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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think winning the lottery would destroy the relationships you have with some people

59 replies

cuppateaandabiccie · 20/05/2022 19:03

Just reflecting on the couple who have won £184 million in the lottery. To say that is a lot of money is an understatement!

i was just say dreaming about what I’d spend it on - I’d pay off my mortgage, buy a new car and I’d love to buy a holiday home in Italy or Spain. I’d give quite a lot to close family members and to very very close friends and then loads to charities.

I always said I’d want to retire but my stance is that I’d never go public with my winnings and I think if I just came into work one day and retired the next that the secret would be out!

I’m not sure how I would deal with it when I first found out - I don’t think I’d want to tell DH, DC or anyone for that matter until I got stuff sorted and worked out. I’d only ever give the money to family and friends on the basis that they don’t tell anyone about it.

i don’t know how you could keep it a secret forever though. I feel as though my family would hate me for keeping it a secret forever and then distant relatives/work colleagues/acquaintances would hate me also as I don’t think I’d give anything to them because they’d only be wanting money off me!

AIBU to think that way?

OP posts:
cansu · 20/05/2022 19:07

I don't see it would be an issue at all. If I won such a huge amount of money I would give some away to friends and family. If I had ridi ulous amounts I would probably also treat colleagues etc. Depends on the type of person you are I guess.

PrettyMaybug · 20/05/2022 19:09

Well it would only destroy 'relationships' with people who don't matter IMO.

I can't imagine the people I love and am close to falling out with me, because I would spoil them rotten, and make their lives much more financially secure. Also, they would not demand anything. Or beg etc...

If any relationships were destroyed, it is very likely to be the people in my life who aren't arsed with me half the time (usually only if they want something) because I KNOW they will just be all over me for my money, and I will tell them to fuck off.

I know someone who has a VERY VERY famous son, and she has lost a few friends because of it. Even some extended family of hers were cold with her. Weirdly jealous all of them. I was thrilled for her and her son, when he became hugely famous, and we remained very good friends.

mast0650 · 20/05/2022 19:10

I seriously hate to win multi-millions of pounds. I'd find it so stressful deciding the best thing to do with it. You'd have to give most of it away as keeping it would just be pointless. But then you have to choose the "best" charities, how much to give to family members or friends etc. Nightmare! Seriously. I'd really rather not.

godmum56 · 20/05/2022 19:13

You wouldn't tell your husband (your DEAR husband) until you had stuff worked out???? must be a great relationship!

Kekky · 20/05/2022 19:14

I wouldn't tell anyone that I'd won the £150m+ Euromillions, I might say I won £1m on the millionaire maker or a scratch card so the obvious purchases are explained/covered. £1m is the sort of amount that you can say you invested most of it so you don't have loads to give away anymore when people tip up with their begging bowls.
You'd still have the snarky comments but they'd probably leave you alone soon enough.

PrettyMaybug · 20/05/2022 19:14

mast0650 · 20/05/2022 19:10

I seriously hate to win multi-millions of pounds. I'd find it so stressful deciding the best thing to do with it. You'd have to give most of it away as keeping it would just be pointless. But then you have to choose the "best" charities, how much to give to family members or friends etc. Nightmare! Seriously. I'd really rather not.

Fuck that. I would LOVE to win multi millions!

Original poster
cuppateaandabiccie · 20/05/2022 19:15

godmum56 · 20/05/2022 19:13

You wouldn't tell your husband (your DEAR husband) until you had stuff worked out???? must be a great relationship!

I don’t know what I’d do! I don’t think I could really know unless I was actually in that position.

i think I’d need time to work through it all and decided what I’m doing then I’d tell DH first before I tell anyone else

OP posts:
PrettyMaybug · 20/05/2022 19:15

Never ever having to worry about money again is a dream for many.

Money doesn't buy happiness, but the lack of it brings misery.

WulyJmpr · 20/05/2022 19:19

You'd give a bit away to friends and family. They'd spend it and always want more because "you can afford it".

And if they weren't given more then they'd definitely treat you differently.

