Or is DH?

[AnnieSaxophone]

Dh is away tomorrow night (Thursday) for work, and I’m away on Friday night for work. I’ve been busy and am struggling to remember everything. Generally I cook Monday to Friday and he cooks on Saturdays.

I organised an online grocery shop to include stuff he requested for 2 meals (Friday - sausages and Saturday - burgers).

I have literally just realised this evening (9:45pm) that I omitted to think of stuff for a meal tomorrow night (Thurs). I finish work at 5pm and need to get cooking asap before the youngest loses his shit I said I’ll go and riffle and hopefully we have something in the freezer / fridge I can thaw / rustle up but if the worst comes to the worst (which hopefully I won’t have to) I’ll have to pinch the burgers or sausages, and he’ll have to go to the shop on Saturday for something else.

The. shit. hit. the. fan.

Apparently I’m utterly unreasonable to expect him to have to go to the shop on Saturday (when he has a whole day free to do so) when it was my error and I should go tomorrow during work and take an hour out. And he would never expect me to have to go to the shop in that situation. And that I could be so casual about it. It was a proper argument. I’m stunned.

I said again that I would do what I could to avoid it, but I did need to feed myself and the 3 kids, so it doesn’t want what food I cook but I will need some food and I’m flat out tomorrow and don’t have time to go to the shop.

Have I been out of order or is he?

Tbh, if he was that incensed, I'd have told him not to worry, you'll pick up fish n chips for you and your DC on your way home and he can fend for himself.

He's being ridiculous.

How does your work/home responsibility compare? Is he responsible for shopping, planning and cooking the same number of meals as you?

Jesus christ. Is going to the shop some enormous expedition? Can he not rustle up beans on toast or eggs or pasta and pesto or soup and bread? Or Frozen pizza from a corner shop. What an absolute tool.

Is he stressed out about work tomorrow? Has he lost his mind? Is this normal for him? He's completely and utterly in the wrong. Assuming he's not an asshole I'd just do another online order for Saturday. If he's an arsehole normally then f* him. Let him shop Saturday.

Sounds like you have 4 kids, not 3 😂😬

This overreaction just sounds bizarre. Is something else going on in your lives right now? Is he really stressed?

Ignore him. Don’t buy anything in for him. He’s not above going to the shop. Fuck off.

@OldTinHat he’s away overnight tomorrow night anyway - I could get a takeaway delivered (no time to go out to get one) but that seems a bit ‘extra’.

@picklemewalnuts I’m the one that gets all the shopping in and cooks all but one meal a week. He’s doing 2 this week because I’m working away on Friday night and won’t be back until after dinner on Saturday. We have 3 kids but only one needs any kind of adult supervision. The others are much older. So I didn’t think having to go to the shop on Saturday would be an issue if I really have fucked up and need to pinch what he was planning to cook on Saturday.

I think I may have just done that ‘ordered stuff but nothing to make an actual meal with' type thing - I need to get my sorry ass off the sofa and go and peer into the fridge and freezer to know for sure.

I tried to make it clear that I wouldn’t touch what he wanted to cook if I could avoid it but if there was nothing in the, I’d have to pinch one of the meals he was planning.

Wow OP. I'd feel so let down by this. It's like he doesn't think of you as a partnership but just housemates or something.

Do you always do the shopping

But he is - nothing to stop him getting them or being nice about it.

DH and I have a similar cooking arrangement.

And if he used "my" food I'd expect him to replace it or buy something else I could cook instead. Yes, I could go to the shop myself to sort it, but on the basis he'd caused the problem, I would expect him not to pass the responsibility of "fixing" it over to me. So I'm with your DH. And I do think you would have got different answers if roles had been reversed.

He totally overreacted. Treat yourselves to a takeaway tomorrow.

He's clearly unreasonable and I bet if the shoe were on the other foot, he wouldn't think twice about it.

If I were you, I'd delegate him to doing the online shop/meal planning for a while since you are clearly not doing it to his standard!

@redskyatnight That’s interesting. It’s the time constraints I’m under between now and 5pm tomorrow that are making it hard for me to fix.

so You ordered the food but he’s kicking off because it’s “his”?! Cheeky fucking bastard.
id have the sausages for breaky and the burgers for tea, tell him he is LUCKY he never had to drag his arse to Tesco to plan and organise meals, barely has to cook, and if he thinks you’re doing it again for him he can fuck off.
I am furious on your behalf!!

I honestly can’t fathom his behaviour whatsoever, he sounds like a twat, completely unnecessary overreaction.

I'd get his burgers for hom the poor lamb... and maybe leave them in the sun for the afternoon before remembering to put them in the fridge!

I'm also furious on your behalf but I'm laughing too. I'm really not sure about building fences around "his and hers food".

Honestly, my DP can be unreasonable and shriek like a wounded seagull if I eat his breakfast bacon on a sandwich at 11pm but there's no huge row about it. He goes to the shop in the morning and buys more.

Do some husbands/partners/wives/sig others go out of their way to be difficult? Food in your house is fair game to be eaten by whoever needs it.

So having to do a bit more for once than the little he usually does has caused him to have a tantrum?

Is this completely out of the ordinary?
Its appalling behaviour.
So selfish.

But tells you clearly how little he thinks of all you do.

You need to reverse things.
He shops and cooks monday to friday and you get one single meal to prepare.

You must be so disgusted.

Stop doing so much now you know how little he thinks of what you do.

A big step back is due.

It's an odd one... I can't imagine any fully grown functioning adult being so upset about the horror of potentially having to nip to the shop because his OWN CHILDREN need to eat. I can't say I've ever cared so much about to be annoyed if someone else has it, especially my own kids. Maybe remind him that you grew, birthed and nursed his children, put your body through frankly unimaginable feats and reassure him that if you can do that, he can forgo a pack of burgers and go to the shop.

*ever cared so much about food

Do you both work full time ?

I can't understand what's difficult about going to the shops on a Saturday? Plus you've done the ordering. He's BU.

YANBU. Perfectly logical to take the sausages out for dinner tomorrow since you already have them in the fridge.

Your DH sounds like a total weirdo. It's really not that difficult to pop out to get some sausages. Assume he has a car?

I'm with @redskyatnight here. A full-on argument (if that's what it was) probably wasn't warranted but he does have a point.