to think kids are more immature since lockdown

[mummyofthreeplus]

Seeing my DS (13 and in year 9) and the way him and his friends act it seems more like the way my older dc would have acted I’m year 7 or even 6. I have a friend who is a teacher and she says far more behavioural issues and friendship problems that pre covid and even in sixth form far more issues with not doing work and poor attendance. Has anyone else noticed this that it seems like kids are now a lot “younger” for their age since covid?

Also, to add to a PP about money, yes. That’s the one academic area that they do struggle with more. They can do the maths (Fred has 20p and his sweet costs 17p. How much change will he get?). But they can’t put it into coins. What coins can you use to make 13p? Because they used to know that there were only certain denominations of coins even if they were unsure what those were. Now, they have no clue that you don’t get a 3p piece. They haven’t been shopping and if they have it’s largely done by card. The money lessons have been … interesting!!

10000%. My eldest sons teacher has said to me this cohort (Y2) are very different to every other cohort she’s had. For Y2’s in particular, they’ve never had a full school year until this year and lots of the groundwork is laid in reception and Y1 and a lot of that was missed due to lockdowns or school restrictions and as such. My son is fine academically, but his ability to navigate friendships, playground squabbles etc has definitely been negatively impacted and he is still very much in a younger mindset in that regard.

Not surprising, but omg, Year 7 in particular are frankly unsocialised! The behaviour is noticeably worse/less mature than previous years. I think Year 8 had it worst, but their behaviour seems far better. Granted, I’m only looking at one school, but there are far fewer incidents with the older groups.

You have described eldest to a T. He constantly tells me such and such sneered at him, such and such didn’t want to play the same game as him, such and such glared at me today. Most days I get these reports from him and I’m at a loss of what more I can say to him other than “ignore it” and “were they ACTUALLY doing xyz?” He is also so much more clingy to me, he went from happily going to visit spend time with family to endless “I’ll miss you too much”, which is slowly getting better, but with lots of back steps. He even randomly says he doesn’t want to go to school some days as he’ll miss me too much, where pre covid he’d happily run in every day without fail. Lots of tears from various children at drop off too. It’s awful for them.

Chickenburgers
There’s not much you can say! There’s not much we can say either. It depends a little bit on the child but just lots of repeating to try and get the message through.
”He doesn’t want to play your game. That’s ok - we don’t all have to do the same thing. He isn’t being mean and he still likes you. So can you tell me your choices? You can play his game, or play something different without him. You can’t force him to do what you want. It’s not because he doesn’t like you and he’s not being mean. He just wants to play something different today. What will you choose?” I have the advantage of actively being able to distract- “Look, they’ve got the football out - shall we go and join in?”
”She looked at you? Ok, well, even if you don’t like it you can’t stop that but are you hurt? Or are you ok? Yes, you’re fine, aren’t you? So it doesn’t really matter if she looked at you does it, because you are ok. So don’t worry about it any more.”
”You’ve both said something a little bit but silly haven’t you? But I know you are super good friends really so how can you work it out together? That’s a brilliant idea - well done. Do you think next time you could have a go at working it out out first and tell me afterwards what you decided to do? That would be amazing!”

I do try and finish every one of those conversations with reassurance and praise. “You’re ok. Well done - brilliant choice.” They aren’t being deliberately difficult- they are telling me in the only way they have that they aren’t feeling happy or they can’t cope. So I need to tell them that they are fine and safe and it’s ok and their friend does still like them until they’ve properly internalised that. If that makes sense.

Yes I think they are and I don't think it's a bad thing at all.

I think we will be living with the consequences of lockdowns for many years

You don’t think it’s a bad thing that 7/8 year olds are unable to navigate friendship issues/deal with conflict, without significant adult intervention?
Or that 2/3 year olds are struggling with developing friendships as they having learned basic concepts such as sharing? And that their speech is ‘immature’?
That teens are unable to manage their own workloads at school?
That some children are struggling with basic self care tasks?

Children are supposed to ‘mature’. It’s how they become functioning adults. Being ‘mature’ doesn’t mean smoking behind bike sheds, it means being able to deal with things in age appropriate ways.
Being ‘immature’ doesn’t mean playing with ponies and dolls, it means being unable to deal with things in age appropriate ways.

Sharing is a false concept that's forced on children too young to understand, so no, not a bad thing. I don't intervene in my children's friendship conflicts, I let them work it out themselves otherwise they never will. 2/3 to shouldn't be reliant on other 2/3 yo for speech development and delayed speech at that age is down to the parents if theres not an underlying SALT issue. Again, basic sled care tasks are a parental issue. We shouldn't be needing schools to sort that out. If lockdown has highlighted crappy parenting I don't think that's a bad thing.

As for being unable to deal with things in age appropriate ways, I think as a society we have unrealistic expectations of what age appropriate is for most children.

Of course, it’s all the parents’ fault. Silly old me.

Agree - but mostly because so many seem to think that 14 year olds should barely have to tie their own shoe laces, never mind be able to fulfil any task that takes genuine independence or even a small level of street smarts.

Encouraging our children to be immature - including in terms of lack of independence, inability to navigate social interactions etc is not a good thing. Confidence and competence does not mean, as another PP has pointed out, smoking behind the bike shed.