to think kids are more immature since lockdown

[mummyofthreeplus]

Seeing my DS (13 and in year 9) and the way him and his friends act it seems more like the way my older dc would have acted I’m year 7 or even 6. I have a friend who is a teacher and she says far more behavioural issues and friendship problems that pre covid and even in sixth form far more issues with not doing work and poor attendance. Has anyone else noticed this that it seems like kids are now a lot “younger” for their age since covid?

this is definitely true for DD. She was an extraordinarily independent toddler and while she could be a bit sensitive and insecure at times, started school no problem. But Covid hit when she was in reception and now she is much more emotionally dependent on us than I would expect for her age or, more importantly, than I think she would have been at this age if it wasn't for covid.

I am loving all the "they're more like children of the past, and not growing up too fast".I think it's hilarious - 70 years ago my dad was walking to school at a young age, left school at 15 etc. I try with my kids but there's no doubt that I was expected tot take much more responsibility for cooking/cleaning/tidying at a much younger age than my DC do. When was this mythical period where children were innocently and happily playing with dolls and never saw or experienced anything bad or only had to play and be young?

That’s what I thought! My mum used to get the bus on her own into her local city centre when she was 7 for her dance classes! Her and her sister were left alone while my grandmother (single parents) worked nights when they were 6 and 8, with instructions to bang on the wall for the neighbour if they needed anything!
Ahh the good old days where kids could be kids, eh?

And you so often see threads on MN where people are moaning that ‘kids today’ can’t cook a meal or do basic chores, or find their way across a city, or take responsibility for the own homework etc. But now apparently being ‘less mature’ is a good thing?

It's magical thinking of a sort. This utopia people remember. A bit like watching period dramas - it's all about the nobility and the one "sassy/cheeky" hero/heroine from the working classes who get out. It's never about the endless death/damage of children due to poor maternity care, poor nutrition, poor hygiene etc.

"Ooh, we had such a wonderful childhood, children grow up so fast" but no sense of irony that the wonderful childhood was based on independence and freedom and not sitting around being waited on hand and foot.

I left a long term post because SLT thought it was acceptable for a Y11 pupil to throw a chair at me and threaten to rape me ‘because really they’ve not been in school for two years’.
Agency said ‘ all schools are like this at the moment’.

I work in a secondary school and we have noticed that social maturity, particularly in this years Y8 and Y9, took a massive hit post-lockdown. So many kids who cannot resolve even the most minor friendship issues without adult intervention, kids who cannot tolerate others differences or not getting their own way. We also noticed that many kids came back having forgotten how to say "please" and "thank you". We were all worried about kids being behind academically but honestly the biggest piece of 'catch up' work has been re-learning manners, social skills and empathy.

Lockdown damaged kids. Disgusting policy.

Well, not exactly a surprising result now is it?

I'm a secondary teacher, and yes, mentally and psychologically, most kids are 2 years younger than their age.
It's not as clearcut as the lockdown opponents would like it to be though

Our most troubled kids are:

The numerous girls with eating disorders, every single one an average to good student before lockdown. During lockdown they became excellent students. People helping them with work, copying stuff from other sources, downright blatant cheating, no exams. Now they're back and they're back to being average-good but that's no longer good enough for them and their parents. They are questioning why they were getting top marks in lockdown and not now. And they then turn on their own bodies.

The first year senior school kids who present as 8 year olds. Academically as well as psychologically. Every single fucking Mumsnetter who banged on for weeks about "my child isn't going to log on, we're jumping in puddles and watching Joe Wickes then we're going to bake" needs a long hard look at themselves. And we pick up the pieces and get the grief at the same time.

Our 18 year olds are doing exams and planning on university and getting upset when they're not getting the offers OR the expected grades.

Also agree with pps about a sheer inability to know how to behave in a group setting. It's hard to put your finger on, but petty fighting, tears at every little thing. Odd examples like literally not being able to wait till break for a snack. Our HT has had to issue a letter to parents to say no more coming and collecting them before the end of lessons, I had a class last week late on in the day and 10 kids had been collected early. Why? Tired. They are 17.

It's all quite bizarre.

They're bound to be. If they are 10, then one fifth of their entire life so far has been curtailed by lockdown. They have missed key interactions that help them develop social skills and communication.

