DD15 dropped from football team

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DD15 has played football for 4 years. She's been with the same team for the whole time although a number of girls have come and go. Their coach has been trying to find out who will be resigning for next season. He pulled me aside this week to say that he is considering dropping my DD from the team to allow a new player in who plays the same position, but she is welcome to stay as train only if she wanted to.

She's not the strongest player on the pitch but she's definitely also not the worst, has had a really good season and got player of the match on a couple of occasions.

When I asked for the reasoning behind this I was told that although she is good on the ball, her brain just isn't 'quick enough' for football and it takes her too long to make decisions on the pitch. DD15 is autistic (Asperger's) and one of her biggest issues is indecisiveness. I can see during her matches that sometimes she may take a little longer to make a decision but it doesn't seem to affect the game (she doesn't stand there for minutes deciding what to do, it's a matter of seconds!).

In a nutshell, the coach wants to sign this new player but can't unless he drops someone and although he has said he knows that DD can't help being autistic, it's going to be an issue for the next season as it is much more competitive (although this is still grassroots!).

Would I be unreasonable to talk to the club about this? My DD has been with the team the longest out of all the current players and is extremely upset.

Do those girls play her position though?

Can she play in their position? Is there a reason she can’t take one of their spots?

and I suppose it depends on wether the coach and support staff believe they are weaker.

That's the reality of competitive sports. They want the best players. Its not your daughters fault OP but neither is it the coaches. They can't continue to keep your daughter if she simply isn't as good as the other kids. I would look for another team.

So he is discriminating her for her disability... which is a protected characteristic in law.

Don’t be silly. It’s not discrimination when the disability has a material impact on the ability to do the job. Plus, this isn’t even a job, it’s a kids football team. If she’s slow to react, that means she’s less good on the team and the coach has every right to choose someone better.

OP, I’m sorry the coach seems to have handled it badly, and I think you could reasonably point out how well she seems to have contributed to the team this year. But your daughter is 15 not 5, and she may just need to come to terms with the fact that the way her brain works has an impact on what things she does well and what things she doesn’t.

He has done nothing of the sort. Dont be so ridiculous.

Realistically, if she's likely to hold the team back next season, when things get really hard and the opposition is tougher, then the outcome if that would be very negative for her. Her team mates would feel negatively about her, and that would easily be as bad for her as being dropped.

This sort of things is happening in many many households across the country. Kids, teens and adults are having to face being dropped from their team, and it hurts. A lot. But the vast majority do not have a condition that they or their parents can 'blame' for it. Assuming they've all tried their very best, they 'can't help' not belong good enough either. They just don't have anything to pin it on.

I don't agree with this. In competitive sport you want the people who are the best at that sport. That's like saying if she wanted to play for a premier league team they'd HAVE to let her - no.

He is not saying she needs to leave the club, and is happy to have her there to train. Just saying that if there is a player in her position who is better, she will no longer get a match spot. That's all. And that's fair.

Nothing is worse than having a young person who thinks they can have whatever they want. It's an important lesson.

Check the constitution of your club. The FA is fighting the "win at all costs" ethos but individuals like this are still the problem. There's a difference between a selective team with trials and a team where the coach has taken against a child. Fairly sure at my club we have an inclusive ethos.

But at 15, it’s down to talent isn’t it? And if she’s too indecisive then that’s that. Sports is tough as they get older.

Agree with this.

As a child I wasn't picked for teams because I wasn't good enough (couldn't run fast enough and, like a poster above, had issues with depth perception).

There was never an issue with calling 'discrimination' - I just wasn't good enough. The coaches were clearly discriminating, in the original sense of the word, between those who were good and those who were not.

I think at 15 it is reasonable to expect the coach to want to put together the best team - perhaps different at 7/8 but mid teens is old enough to be realistic about competitive leagues.

Presumably the coach would like the team to be first in the league, not third. If the new player can help with that then it is perfectly reasonable to drop your daughter. She will have many knocks as she grows. Learning how to deal with them and move forward is far more important than getting a place out of pity.

