NDN Baby

[Besswess88]

They moved in just under a year or so ago on the attached side. Landlord is a bit of an arsehole hence I get a new set regularly.

They have a child who is about 2 years old, and they have a 3 bedroom house, master bedrooms back on to each other.

Most mornings I have been woken up at 5:30 am (weekdays and weekends) by the child absolutely screaming it’s head off (I have been awake for half an hour this morning and she is still going, they the parents start yelling at each other). I get up my at 7am for work. I like to sleep a full night.

I am literally at the point where I cannot fucking cope with this anymore, I have taken annual leave and been woken every single morning and not able to sleep in. I have gone away for the weekend to get away from this.

Do I put an understanding note through the door but maybe asking if the could take her into a different room when unable to sooth her? There is a language barrier so am unsure what to do but I am at my wits end, I have been there and done this with my own kids, I don’t want to do it with a child I have no emotional investment in.

I also want a full nights sleep.

I sympathise OP. People saying children make noise and you need to understand - yes, of course - and you do, you've had your own!

It doesn't mean that something like this is easy to live with day in, day out.

I would do what the above poster said and go round in a very gentle way, be friendly, take something for them/ baby, and sympathise with what they are going through. Then you can mention that the walls are very thin and that you can hear everything.

You just have to do it in a very understanding way and see if there is a compromise.

If it were my baby waking the neighbours I would do my best to try and minimise that by using a different room if possible, I would also expect understanding from the neighbours that babies do just make noise.

Btw, drilling at 8am on a Sunday is obviously not reasonable. But I'd pick your battles! If that was a one off then I'd leave it.

MrsTerryPratchett
DD was up for the day at 4.17am most mornings. Count yourself lucky you didn't live next door to us. Two years of no sleep.

That must have been tough but presumably you didn’t let her scream for an hour.

When mine were little and woke early (as babies and toddlers do) I wouldn't have dreamt of leaving to cry for an hour or more. I would have got up, put them in with me to see if I could get them back to sleep and if not taken them downstairs and played with them, started the day etc. it's tough when they are small but it only really needs to be tough on the parents, not the neighbours. Leaving a child to scream that long isn't fair on anyone.
YANBU op but sadly some people are totally clueless of how to be considerate to others.

there’s a difference between a crying baby and a screaming toddler. 2 is not a baby, added to which parents screaming at each other at 5 in the morning is most definitely ok.

I would absolutely go round there and speak to them and say to them that hearing them in the morning is waking you up very early and could they please do something about it. If you don’t mention specifically that it’s the 2 year old or their arguing then they will need to pay attention to all the noise they produce.

There is absolutely no reason why the toddler can’t be taken to a different room for instance, where they’re not backing on to the neighbours.

My neighbours have been attempting to play various musical instruments, badly, for the past 5 years. Last week I was subjected to them playing their piano, a violin, and a trombone all together but each playing a different tune, either that or they were all so bad that it sounded like different tunes, at 10:00 at night. And yet when I played my keyboard at 2 in the afternoon recently they knocked on the wall. Twats.

Most definitely *not ok.

Personally I would move bedrooms for a while just so I could get some sleep.

I would also try and talk to them and if that fails then landlord.

Ear plugs or nose cancelling head phones.

Yeah, you're unreasonable.

The drilling at 8am on Sunday is a separate issue, if that is regular.

Don't contact the LL FFS. The tenants are people in their own right. You can contact a LL if the tenants are doing something out of the ordinary, such as setting up an illegal business.

I was a LL and if someone had contacted me with the complaint of 'your tenants' baby cries a lot' I would have told you to deal with it sensibly.

I don't think you have anything to lose by asking if the baby could sleep in a different room and ask them to not shout at each other.

I would buy another bed/mattress for one of your other bedrooms and sleep in there to be honest. You could have many years of their DC being an early riser.

If you are quiet they are probably utterly oblivious that you can hear everything so loudly.

We used to live in a semi. We heard nothing from next door when in our bedroom but we had fitted wardrobes along the shared wall. In our son’s room, wardrobes were only partially along the wall and sound could be heard. So we reconfigured the room and put up a book shelf in the gap between wardrobes, filling it with books and toys. Really cut down the sound.

can you reconfigure what you have to add a barrier along the shared wall?

