NDN Baby

[Besswess88]

They moved in just under a year or so ago on the attached side. Landlord is a bit of an arsehole hence I get a new set regularly.

They have a child who is about 2 years old, and they have a 3 bedroom house, master bedrooms back on to each other.

Most mornings I have been woken up at 5:30 am (weekdays and weekends) by the child absolutely screaming it’s head off (I have been awake for half an hour this morning and she is still going, they the parents start yelling at each other). I get up my at 7am for work. I like to sleep a full night.

I am literally at the point where I cannot fucking cope with this anymore, I have taken annual leave and been woken every single morning and not able to sleep in. I have gone away for the weekend to get away from this.

Do I put an understanding note through the door but maybe asking if the could take her into a different room when unable to sooth her? There is a language barrier so am unsure what to do but I am at my wits end, I have been there and done this with my own kids, I don’t want to do it with a child I have no emotional investment in.

I also want a full nights sleep.

I know it's rough but you say yourself they're trying if up and arguing over what to do. Can you sleep in a different room? I don't think I'd take my child to a different room at 5.30 because I'd be working on consistency to get them to stay in their room until 6am at least. The screaming won't last, they'll figure it out.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/sleep/4531647-18m-waking-at-5-20-no-matter-what

If it's any consolation the parents could be going through this

Wear earplugs or sleep downstairs

There's nothing you can do, children make noise

I don't think there's anything you can do really apart from things on your end. For example using ear plugs while you sleep (they do work, I used them while pregnant as I became a really light sleeper and couldn't deal with my partners snoring!). I'd also recommend using white noise on Spotify or something similar... we play white noise airplane sleep sounds through an Alexa in our baby's room and we have done since she was in with us. It completely drowns out any outside noises. Yes it took me a couple of nights to get used to it, but now I just find it really relaxing and it works for our little one too.

I'm sorry, I know it shit. I had to do a noise complaint about a previous neighbour of mine, as they were shouting and screaming until all hours of the night. I know they sent them a letter explaining a noise complaint had been raised. I'm not too sure what the council may do if it's because of a crying baby though? Sorry you're in this position, I also HATE not getting a decent night sleep. I wake up at 5:30 every day but go to bed early to make up for it. Hope you manage to get some decent rest this weekend

It’s been nearly a year, of being woken an hour and a half before I normally need to wake. They are also tbh generally very noisy and inconsiderate (drilling at 8am on a Sunday morning into the adjoining wall).

i cannot sleep in a different room as a) this is my bedroom and b) I have fitted furniture and a king size bed with an orthopaedic mattress which won’t fit in another room.

YABU and very lucky if your only neighbour concern is that their baby cries.

You are aware they're not doing it on purpose aren't you? It doesn't get to 5 and they think 'let's poke the baby until they cry, Bess will be furious.'

The fact the parents are arguing over things at that time probably means they're just as fed up of the early starts as you are.

By all means if you think you can do a better job at settling a baby at 5am offer to give them a hand.

I appreciate you are sleep deprived.

"I get a new set regularly" implies you don't see your neighbours as equals to you.

Practically speaking, there isn't anything you, the landlord, or your neighbours can do about a child waking up and crying.

That's not to say you're being unreasonable. The parents, for example, don't need to shout.

Have you tried - e.g. earplugs, white noise machine?

No, the onus shouldn't be on you but if you're using e.g. earplugs and white noise and still getting woken up then that strengthens your argument.

Ultimately in these situations I think you have to have a clear and realistic idea of what you want.

So - "stop your child from crying!" - unrealistic request
But - "I understand your child will cry but can the adults please refrain from shouting before (say) 7am" - realistic request

Or ask if they could move the child to a different bedroom?

In my experience with flats/terraced houses, if you just say, "you're noisy", it's always going to be difficult. Because uts always going to be a balance between soundproofing / individual schedules & expectations / the adjustments both parties are prepared to make.

Do you know the landlord? If there is a language barrier could you note that to them and ask for an intervention?

Go to bed earlier yourself if you need to sleep longer?

If you match the kids bedtime - 9? Then you will get a full 8/9 hours sleep

Are you seriously suggesting I go to bed at the same time as my neighbours baby?

