Partners documents

[Eskimolove]

My partner still gets his paperwork etc for everything still sent to his parents. We live together, have done for around 2 years. I said it's cause me to feel like he's not commited to me fully. To which his reply is, I don't see the problem with it, I'm not changing it. That's my insecurities.

Is this just me? Is it wierd? Does anyone else have it like this where your partner gets everything still sent to their parents.

I'm sorry but don't you think this is just really...childish? For a start, your driving licence and insurance are legal documents, they should be accurate and if your car is not normally parked at your parents then it's not true nor accurate? And I'm sure legally there could be ramifications for not updating your address on your licence, although I suspect they don't care to enforce that too strictly.

It would be an offence not to update driving licence , car paperwork, car insurance to his residential address. Are you claiming a discount on ct as if a single occupant?

I don't think it's really ....... childish at all. I live down the road so electorally doesn't make a massive difference although fair enough I probably should. I didn't update my drivers licence when I moved, do people get a new license every time they move? And I stated originally that I changed my insurance and car tax. It's very few and between the bank will send post so all grand here.

Of course you update your licence each time you move! You can be fined £1000 for not doing it, if that’s any incentive. But it’s a legal document, there’s a legal requirement for it to be your current address.

I wouldn't trust this man any further than I could throw him. He's hiding things from you and you're just accepting it.

My ex did this. Turns out was not committed to the relationship

Are you claiming a single persons discount for council tax?

At best he is really immature and at worst he isn't trustworthy. I certainly wouldn't be begging him to come back.

Are you paying single person allowance on your council tax then? Sounds like it's a bit of a fiddle if you ask me!

That's insane! So if you moved every year you'd need to go sort out a new license every year? What if you're moved around in work on a project basis? Or can you consider anything under a year as a temp address? I'm in Ireland and there's no legal obligation to update it - thank god.

I hope you dont get the council tax discount for single people.

His legal stuff should come where he lives, driving licence is a form of legal ID so should be accurate!

My ex-bil did this when he split with my sister he kept everything at hers. Wasnt impressed when his car insurance wouldnt pay out after an accident as they deemed his policy fraudulent.

He did it because he never wanted to admit his control over my sister was over, I suspect your DP is doing it because he doesnt take his living situation with you seriously. This is proven by him now living at his parents again.

He is downplaying the impact on you as well. Does he often minimise your feelings and expectations?

He is basically staying with you as a guest though. He has no rights to live with you at all and you could chuck him out whenever you want. He could say that shows a lack of commitment by you?
He is probably just being lazy. I would t see it as an issue at all. Maybe he has finances that he wants to keep private or likes having an excuse to pop back to his parents.

The problem is that the house is technically on paper mine, which is why he's refusing to get documents here.

I had no idea he felt that way. So time to see if we can work through it and find a way to fix it.

My brother is like this. Lives 2 minutes from my mother, married 15 years with no issues, still has post at the mams house due to being too lazy to change the address,, his wife regularly collects what's there, so he's not hiding anything, just lazy.

I'm married and have lived with husband for several years but never got round to changing my banking address etc. I'm still registered as living with my parents. It's because I'm 100% lazy though...nothing to do with my commitment. I'm expecting now so it's on my list of things to sort out.

It sounds as though he doesn't want to be classed as a Stepdad to your children as well. I'd be very wary of how you 'fix this', you could be doing your children out of an inheritance in the future.

Apart from it being an offence to not have your correct address on the driving licence, his motor insurance will be invalid.
If yours is the only name on your Council Tax, haven't the council told you to apply for the 25% discount ? They asked me when my son moved out.

It all sounds very odd.

Are your careers and home still quite fluid?

Two of our sons continued to use our address for important bureaucracy/ paperwork for over a decade after they left home. First they were long-course students with a new address every year; then they were in careers that required regular changes of professional training placements; and finally once qualified they both worked abroad to progress their careers/ locummed in the UK (new address every few months).

When they finally settled down and bought first homes, THEN they registered their own addresses. Made perfect sense to us (and them).

The home is bought, not rented.

And I mean nothing... Nothing at all comes in mail or deliveries etc to here. Assume he is on the council tax, utility bills, electoral roll etc?
Yes, at his parents

Hold on - he lives full time with you - but is registered as living at his parents for all official purposes, including council tax?
So do the council believe you live alone?
Do you have the 25% sole occupancy discount from council tax?

If you do - you are committing fraud.
Your b/f is the one who is making it happen. But it is YOUR responsibility to report, truthfully, who is an occupant of your home.
When you fill in your annual conformation details for the council - who do you say lives there?

I'd get that tidied up as a matter of urgency before you address what your b/f's genuine motivations are.
I suspect - given his reluctance to involve you in his family's life, while yours are welcoming to him, that it has been all too convenient for him to rock up into yours, & your gut feeling that he's not as committed as you is correct.

Does he pay half the running costs of the house, & does he do 50% of the domestic drudge?

Um ... this is quite the dripfeed OP
I don't know about his parents saying anything, this caused a fall out and he walked out 2 weeks ago. He's not been back since and barely spoke. He can't understand my point of view at all. His parents have just took him back in too.
Have I interpreted this correctly - he;s waltzed off home to mummy 2 weeks ago?
So whyTF are you posting about his document administration?
He's no longer your b/f .. surely?

I should also note. He's 40. Has 2 kids 15 and 18. I'm 37 and I have 2 kids under 7 from previous failed marriage.
Focus on your young children & forget about this man who acts out by leaving in a strop because of a row about paperwork.

The problem is that the house is technically on paper mine, which is why he's refusing to get documents here.
My head's spinning a bit OP - help me out here - WHY are you still obsessing over the documents of a man who moved out 2 weeks ago?

I had no idea he felt that way. So time to see if we can work through it and find a way to fix it.
Fix what?
Where he stores his fucking documents?
Or 'fix' the 'relationship'?
I thought he left you 2 weeks ago. Are you hoping to get him back?
Why?
HE TOLD YOU HE WANTS HIS NAME ON ON YOUR HOUSE DEEDS AND IS REFUSING TO TRANSFER HIS DOCS TO YOUR ADDRESS UNTIL YOU COMPLY.

Have a think about that, & give your head a wobble.
If you think "registering his documents here as his official residence" is equal to "deserves to get his cocklodging signature all over my house deeds" then please report in to the Viper Squad immediately, because your head needs examining.

There's CAT TAX now?
I knew the venal fuckers would come to this. There's always a bloody dodge, with cats.

I still have my bank letters sent to my parents.
They still have full access to my accounts as well 😳
I moved out 15 years ago and have been married for 13 years. DH and I were living overseas for a while and moved around a lot, thats why it was easier to leave it there. And now i just never got around to changing it. I think its gonna stay like this til they die.

DO NOT PUT HIM ON THE DEEDS!!!!