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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH sometimes does the washing...

67 replies

OffPointe · 19/05/2022 13:59

...and/or hangs it up. I know, the nerve of the man..!

Short version:
DH randomly does the washing. Often it's 'wrong' and it irritates me. How do I stop 'laundry power-struggles' being a main feature or our marriage? Do I need to let it go? Or do I just need to whack him with the peg bag and tell him to get back into office where he belongs!?

Long version:
Today's crime is getting up before me and putting on a long and leisurely eco wash leaving out the swimming towels from yesterday which could do with being clean and dry for tomorrow (we don't have a tumble dryer), and for boring reasons a second load wouldn't get hung up until tonight. Previously, my trousers in that fabric that shouldn't shrink at 40 but does a bit anyway get washed at 40. Or the only half a dozen pegs we own which mark clothes (but are good for heavy towels) find their way on to my t-shirts. And other such petty issues.

I'm a sahm, he works full time mostly from home. We like each other, love even! and we have always done domestic tasks as required without argument or negotiation. Just whoever is best in a position to get it done gets it done 🤷‍♀️ which is usually me but not always. I don't mind washing, it is a non-event in my day and it isn't the drama often described on mn. We have spoken about peg or shrinking issues before, but there is always something else, y'know, and the other stuff gets forgotten. We can be boring old sods sometimes, but planning a daily washing discussion is a step too far I think.

There are plenty of jobs I hate he could do, a long new house 'to do' list, and he works full time with a stay at home wife happy to ensure everyone always has clean pants... So why is he so eager to do the bloody washing wrong?! I don't want to hurt his feelings or shoot myself in the foot by trying to insist he doesn't do it at all. But any advice on how to remove 'laundry power-struggles' from the list of defining features of our marriage would be much appreciated! 😄

OP posts:
Notmytiep · 19/05/2022 14:05

We couldn't switch husbands by any chance could we?

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 19/05/2022 14:06

DH and I have own own 'departments' of chores so we know what needs doing and don't annoy each other.

I do laundry, he does shopping
I do schools, he does vets (dog with complex medical)
I do cleaning, he does cooking
I do children's gifts, he does adults (both do our DC)
Etc etc

Triffid1 · 19/05/2022 14:08

I see 2 options here.

Option 1: Tell him that while you appreciate he wants to get stuck in, doing so without thought isn't helpful so really, could he rather get stuck in with unloading the dishwasher or preparing a meal.

Option 2: Tell him not to ever include any of your clothes when he does the washing.

Obviously, there probably are a few other options like, for example, banning the eco cycle or getting new pegs.

Original poster
OffPointe · 19/05/2022 14:13

New pegs, now steady on with those workable solutions there Triffid 😄

Notmytiep, I'll think on it, but I really am quite attached to him. And you might change your mind next time you look out the window to see your most unglamorous period pants flapping around on the outside of the line feet from the window cleaner's head...

I might need to edge further down that road Georgie, but I don't want to shoot myself in the foot so would need to tlchoose carefully 😆

OP posts:
nearlyspringyay · 19/05/2022 14:17

DH is shit at washing. He's perfectly happy to do it but won't do it properly and it takes me longer to sort out his mess to put stuff away so he's banned.

He doesn't understand turning things the right way round before you shake and hang, I pair socks on the line and try to hang each persons stuff together to make it easier to put away. He has an aversion to clothes pegs so things are randomly draped and fall off.

He does other stuff though.

Original poster
OffPointe · 19/05/2022 15:18

'Aversion to clothes pegs' 😄 My Dh is the opposite and uses them liberally, I took four off of a pair of pyjama bottoms the other day... And I've joked before about my post-children bloomers being "three peg pairs" but it doesn't make me feel great that he thinks that is literally true...!

OP posts:
WeddingBella · 19/05/2022 15:34

If you're looking for solutions that aren't sensible but that can definitely work, may I suggest what I did - wait until you're hormonal and annoyed about something completely different, find the washing hung up incorrectly, cause a row and end it by shouting "Just stop fucking with the washing" and strop off 😂

The cost of this approach is that if you ask your DH to go anywhere near the washing machine he will say "but I'm not allowed to fuck with the washing" while laughing at you (this joke has been going on for over a decade here).

