To think winning the lottery would destroy the relationships you have with some people

[cuppateaandabiccie]

Just reflecting on the couple who have won £184 million in the lottery. To say that is a lot of money is an understatement!

i was just say dreaming about what I’d spend it on - I’d pay off my mortgage, buy a new car and I’d love to buy a holiday home in Italy or Spain. I’d give quite a lot to close family members and to very very close friends and then loads to charities.

I always said I’d want to retire but my stance is that I’d never go public with my winnings and I think if I just came into work one day and retired the next that the secret would be out!

I’m not sure how I would deal with it when I first found out - I don’t think I’d want to tell DH, DC or anyone for that matter until I got stuff sorted and worked out. I’d only ever give the money to family and friends on the basis that they don’t tell anyone about it.

i don’t know how you could keep it a secret forever though. I feel as though my family would hate me for keeping it a secret forever and then distant relatives/work colleagues/acquaintances would hate me also as I don’t think I’d give anything to them because they’d only be wanting money off me!

AIBU to think that way?

Certain relationships would change because I'd be living somewhere exotic.

The people who matter would be living the high life with me or in any destination of their choice and would never have to work again unless they choose to work.

I would definitely go public with a huge win like that!
I only have 2 immediate members of family I would treat/help out so if anyone else tried to climb out of the woodwork they'd immediately get told to fuck the fuck off.
Certainly wouldn't be handing it out to colleagues willy nilly either.

1. I would get myself and DP a house
2. I'd pay off FIL mortgage
3. get my mum a house
4. get driving lessons and a car
5. help out my sibling/DPs childhood friend
6. get savings set up for my children
7. get some nice holidays booked

Going public is such a terrible idea. Ruins any chance of living even a semi-normal life, for you or your children. Also makes you a huge target for burglars, kidnappers etc.

I'd have to give away anything over about £5m, and give myself an allowance from the rest (with a withdrawal rate capped at 4% so it never runs out). Like a smaller-scale Mackenzie Scott - she has exactly the right idea!

I’d tell nobody but dh. This poor couple are now already having the ex wife in the papers like how is she relevant at all personally. Their shared children are adults so while yes he could give them a leg up that’s still nothing to her.

hell I’d rather tell people I got a mystery inheritance of much much less to explain any flash purchases.

I think everyone so far is being naive. I think even if you're gifting a huge sum to your family and treating them all the time itcan shift the dynamic. Forget jealousy, It can make people paranoid- oh sweet thinks she's better than us, she thinks we can't afford our own car, or to educate our kids. Sweet has gone up herself since she won that money- Primark and Tesco isn't good enough anymore etc .

I know someone who always picks up the tan at dinner and it definitely ruffles feathers.

Obviously I'd still tell my family, but I'd be wary that it could change or even destroy some relationships.

Yes it’s too much money. DH and I were discussing who we’d give so many millions too and I said but I think if we gave every one of our friends 1 million each we’d never have the same friendship groups. Everything would change (we live in the grim old north where a million goes a long way!!) I think it would change the group dynamics a lot.

I would keep a lottery win a secret and literally disappear from my current life and start again somewhere no one knew me.
donations to charities would be anonymous.

I wonder if people have friends with wildly different incomes from them. I have done and even that is tricky. You have to manage it and think about it.

Millions, of course your life would change. And I really like my life so I don't buy a ticket. No sense risking it!

I was discussing with my friend the other day and said if you won 184 million and gave all your friends £2 million each you'd still get some saying "Tight bastard only giving us 2, they're still stilling on 140"

money does funny thigns to people - a friend once won £100,000 and straight away people he'd worked with for 2 weeks were suddenly very friendly and couldn't do enough for him!

I actually know a couple, friends but not close, whose DB/DBIL won a seriously chunky amount on Euromillions three or four years ago. I don't get the impression that much of it came their way...
(Possibly a six figure sum? Their lifestyle has not changed.)
Have to say that if I won a similar amount my DB and DSIL would get a life changing sum.

Bloody hell, I wish it’d been us 😢

Oh, I know!! I got in the shower this morning just imagining being that couple wishing it was me!

Hey guys, do you think she’s a Mumsnetter?

I thought that when I saw them on the news.

I worried even for their marriage. Life will change so much for them and so many new strange pressures.

I hope I'm wrong and it's all an amazing dream come true for them.

