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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not let the child go in front?

69 replies

helloaibu · 21/05/2022 17:49

I must caveat this with I am struggling TTC and sensitive.

Queuing for the loo today at a big sporting event. I have a medical condition that means I need the loo urgently and cannot control it. I had been queueing for ages, there was no disabled loos and things were cutting it fine.

A mum and two children rushed up and said that her child was desperate and they needed to go in front. I said really sorry but I am currently disabled and can’t hold it. Everyone in the queue looked annoyed and the woman said ‘I’m guessing you’re not a mother then’. And the lady behind made a big thing of saying they could go in front of her.

I started to cry and felt so humiliated, normally I’d say yes and I know it was only a child but I was worried I was going to wet myself.

AIBU or were they?

OP posts:

SurpriseSurprise · 21/05/2022 17:56

YANBU I have a similar condition but with my bowels, I have had accidents in the past while queuing. I now have a RADAR key, but that brings another level of ignorance in with the amount of comments you get.

It might be worth you getting one though. I’m such an advocate for the whole “not all disabilities are visible” campaign.

The mother who shamed you is probably one of those people who thinks their children can do whatever they want “because they are children”

TooTiredToAdultToday · 21/05/2022 17:56

Not unreasonable, I’m a mam of 2 young children and would have said no in your position. If I was in her position I would have apologised for making you feel you had to explain this in front of a load of strangers. Then probably posed the question to the queue as a whole in case someone else was more able to wait a few mins. Don’t feel bad OP.

ShirleyPhallus · 21/05/2022 17:57

That’s truly awful, you’re not at fault at all, please don’t feel bad

HSKAT · 21/05/2022 17:57

YANBU.

Martinisarebetterdirty · 21/05/2022 18:02

What a bitch she was! Some people are awful OP, I’m sorry you had a rough time. She should maybe check in with her children more often so they don’t get desperate.

PurpleDaisies · 21/05/2022 18:04

YANBU at all.

Sumtimesiamgreen · 21/05/2022 18:04

Yanbu you don’t have to explain to others. You were in the queue first. How rude !

Rno3gfr · 21/05/2022 18:04

What a cow. I have a 3 year old who isn’t always great at holding it in a queue but I’ve never asked to jump. People are arseholes.

Pandarinio · 21/05/2022 18:05

Everyone who had a go at you after you explained the situation was out of order.

RebeccaCloud9 · 21/05/2022 18:05

She wasn't unreasonable to ask - small children simply can't hold it that long, and can have messy accidents. My son had toddler diarrhoea; many children can have hidden disabilities or specific toilet issues too. It's not an entitlement thing.

However, she was HUGELY unreasonable to not graciously accept your explanation. So cruel and unnecessary. What a bitch!

MummBRaaarrrTheEverLeaking · 21/05/2022 18:09

YANBU. Pulling out the "you're not a mother" card is a nasty low blow. DD is 4 and has sometimes left it to the last minute, if someone offers for her to go first fine, but I wouldn't dream of trying to push in a queue. I carry a change of clothes in case of accidents so if she does wet herself it's not the end of the world.

You didn't say how old the child was but if they were a similar age and the nasty mum didn't have a change of clothes that's on her. Anyway, a young child having an accident is nowhere near as humiliating as a grown woman. You told her you have a disability and that should have been the end of it, but she didn't like being told no.

"You're not a mother then" is such a horrible thing to say to another woman.

MrsEricBana · 21/05/2022 18:10

You poor thing, that sounds awful. She was an entitled twit. The lady behind was probably saying they could go in front of her because a) she could wait b) she was trying to appease/help the children, not to show you up. Don't give it another thought. Also, even if you didn't have a medical need, they have no more right to use the loo if everyone was desperate and you were there first.

bellabasset · 21/05/2022 18:11

My mother died of bladder cancer which wasn't diagnosed early enough to save her life. So she needed to use the toilet frequently and it's not something you can judge.

NoSquirrels · 21/05/2022 18:13

Everyone in the queue looked annoyed and the woman said ‘I’m guessing you’re not a mother then’. And the lady behind made a big thing of saying they could go in front of her.

The mother was a cow. Fine to ask, but awful not to tell you please don’t worry, my child can wait till you’re out.

Honestly I doubt the whole queue was annoyed though and if I’d been behind you I’d have let the child in front of me. I wasn’t there so no idea if the person made a ‘big thing’ as a deliberate point or if they were just diffusing an awkward situation. We British hate ‘a scene’ so I expect everyone was just feeling embarrassed.

I’m so sorry she made you feel bad.

thehistorymum · 21/05/2022 18:14

She was awful and you did nothing wrong at all!

PurpleDaisies · 21/05/2022 18:19

I doubly every single mother would be letting someone go ahead in the toilet queue. Certainly grinds I’ve known have struggled with incontinence issues after giving birth.

sassyduck · 21/05/2022 18:21

YANBU. You did nothing wrong.

Glittertwins · 21/05/2022 18:24

Definitely not being unreasonable.
I can understand her asking but her reaction was bad.

Notimeforaname · 21/05/2022 18:26

NOPE! Absolutely not being unreasonable op.

You did the right thing for you . All those people I the queue are dopes.

One humans needs isnt worth less than another just because someone has had children.

Aprilx · 21/05/2022 18:28

Don’t dwell on it, you did absolutely nothing wrong. And I really doubt that everyone else in the queue was annoyed and the woman who said they could go in front of her was probably just saying that they could go in front of her, not having a go at you. If I were the person behind you I would probably have said that too, that does not mean I am not sympathetic to your situation as well or feel you should have done something differently.

savemeagin · 21/05/2022 18:28

She wasn't unreasonable to ask - Ive had to ask before for my DC, however her reaction to you saying no is uncalled for. You were not in the wrong.

KangarooKenny · 21/05/2022 18:28

She was just being entitled. Definitely not unreasonable.

Svara · 21/05/2022 18:29

A toilet training child should have had a pull up as back up if unable to queue for a toilet. Older than that and you all go beforehand, then all together at the event before anyone is desperate. Ideally, of course! She was not unreasonable to ask, but if a child couldn't wait for one adult ahead of them then that's poor planning on the parent's part.

SarahAndQuack · 21/05/2022 18:30

You did nothing wrong and that was a horrible comment.

I know some children are terrible at not knowing they need a wee then suddenly having to make a mad dash, but IME most parents 1) are fairly familiar with the wee-dash situation and 2) bring spare clothes. If she didn't do that, she's a bit of a muppet.

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/05/2022 18:31

6% have YABU…hoping in error!

there is no way any one could think you were unreasonable surely?!

im sorry you had do deal with such wankerish behaviour Op 💐

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