I go to bed at 9pm, don't see the issue 🤷‍♀️

I don’t go to bed at 9pm. My evenings are my down time.

She has stopped crying, now she is singing and playing and throwing something against the wall

I like to sleep a full night
Yeah, me too OP. My 18 month old on the other hand…..

Yes, if you need more sleep - it will make you feel better - you're sleep deprived and grumpy as fuck

It's a phase, it will pass

I think you're getting a hard time here OP. My child is an early riser generally but has just woken at 5:15 and I've had to leave him to grumble for half an hour because a) I don't want him to get used to such an early start and b) I didn't want to get up at 5:15!

BUT I would not leave him crying/screaming for half an hour to wake the neighbours up. When we have done gentle sleep training in the past we've checked with the neighbours that it's not waking them or bothering tbem. Leaving baby to scream for extended periods so early is not ok and you're not being unreasonable to ask them to do something about it. If it's been going on for a year they clearly need a new strategy!

That being said, I'm not sure you're going to have much luck getting them to change their approach but you can always ask. They may not be aware they are bothering you, so maybe speak to them in person next time you see them? You could recommend a good sleep trainer if you know one (ask around if you don't) and see how receptive they are?

Good luck.

Personally I don’t think there would be anything wrong with mentioning it in a polite, understanding way. I’ve got an early waker, I’d feel terrible if I knew he was disturbing the neighbours. If the child’s in the master bedroom which backs on to yours and they’ve got three bedrooms, perhaps they can move him/her.

YABU and very lucky if your only neighbour concern is that their baby cries.

Totally disagree. I’ve lived next door to people with babies (as I do currently) and have never heard any crying when they’ve been indoors. We probably have better insulation though I definitely still heard a lot of arguments from my previous neighbours.

As it has been ongoing for so long, so obviously not a a temporary sleep training thing, I would be tempted to phone social services.

All these "it's a phase" comments - it's been a year!! And it's not OP's child!!

I have suffered years if sleep deprivation due to my wonderful but infuriating children - I wouldn't inflict that on anyone else!!

You say you've been there yourself so you should have some level of understanding. They are obviously struggling with it, they don't need angry neighbour asking them to go into a different room, like you maybe they cant or only have 1 bed, do you expect them to sit in the livingroom from the early hours? If they were making any other kind of noise then fine, but this is a toddler and there's no off button.

I think you should go round with something for the baby and explain gently that the walls in these houses are thin and you can hear everything, even very early in the morning. is the baby alright, early wakings are awful aren't they? Be sympathetic. Ask Is there any way we can get over this problem before it becomes difficult for you all. Yes it might feel a bit patronising but they may genuinely not be aware of how loud they are

I am not going to phone Social Services as I am actually part of Children's Services and I have no concerns about the child.

DD was up for the day at 4.17am most mornings. Count yourself lucky you didn't live next door to us. Two years of no sleep.

Short of duct taping mine to her bed, I tried everything.

It's odd frankly that a two year old is doing long screaming spells. I'd expect a baby but two is beyond the realms of reasonable. Unless the child has extra problems that we're unaware of then YANBU to complain about it imo.
Whatever they're doing isn't working.
In the meantime get some earplugs from Boots. The wax ones are great.
Our neighbours have a baby and it must've been teething recently and it was quite disruptive but it's younger and to be expected.
Is the two year old screaming because it's being ignored. Sounds shit.

They might not realise how loud the noise is for you so making them aware might help but I don’t miss those days, thank goodness for teen lie ins!

@Besswess88

they need to sort themselves out! Talk to them/write a note/contact the LL. They might not be able to stop her waking up, but they could take her downstairs to play/watch TV. & they certainly can stop arguing with each other..

they are being very inconsiderate.

I sleep badly, currently waking at 3:30which is bad enough, but neighbours waking me would invoke a dilute fury!! Not babies:toddlers crying, but the parents not dealing with it AND shouting.

I'd try neighbours nicely first
if no improvement - escalate to agency/LL
If still no improvement -council.

focus on the parents not settling the cliff & then arguing.

best of luck