But I know for a fact I'd have aunts and uncles who haven't ever seen me as an adult appearing from the woodwork and friends who I don't get replies from suddenly begging etc.

I also worry that even if you gave someone £1m they'd be like "tight cow, she's got another £183m"

Certainly wouldn't go public with it. And would downplay what I'd won.

I’d never go public. Your family name would be Googleable forever and I wouldn’t want people in my DCs lives or even GCs lives to know how their family came into money or how much! Jealousy, kidnapping risk, fake relationships, manipulation or being looked down on as they didn’t earn it would be all be big concerns.

Im NC with my family, we’d have to tell DH’s. Not for a long while or how much, definitely. Don’t see them much. Work colleagues wouldn’t question if we both resigned. No close friends really. The ones we have wouldn’t question us moving abroad with a fake job offer and ‘losing contact’ sadly.

I would set up something as a front for an anonymous foundation and have the time of my life giving a lot of it away on an individual basis.

My biggest challenge would be to ensure that my child and little kids in our immediate family grow up to be grounded, respectful, humble adults who understand the value of money and appreciate the importance of hard work.

I wouldn't go public but I'd ensure that my immediate family is never wanted for anything. I'd give enough to DM and DF to retire early and live the rest of their lives comfortably. I'd also give a life changing sum to my DB and his family and ensure that my nephew is also set up for life, as well as my only cousin.

DH and I would 100% leave our jobs and relocate to our dream destination within the UK and set up a non profit business we are passionate about and would also have holiday homes in France & Italy.

We don't have lots of friends but the ones we have are very close so we would also treat them, and also my amazing colleagues who are work friends. I've always thought that paying off their mortgages would be an appropriate gift and would certainly take the pressure off the every day worries. I'd probably give them a tidy lump sum too that they could spend / invest as they see fit and give them access to our holiday homes.

I was watching this morning today and thinking about this. The sly way to be able to give to other people without it being suspicious is to just pay off everyone’s mortgages I think. That doesn’t display any wealth to anyone yet is a massive burden taken off them. Of course then you’d want to give some people more than that or some would expect more than that. I’m just instantly thinking my in-laws would outright ask for money if it was us. It’s then really awkward because you have almost unlimited money to give but it’s just the principal of people being cheeky and treating you differently. The easiest way to do it (while losing everyone you know) would be to move to Australia or somewhere to a relatively wealthy area. No one would care how you got the money you have and you could make up any lie under the sun, say you sold your company to move there etc. The good thing is if you wanted it all to be over tomorrow you can go, donate the whole lot and go back to work if you want 😊

@Kekky has the right idea, I'd do that too. I'd say I'd won a million, enough to help family out and treat friends and explain bigger purchases. I would genuinely want to continue working though and the vast majority would go to charity.

I also worry that even if you gave someone £1m they'd be like "tight cow, she's got another £183m" @SecondarySnob

👆🏼 Yip, this 😂

I think it would be horrendous and no way on earth would I go public.

I would want to give a lot away but yes, where does it end? I have colleagues I consider friends that I would consider giving money to but others I wouldn’t so how would that work?

Fortunately I don’t do the lottery so won’t ever have this issue🤣🤣

How would you even have a normal conversation with anyone anymore?

say it was you who won the £184 million, you’re talking to someone in the shops and they say “my goodness, did you hear about that person who won the £184 million on the lottery?”

I don’t know how I could keep it a secret knowing it’s me (if I ever did win the lottery)

I daydream about this a lot! I like to think I could keep it secret for a long time and quietly upgrade my lifestyle! I am very private and wouldn't want to stand out from the crowd anyway. I'd give a lot of it away but keep a lot squirrelled away as well.

For me I know this huge amount of money would mean very little unless i could share it with our (admittedly small) family and close friends.
It would help smooth out the discrepancy between our new life and theirs, because it's very tricky when people suddenly become vastly richer than their friends.
All I can think of is that I would have conversations with each of them saying I'd like to share my luck with you, here is X amount, and once it's done we won't discuss it again.
Then they can do what they like with it.
With a huge sum like that I think I'd probably share at least half between F&F with any charitable donations and bequests coming from 'my' half.

I don't play the lottery often, sometimes have a flutter a couple of times a year so I have little to no chance of even winning.

In the incredibly rare occasion I'd won a good amount. I'd agree to not going public at all and I'd not tell anyone other than DH. With close family and friends I'd downplay the win for sure, max of £2m perhaps.