved- e.g the Old Girls Association and Alumni stuff.We'd married and had our own house for about 5 years at that point, so I don't see it as a committment issue.

Original poster
Eskimolove · 21/05/2022 20:29

FlibbertyGiblets · 21/05/2022 20:02

Yeah that is a bit strange.

When you say 'that's my insecurities' do you mean he says you have insecurities, or that HE has insecurities? Sorry to be thick.

Its maybe the way I wrote it. He says it's my insecurities and not his fault.

OP posts:
Original poster
Eskimolove · 21/05/2022 20:30

Aboutdamntime · 21/05/2022 20:09

Assume he is on the council tax, utility bills, electoral roll etc?

Yes, at his parents

OP posts:
Original poster
Eskimolove · 21/05/2022 20:31

ScootsMcHoy · 21/05/2022 20:04

Isn't that a bit dodgy? If he's living there, with you, his stuff should have his address on. Driving licence, banking etc.

Well apparently not. He just wants it to stay at his parents. I feel it's a bit like, well what's the problem of changing it... Or what are you hiding?

OP posts:
SO224350 · 21/05/2022 20:33

Does he work? Could he be claiming benefits as a single person?

ivykaty44 · 21/05/2022 20:33

how can he be on council tax at his parents property?

Original poster
Eskimolove · 21/05/2022 20:34

RainingYetAgain · 21/05/2022 20:17

Both DS took the view that they would have most personal and financial post sent to our address until they bought a place, although DS2 nearly ran into trouble when he needed to prove he lived within 10 miles of a new job. Their reason was because they were concerned that they would forget something important when moving between rented places. One had a problem with gig tickets cancelled in April 2020, he moved in July 2020 and he struggled to get them to send new info to new address. Not sure what happened to electronic ticketing. That's one thing he wished he had had sent here!
Could that be an underlying reason?
There were a few things that I didn't bother to change addresses until my parents moved- e.g the Old Girls Association and Alumni stuff.We'd married and had our own house for about 5 years at that point, so I don't see it as a committment issue.

The home is bought, not rented.

And I mean nothing... Nothing at all comes in mail or deliveries etc to here. Nothing on paperwork that shows he actually lives here.

OP posts:
Original poster
Eskimolove · 21/05/2022 20:35

SO224350 · 21/05/2022 20:33

Does he work? Could he be claiming benefits as a single person?

Yes he works full time in a good job

OP posts:
oioimatey · 21/05/2022 20:37

It's a pain in the arse to change the address on stuff, but now that I see you live in a house you own or is a bit strange. I reckon he's just being lazy... My brother did the same thing!

Chocoqueen · 21/05/2022 20:38

Mine did, he was renting before moving in with me so had kept it all going to his parents then. When he moved in with me we knew it would only be a couple of years until we brought together so he didn't bother changing stuff until we did - the only exception was things which might have a legal implication such as car insurance. Everything comes here now though.

Original poster
Eskimolove · 21/05/2022 20:40

oioimatey · 21/05/2022 20:37

It's a pain in the arse to change the address on stuff, but now that I see you live in a house you own or is a bit strange. I reckon he's just being lazy... My brother did the same thing!

Your brother did same... Did it affect relationship for him? Was his partner upset by it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Eskimolove · 21/05/2022 20:42

Chocoqueen · 21/05/2022 20:38

Mine did, he was renting before moving in with me so had kept it all going to his parents then. When he moved in with me we knew it would only be a couple of years until we brought together so he didn't bother changing stuff until we did - the only exception was things which might have a legal implication such as car insurance. Everything comes here now though.

If the house was rented, I could actually understand why he would be hesitant.

OP posts:
Staynow · 21/05/2022 20:43

That is weird as fuck. It's like he wants to pretend he still lives at his parents - but why?

The electoral roll is a legal document so surely they should not be saying he is living there when he isn't? Wouldn't that be illegal? Are his parents weird/possessive? Are they the ones wanting to keep all his stuff going to theirs and keep pretending to themselves that he lives there?