Yanbu. It sounds hard. We don't know that they are bothering to see to the child and not just leaving it to cry for ages and disturbing everyone else. This is one of those posts where the voting doesn't match the answers because people can't be bothered to be aggressively told that the parents are definitely doing their best to stop the screaming. So I won't be reading further replies, but they might just be leaving the baby to cry though

Poor you OP. It sounds very hard and I know I couldn't cope with that. Could you have a word with them? Maybe they are not aware of how much it is disturbing you and might be able to move child to different room...

I completely disagree with alot of people. I chose to have my children. They are my responsibility and should not negatively impact anyone else.

Yes there is a degree of noise expected from neighbours but I think they are taking the mick. When I lived in a similar situation with a new born we took her downstairs or to a different room a few times. I was well aware the neighbour was asleep just through the wall.

Is it also acceptable for children to play outside at 6am on a trampoline because their parents are struggling?

I would pop a friendly note through the door, explain the walls are quite thin and is there any chance they could try to keep the noise down before 7/8am. Even better maybe try to talk to then face to face if possible.

The way I read this is that the master bedrooms adjoin.

So they’re presumably bringing the child (not baby, child - she’s 2) into their room and then compounding the problem by yelling along with her.

There are things the OP could do the mitigate some of this such as earplugs etc, but the parents should be mindful of neighbours. Keeping the child in her own room, or taking her into a different room, not yelling themselves.

OP, short of a knock on the door to ask them to do just that I’m not sure what else you can do except wait for them to tire of their crappy landlord and move on (or wait for the child to get big enough to go downstairs on her own and put the telly on).

I know people have already mentioned ear plugs, but you've not said if you've tried them? I sometimes use the foam ones (you can buy in bulk from amazon) and they work well. Other than that, speak to them, if they don't know you can hear, they won't attempt to change anything. (Moving to a different room when she wakes).

Unless you live in a detached house it's part and parcel of life. My next door neighbours had a screaming kid for well over a year. They weren't doing it for fun.

There are some people on here who have got used to a staggering level of entitlement about what they expect other people to tolerate with regard to their children. You are most certainly not being unreasonable, your neighbours’ problems are not your concern and they shouldn’t be making them yours. I think a note is the way to go and if that doesn’t work go round and have a word.

Before forking out money on a new bed, earplugs etc or ringing the landlord be an adult, and go round and talk to them. You never know, they may be totally unaware of the noise they are making.

I don't think you're unreasonable at all and I have a shit-sleeper of a 2yo. I see it as MY problem and if my NDN told me they were being woken up I would get my arse out of bed and up with my child. I also do this so he doesn't disturb others throughout the night. Their kid, their problem. Tell them.

I totally sympathise, OP. My neighbours are a nightmare and there is no soundproofing at all.

I went into work one day shattered as their baby had me awake from 4am and one of my colleagues was like 'that's not too bad compared to my kid.' It's not my baby FFS!

The only thing that works for me is those silicone earplugs that you can mould right into your ear. And also the thought that I am going to move as soon as I find somewhere suitable. Hopefully detached 🙃

I think it’s odd for a 2 year old to do this. I only have personal experience of my 5 DC at this age but none of them have screamed in bed past infancy unless very, very sick or having a serious nightmare. To do this every single morning must be exhausting for the parents and clearly for you.

They may not know how much you can hear so it wouldn’t be impolite to mention it kindly to them. Not sure what they could do, definitely less shouting at one another and probably grab the child quicker so they stop screaming quicker!

Odd how the child screams a lot: I wonder why? I mean kids do wake up so bloody early, especially in the summer
Months, but mine doesnt scream though.

I've resorted to an iPad and Peppa at 5am many times for the sake of my neighbours. They could surely do the same.

I sympathise with you OP and I have a baby/toddler. If he wakes up crying one of us goes to him straight away. We barely even speak to each other let alone shout. We are very quiet.

We sooth baby and either get him up for the day or get him back to sleep.
Sometimes he gets up and wants to play with his noisy toys against the wall - this is not acceptable in the morning - we live in a terrace. We go into the living room where no one can hear us.