To not let the child go in front?

[helloaibu]

I must caveat this with I am struggling TTC and sensitive.

Queuing for the loo today at a big sporting event. I have a medical condition that means I need the loo urgently and cannot control it. I had been queueing for ages, there was no disabled loos and things were cutting it fine.

A mum and two children rushed up and said that her child was desperate and they needed to go in front. I said really sorry but I am currently disabled and can’t hold it. Everyone in the queue looked annoyed and the woman said ‘I’m guessing you’re not a mother then’. And the lady behind made a big thing of saying they could go in front of her.

I started to cry and felt so humiliated, normally I’d say yes and I know it was only a child but I was worried I was going to wet myself.

AIBU or were they?

I went to see Andre Rieu a little while ago. Most people there were over 60..many commented on how young I was in the queue for the toilets at the intervil and how I should be "well able to hold it for the 2 hour show " and how the queue was "ridiculous" 🤣 piss off. I had as much right to stand in a queue for the jax, regardless of how old or young I am.

Plus I’d be saying to her that if becoming a mother turns me into someone who behaves like you…I don’t wanna be one

That’s horrible, how nasty of her especially after you explained that you have a disability. So in her head you should have soiled yourself to prevent her child from potentially doing the same thing.

Do you have one of those ‘Just Can’t Wait’ cards? You can order them for free online and they say something like ‘the holder of this card has a bladder/bowel condition and needs to use a toilet urgently’, maybe if you’d pulled out one of those she would have shut up? Not that you should have had to!

Yanbu, she was rude and a cow.

If I had been one of the people in that queue I would have thought it was ok for her to ask, your response was perfectly reasonable and hers was awful.

She didn't even ask tho

She wasn’t unreasonable to ask if her child could go in front of you but she was very unreasonable to make the comment that she did when you said no, especially when you explained that you have a medical condition.

I can remember waiting to use the loo at a petrol station, we’d got stuck in bad traffic so it was a long time after I’d first started needing a wee and I was genuinely worried I was going to wet myself. If anyone had asked to go in front of me they would have got no for an answer!

I’m really sorry that you were made so upset. You didn’t deserve it at all 💐

"I'm guessing you're not disabled then" would have been my very loud reply.

Your not at fault. I hope your okay. That's horrible.

I have 2 kids and would never even dare ask to jump queues for toilets! If it's offered up to me we have taken it. But my kids need to ask to either go sooner, or just bloody wait like everyone else.

YANBU - I hope the evil twat reads this and is fully ashamed of herself, though doesn’t sound the type to be reflective.

I hate people like this, thinking that because they have a child in tow they are entitled to jump queues. The CF shouldn’t have waited until the child was desperate before taking them to the toilet.

She wasn't unreasonable to ask and you weren't unreasonable to refuse, but her comment about you not being a mother was inexcusable, what an awful thing to say to another woman. It was horribly mean and I would have told her so, had I been in the queue.

I came on to recommend the same thing as @FirewomanSam. I have a 'Just Can't Wait' card, which has been incredibly helpful and has saved me from potential embarrassment on several occasions over the last few years. You can apply online at www.bladderandbowel.org/help-information/just-cant-wait-card/ and I've just seen that you can even download a digital version to your phone. It's not a "magic key", but it's a helpful tool which can be used in place of having to explain to a shop employee (or a whole queue of strangers!) why you need to use the toilet quickly, without you from having to explain any particular details.

I'm really sorry this happened to you, I hope you can take some comfort in the replies you've had here and feel safe in the knowledge that the general consensus is that woman is a bitchy-bitchfaced-bitch-of-a-bitch.

To be honest I would not have even have explained why I was saying no, I would of course be polite tough. She was ungracious in her response.

I am very surprised that there were no disabled facilities and tbh I'd be writing a letter of complaint about this going against the spirit of the Equality Act.

We're you being unreasonable? You don't think so. Nor does she. I've been in both scenarios and like pp have said have a Radar key too. Though again, have also been "harassed" when using this on multiple occasions in certain venues, in one place by the young/naive/ignorant staff member policing the toilets.

She was a bitch

Fine (if cheeky) to ask, her comment however was totally unreasonable. I've refused to let people in front of me because I couldn't wait

You’re not unreasonable at all. I bet she was using the kids so she could wee first anyway. Kids are not the centre of the universe.

Also her comment makes her a grade A cunt.

It's not healthy to hold it in for 2 hours, is it?

YANBU as someone who has chrons and urgently needs the toilet I would be mortified if someone asked to skip me and I said no. It would make me feel awkward and uncomfortable even though I know I’m right.
In addition, I had 7 years of treatment to conceive my daughter and a comment like that woman made would have really stung.
I think you can see on here that everyone is supportive of you and hope it helps give u a little lift x

The woman is an idiot for not taking a change of clothes, there are often big queues at these type of events.

I remember when I was about 13, me and my friend went to the toilets before a match at the local hockey club (the only ones there), and a woman was banging on the tour like a banshee for us to hurry up. Awful, and that age you are quite self-consious.

Everyone is entilted to use the facilities.

YANBU

I've never asked to queue jump like that with my DC - she made an absolute arse of herself with that nasty comment.
I've offered to let people in front of me when it is obvious they are desperate IF I'm not also desperate and to odd person has offered to the DC. I wouldn't ask - I've been right on the edge of wetting myself too many times to put an adult in that situation.

^hurry up because she had a toddler needing to go to the loo. The woman was totally out of line.

Wow she was a nasty bitch!

She wasn't unreasonable to ask but you said no she should have accepted it graciously. She certainly shouldn't have pulled out the mother bull shit and she's lucky that you cried rather than retaliated. You have nothing to be ashamed of x

You weren't being unreasonable to say no, but neither was she unreasonable to ask. Her reaction was really unreasonable.

I have a 5yo who is a nightmare for leaving it to the last second. And a friend with issues so see it from both POV.