The benefit is that he should understand he's a PITA and he should leave the washing alone and take over another job completely instead.

DogsAndGin · 19/05/2022 15:37

Get a life!

Original poster
OffPointe · 19/05/2022 15:40

Short, to the point, and excellent relevant advice, thanks DogsAndGin!

OP posts:
Tamzo85 · 19/05/2022 15:40

Just do it yourself and make him do the things you hate and just make that “his” thing (lawnmowing or whatever). It’s better that way, no dumb arguments. He’ll laugh it off probably.

There is something really annoying about people hanging and organising clothes wrong.

Whosthebestbabainalltheworld · 19/05/2022 15:47

I think you should reciprocate by doing something he likes doing, but doing it in a crap manner? Mow the lawn but leave some bits unmown - naturally these would have to be right in the eye line and somewhat random. No point have them around the edge where a sneaky strim could get rid of them quickly.

Grandville · 19/05/2022 15:54

I get this. I am particular about laundry and it can really fuck the clothes if you do it wrong. Much rather be entirely in charge of it and delegate another task that I hate like washing up.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 19/05/2022 16:01

Well the peg suggestion is the perfect answer. A list of yours and his jobs is just a pain, much better to crack on and do what needs doing. Of course the reality is he won't do some jobs to your standard and you won't do some to his. So what you do is let the words you bloody buffoon who does laundry like that, swirl around your head but never pop out your mouth then just merrily leave him to it and get on with your day

chubbachub · 19/05/2022 21:34

My husband folds everything wrong.

KangarooKenny · 19/05/2022 21:39

I told my DH that if he wants to put a wash on its for his clothes only. He’s ruined so many clothes of mine and DS, but he says I’m nagging 🙄

RandomMess · 19/05/2022 21:43

We have 4 baskets for dirty laundry

Darks
lights
Red/purple/pink
Specials

Specials = DH do not fucking touch any clothes in there.

thistimelastweek · 19/05/2022 21:44

There are two things in our house that he dare not touch.

The washing machine. And the room thermostat.

Everything else is equal opportunity.

thebluehen · 19/05/2022 21:46

There are a great many laundry crimes.

These are my "favourites"

Leaving it in the washing machine to fester and crease.

Washing on the wrong programme so it spins too much it too little or uses the wrong temperature.

Hanging badly so that things don't actually dry. Such as "over folding" on the line.

Taking off the line and then just throwing it all into the washing basket and leaving for hours or days to crease, so everything needs ironing.

DownToTheSeaAgain · 19/05/2022 21:47

Pay a laundry person to come in and do it all. Simple and effective

dolphinsarentcommon · 19/05/2022 21:52

Mine is banned. Total ban.

I'm thinking about banning getting the washing in too.

Cherrysherbet · 19/05/2022 22:00

I feel your pain.

Hide the washing powder.

RibNSaucyArseCrack · 19/05/2022 22:03

Oooh my husband does all our laundry. Im the one who fucks it up!

InstaHun88 · 19/05/2022 22:10

I put any delicates/clothes that only I know how to wash in a different basket. DP knows I will deal with those myself. The general laundry is done at will by whoever gets to it. It has sorted all issues relating to him putting silk blouses in the washing machine.

Vikinga · 19/05/2022 22:10

Haha definitely would do my head in. My kids can do the washing better than your husband! Get him to do something else - shopping, washing up, clearing, hoovering etc.

This weekend at my boyfriend's I saw him hanging the washing out and I was surprised as it was early. He had had it in a whole day!! I would have had to wash the load again as it will smell. His towels are also almost solid. Don't know how he does his washing but I'm glad we live separately! When he washed up, he somehow manages to shower half the kitchen. When we're together I encourage him to do things like shopping and gardening and clearing up as I'm cooking and I do the rest!

Delatron · 19/05/2022 22:14

On the rare occasions mine does it he always fucks it up.

Like the time we were leaving for holiday the next day - I had a strict schedule of clothes that needed to be washed and dried. He took it upon himself to empty every laundry basket and wash school uniform the kids don’t wear even wear anymore. And he shrunk my J crew jumper. He’s banned now.

I think they do it on purpose.

Last week he threw all the clean clothes in with dirty clothes in a massive pile. Get away!