I knew it would be all the parents’ fault 😂.
DH and I worked full time throughout lockdown with a 5, 4 and 1 year old at home. They mainly sat in front of the TV. Wasn’t much else we could do.

I am not sure doing those things mean that you are mature!

Getting themselves out and about in a (somewhat) self-organised group and using public transport is part of maturation of teens imo and ime.

DH and I worked full time throughout lockdown with a 5, 4 and 1 year old at home. They mainly sat in front of the TV. Wasn’t much else we could do.

Well quite. Similar situation here. The quality of our school provision was shocking. So yeah, people can fuck right off with the blame game here.

It’s developmental stages though. You don’t go from mum taking you everywhere to getting train to a big city in one go. They’ve missed the in between.

@PAFMO I don't think anyone was blaming teachers. But you're very quick to blame the parents.

Lockdown was shit. People were stressed and scared. Trying to work and manage children. Trying to suddenly become teachers (for years, teachers have complained that parents don't appreciate their skills and effort but then are all surprised when parents can't magically become brilliant teachers overnight?!).

School provision and online teaching was erratic and inconsistent - I listened to a woman complain because her state-educated year 4 child was "only" getting an hour teaching a day. At that point, my DC had each had ONE half an hour group session with a teacher....).

Even children with relatively stable home environments, opportunity to learn etc, missed out on a LOT of socialising and things that build confidence, resilience and maturity in regular times (eg special assemblies, school performances, school reward schemes, sleepovers, playdates, trips out etc etc).

Many children weren't active and got more overweight.

Our children are going to feel it for a while. They are less likely to be independent. They are definitely less mature and struggle with friendships and other issues.

None of this should be dumped on the parents, most of whom did the best they bloody could.

Same here - our schools were dreadful and never did any online teaching or anything interactive at all - all we got were pdf worksheets and some links to youtube videos.

We resorted to documentaries with Bear Grylls and Newsround whilst we were working.

Rainbows leader is giving up (Guides age 5) She’s run group for years and post covid intake are hard work no idea how to take turns, circle time, too adult dependant etc. Group will close as there’s no one else volunteering.

Would it be fair to assume your kids were able to access school as you were still going out to work? Even if you wrote working from home, seems reasonable to assume that your actual skills in teaching exist and could be utilised somewhat in your own kids.

Unlike people trying to work at home with kids who couldn't access school and don't know how to teach kids, people who didn't work but had other caring responsibilities (I mean home schooling with new born twins was AMAZING!) and again don't know how to teach, people who had to keep their kids locked up longer due to CEV, people who's mental health or who's children's mental health wasn't overly conducive to home schooling.

No you shouldn't get grief for my kid being behind, and collecting a 17 yo early cos they need a nap is ridiculous but most parents tried their hardest to do the best by their kids

Most people, parents and teachers, do their best most of the time. Very few people actively want to fuck up anything or anyone. I don't think it's about blame but about realising that all of our kids have been through the mill a bit and trying to help them, while recognising that we ourselves have all been through the mill too and maybe aren't as resourceful and creative in terms of problem solving as we were prior to January 2020.

Dixiechickonhols · Today 12:30
They’ve lost 2 years of their lives. If you are only young it’s a huge chunk of your life. Socialising online and zoom instead of in person activities is not the same.

We learn through experiences“.

indeed, though alternatively, they’ve had the time and space to develop at their own pace, without external pressures.

(for children in stable homes, obviously. For those in less secure situations, it will have been God-awful and will have long- lasting consequences)

Children, you say? Immature? Well yes, they generally are...

@PAFMO tired. Probably depressed. Told to keep everyone safe. Not to please themselves. Disgusting policy.

I do think university students were particularly neglected during Covid. Online sessions for a year were less than ideal. I gather there were frequent technical issues, or lectures were just not posted. I imagine looking at a screen with just a few faces visible is a much less stimulating experience than being in a room full of people. Only seeing faces can be very difficult for people who rely on body language and other cues. Plus, as you say, there was no in person work experience. Students struggled with isolating, I believe it was on the news that some accommodation was being guarded by security, and students were stuck in their rooms with no food. Students were told to return to campuses for teaching, pay in advance for accommodation, then found it was entirely online and they would have been better off at home. For all of this they were charged full fees. I do wish more had been done for them.