Chocoqueen · 21/05/2022 20:48

Eskimolove · 21/05/2022 20:42

If the house was rented, I could actually understand why he would be hesitant.

Show quote history

Indeed. I think for him it was the hassle of keeping changing things, so he kept everything at his parents until we were in our 'permanent' home, even though I owned the house we lived in before buying together.

Original poster
Eskimolove · 21/05/2022 21:00

Chocoqueen · 21/05/2022 20:48

Indeed. I think for him it was the hassle of keeping changing things, so he kept everything at his parents until we were in our 'permanent' home, even though I owned the house we lived in before buying together.

Show quote history

Oh. There maybe lies the problem actually for us.

We lived in the old house together. I wanted to downsize after my divorce. He was living with me at old house. He came to viewings, had opinions on places etc. But I've bought the house. Not him. Its my inheritance thats bought it. So I didn't need him in on a mortgage.

Maybe there's bigger issues here for him that I'm not aware of?

OP posts:
Original poster
Eskimolove · 21/05/2022 21:02

Staynow · 21/05/2022 20:43

That is weird as fuck. It's like he wants to pretend he still lives at his parents - but why?

The electoral roll is a legal document so surely they should not be saying he is living there when he isn't? Wouldn't that be illegal? Are his parents weird/possessive? Are they the ones wanting to keep all his stuff going to theirs and keep pretending to themselves that he lives there?

I don't see his parents much. I've told him how he's completely integrated into my side of family and invited for dinners etc. But I'm not on his.

This year alone I've not been to his parents or brothers for dinner. He's been at least once a month to my mum's or my brothers.

OP posts:
RainingYetAgain · 21/05/2022 21:05

Ah, sorry I had assumed you were in rented, and possibly moving around, it makes no sense then. I'm surprised his parents haven't said anything.
Things like electoral roll, car insurance/driving licence etc have legal ramifications if using the wrong address I thought.

TheCanyon · 21/05/2022 21:08

I didn't realise until last year that my student finance letters went to my parents. I left home 20 years ago this September. I was 35 when I realised my mum opens my mail and decides what's important to get to me.

Original poster
Eskimolove · 21/05/2022 21:09

RainingYetAgain · 21/05/2022 21:05

Ah, sorry I had assumed you were in rented, and possibly moving around, it makes no sense then. I'm surprised his parents haven't said anything.
Things like electoral roll, car insurance/driving licence etc have legal ramifications if using the wrong address I thought.

I don't know. Cause I presume he just says his home is his parents if questioned on anything. Which is wierd... Cause he lives here.

I don't know about his parents saying anything, this caused a fall out and he walked out 2 weeks ago. He's not been back since and barely spoke. He can't understand my point of view at all. His parents have just took him back in too.

I should also note. He's 40. Has 2 kids 15 and 18. I'm 37 and I have 2 kids under 7 from previous failed marriage.

OP posts:
Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 21/05/2022 21:12

I did this. Didn't bother to change my bank details because so little is posted, my car insurance and cat tax i changed to my house but bank, drivers license, polling cards all my parents. I kept meaning to change it. The lol of it all is that we moved house and my husband has had to change everything and I'm totally grand.

Chocoqueen · 21/05/2022 21:28

Eskimolove · 21/05/2022 21:00

Oh. There maybe lies the problem actually for us.

We lived in the old house together. I wanted to downsize after my divorce. He was living with me at old house. He came to viewings, had opinions on places etc. But I've bought the house. Not him. Its my inheritance thats bought it. So I didn't need him in on a mortgage.

Maybe there's bigger issues here for him that I'm not aware of?

Show quote history

Perhaps, from this (and your subsequent update), it does seem as though he's either a) not as invested in the relationship so doesn't want to change it in case it fails and has to change it back again, b) doesn't feel like it's his home too or c) still very enmeshed with his parents and they feel they should have some form of control over his life.