My son played competitive rugby and all were welcome. Sure there were weaker players but they still got to play matches. They might be subbed off more frequently than other players but all had the chance to participate - we had about 24 lads and obviously not all are needed but they still all got to (not necessarily every match).
So I wonder if the coach couldn't let your child (and other weaker players) play but maybe just less.
However, jumping to the conclusion that he is discriminating BECAUSE of her Aspergers may be incorrect. . Quick thinking is an essential part of the game and if she can't do it it's the same as someone else who can't or maybe can't run fast enough or whatever. Too bad they feel they need to cut these players rather than find a way for them to keep feeling like an important member of the team.

It seems from some PP that the coach needs to register players, and there is a limit on that. So maybe only 15 or whatever individuals can play for a team in a season?

I wonder whether rugby or cricket have similar rules at this age, or if they are more flexible? Anyone know?

If she is in a "competitive" team such as a professional teams youth football, then fair enough, it is hard, but they are professionals who know their sport and how to spot and nurture the type of talent they want.

It is hilarious anyone thinks football clubs with volunteer coaches and local leagues/tournaments are "competitive". Grass roots isnt "cut throat" it is barely trained adults playing football manager as a hobby because they are bored of their day job. Some coaches have loyalty to their players as they realise children develop at different rates others just shouldnt be coaches.

So he is discriminating her for her disability... which is a protected characteristic in law.
Not really, no. It's competitive sport, there isn't really scope for reasonable adjustments.
They want to win.

If the coach thinks her indecisiveness will lose them matches then it’s better for her to move on really. She will quickly become unpopular if she’s perceived by the team as their weak link that means they keep losing. It seems harsh but it’s probably the best thing.

I was dropped from the dance squad in school and was gutted, but I did recognise that I wasn’t as bendy or quick as the rest of them so I just became their #1 supporter and stayed friends as I kept going to class. It was hard, but better than to have been the one who let them down all the time.

There are weaker players but she's being dropped because of her disability?
Discrimination and I'd tell him that.

The ableism on this thread is depressing but not surprising too.

She's not being dropped "because of her disability", she's being dropped because her reactions and decision making are not fast enough. There may be players who are on the bench more, but they might play in different positions, or they might be showing potential that the coach is building on.

The new person joining the club presumably plays in DD's position. I remember my own football playing daughter getting very stressed when someone who played in her position joined her club from another. The threat is always there that someone might take your place in the team. DD's condition is a bit of a red herring, tbh. She's not being judged by it, she's been established at the club for some time, so the charge of ableism seems misplaced. She simply doesn't meet the standard needed for what appears to be a particularly challenging next season.

Like I said, this is happening to hundreds if not thousands of children, teenagers and adults right now. Playing team sports can be brutal in that sense.

She’s been dropped from the team because she isn’t good enough at football to stay in this particular team at this particular level, because she is 15 and not 5, and football at that stage is competitive. It doesn’t matter how good her ball skills are or how physically fit she is if she can’t manage the instinctive decision elements of the game - the fact that she’s autistic is neither here nor there; plenty of neurotypical kids don’t have that ability either. There is no discrimination here. The nature of competitive team sport at that level is that teams are picked by ability. That’s what competition is.

I’d suggest looking for a football club that has more than one team. Plenty will have a first team and a second/third team, which means the kids are training together and still getting games regardless of whether they’re the best players at the club, and can move up and down between teams according to their form.

I absolutely do feel sorry for your daughter because rejection is extremely hard, especially at that age. But it is part and parcel of competitive sport.

It is hilarious anyone thinks football clubs with volunteer coaches and local leagues/tournaments are "competitive". Grass roots isnt "cut throat" it is barely trained adults playing football manager as a hobby because they are bored of their day job.

I hope you're not the parent of a child who does any sort of sport, because that's disgusting attitude to the people who give up their time to make that possible.

Exactly. And the kids take their games extremely seriously. At 15 of course they're competitive. The national sportsmen and women wouldn't be where they are if it wasn't for the people who nurtured them as kids, and without having that competitive spirit.

I've not come across sports snobbery before, but @KrisAkabusi is obviously a winner at it.

I've not come across sports snobbery before, but @KrisAkabusi is obviously a winner at it.

Er, no, I was pointing out what a bad attitude that was, not condoning it!

Aaargh! I am SO sorry. I even knew that, but then forgot to look back to see who you'd quoted. Sincere apologies, and I should of course have tagged @Blanketpolicy for being an arse.

Could you find another team to sign her?

Err...... so do you think professional athletes get dropped down from heaven at 18? They would have al had to be trained at grass root level

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