You'd never know who are your real friends.

SilverPeacock · 20/05/2022 19:19

I would have to give most of it to charity which is not me being altruistic. I just wouldn’t like to have that much money

Notaneffingcockerspaniel · 20/05/2022 19:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

SilverPeacock · 20/05/2022 19:22

DHs family are only one step away from some shady elements so I don’t think we would be able to tell them. I don’t know what we would do.

SisterAgatha · 20/05/2022 19:23

I’ve always said I wouldn’t tell a soul and would find a way to give them the money without them knowing it was me.

An unknown relatives will means they inherit.
They find a Rolex.
A really cushty job with a remote employer etc.

in fact I think planning these schemes and finding ways to do it, would keep me busy enough in my lottery retirement.

BatshitBanshee · 20/05/2022 19:24

Apart from DH, I'd tell no one. Give myself a modest yearly salary out of it, do some home refurbs and put the rest in savings and an amount in investments. But share my news with anyone else or go public? Not a fucking hope. I'd definitely use some money to try make life easier for those close to me but I wouldn't say I've won the lotto how much do you want!

Original poster
cuppateaandabiccie · 20/05/2022 19:25

WulyJmpr · 20/05/2022 19:19

You'd give a bit away to friends and family. They'd spend it and always want more because "you can afford it".

And if they weren't given more then they'd definitely treat you differently.

You'd never know who are your real friends.

You’ve basically just said what I was thinking. I mean, let’s say Sally, from work, who I never talk to that often, found out and asked for a bit of money, do I say yes because I have so much money and it’s a nice thing to do or do I say no because she’s clearly taking advantage?

it’s that kind of thing I’d be unsure about. People asking for money and not knowing whether they’re taking the hand out of me or if I’m being selfish for not giving money

OP posts:
DockOTheBay · 20/05/2022 19:25

I would definitely tell DH immediately, its joint money.
I would want to help close family, especially my husbands parents as they are not well off. However it would be difficult to explain why they were suddenly able to buy a house when previously they couldn't. And why we suddenly had a bigger house and a better car and were going on fancy holidays... I think it would be impossible to keep secret.

Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic · 20/05/2022 19:26

I think it could lead to trouble and could lead to the loss of some family or friends as maybe some people would suddenly see you differently and expect things from you that they didn't before.
If you gave them an amount of money would they think you didn't give enough considering how much you got, people who love and care for you certainly shouldn't but it could happen. How would you even decide how much to give people, i think that would be really difficult if you won an amount like £184 million.
I think it would be naive to believe you could win that amount of money and not to have some problems/struggles. I would hope though that most people would be very grateful for any money given. I would keep it quiet and give to family and close friends, maybe a few million each and then give to charities that are close to my heart.
After that i would build a house that i helped design so it suited my family, new car each for me and DH and book a few holidays....would probably buy a holiday home too. My DH would either finish working or go part time which would give us plenty of family time (i am a SAHM).
Would also put millions each into savings accounts for all of our 7 children so they have enough to set up a home and have a great life as adults.
We can only dream!

Soubriquet · 20/05/2022 19:28

I don’t have a relationship with people but I could guarantee that if I won this sort of money, and went public, my family would come slinking out of the dark acting as if we’ve been close for years

CuteOrangeElephant · 20/05/2022 19:30

My DH and I have discussed this at length.

The consensus is that we don't tell a soul. We might upgrade our house, but that money will come from shares that I got in a startup. We will go on holiday much more frequently than we do now, but no one needs to know that our two weeks in France was in super luxury accommodation.

I don't ever want to become a target for the wrong kind of people. So no flashy lifestyle, no fancy cars or 130k watches (like that guy that got robbed in Oxford).

Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic · 20/05/2022 19:30

cuppateaandabiccie · 20/05/2022 19:25

You’ve basically just said what I was thinking. I mean, let’s say Sally, from work, who I never talk to that often, found out and asked for a bit of money, do I say yes because I have so much money and it’s a nice thing to do or do I say no because she’s clearly taking advantage?

it’s that kind of thing I’d be unsure about. People asking for money and not knowing whether they’re taking the hand out of me or if I’m being selfish for not giving money

Show quote history

I'd say no to anyone who i didn't know well and want to give money to or everyone would be asking and it's rude. You can't just go asking for money off someone because you know they've come into money, that's just CF behaviour! I wouldn't put up with that.
If someone showed me a gofundme page for example and i thought it was a good cause then i'd be more than happy to contribute to that but no i wouldn't let people treat me like a bank and try to become pally because of money, no way.

daretodenim · 20/05/2022 19:33

I wouldn't tell anybody other than my husband - although as we're divorcing I'd hope it was so much that dividing it in half wouldn't bother me!!

If you do go public like this couple, then for the rest of your life you never know if new people in your life are genuinely new friends who like you for being you or "hangers on". It's similar to being famous.

I actually can't believe they went public. They're going to be flooded with people contacting them now, with the most horrible tales of woe, some of which will be true, others not..and honestly, I'd absolutely hate that.

Original poster
cuppateaandabiccie · 20/05/2022 19:37

daretodenim · 20/05/2022 19:33

I wouldn't tell anybody other than my husband - although as we're divorcing I'd hope it was so much that dividing it in half wouldn't bother me!!

If you do go public like this couple, then for the rest of your life you never know if new people in your life are genuinely new friends who like you for being you or "hangers on". It's similar to being famous.

I actually can't believe they went public. They're going to be flooded with people contacting them now, with the most horrible tales of woe, some of which will be true, others not..and honestly, I'd absolutely hate that.

i know that’s the reason why I don’t think I could ever tell people.

the secret would get out though, I think.

i give money to my in laws, they buy expensive stuff and then people find out they got money as their Daughter in law won the lottery. It’d get out. The only way I think you could keep it a true secret is by not telling anyone at all, but then how could you give your family some money? I wouldn’t feel right not giving my own family some of my winnings

OP posts:
Norma27 · 20/05/2022 19:39

I don’t know if I would go public. If I did I would be happy to give large amounts to my very close friends and a few family members. I would feel very comfortable in telling any other people to fuck off. I would give to charities I felt were supportive of biological women and garden for amazing brave women taking a stand.

Original poster
cuppateaandabiccie · 20/05/2022 19:42

Norma27 · 20/05/2022 19:39

I don’t know if I would go public. If I did I would be happy to give large amounts to my very close friends and a few family members. I would feel very comfortable in telling any other people to fuck off. I would give to charities I felt were supportive of biological women and garden for amazing brave women taking a stand.

I get what you mean. I think I’d have a hard time saying no to people.

I’d probably be thinking but I have so much money how could I say no to any of these people even if I don’t really know them

OP posts:
InTheNightWeWillWish · 20/05/2022 19:45

I don’t think you could keep it a secret and even with an unlimited fund such as that, surely people have people in their family they wouldn’t want to give the money to? Or friends who have questionable partners?

I would quite happily give my friend £1mil but I don’t really want her husband having it. So I would have to have a very frank conversation about how happy she really was with her husband and if she wanted to leave, I’d make sure she was OK financially but then how do you not give her the money after that conversation? If she didn’t want to leave, I would probably just send her vouchers and presents for her and the kids. We would probably give some to DH’s gran but wouldn’t necessarily want his other family (who we have no contact with) coming out of the woodwork. I would definitely have some relatives that I’m already NC with but would suddenly be eager to reconnect and whilst I have no issues telling them to fuck off, I can’t be arsed with the inevitable fallout and daily Mail sad faces that would likely follow. And there would be Daily Mail sad faces: “My sister actually second cousin won £184 mil and wouldn’t give me a penny despite the fact we haven’t spoken in 6 years and the reason we haven’t spoken is because you’re a money grabbing twat.”

Then there’s the people who would be offended that you were giving them a ‘handout’, when you literally couldn’t spend that money without helping your loved ones.

It seems like a headache to be honest.