Or is DH?

[AnnieSaxophone]

Dh is away tomorrow night (Thursday) for work, and I’m away on Friday night for work. I’ve been busy and am struggling to remember everything. Generally I cook Monday to Friday and he cooks on Saturdays.

I organised an online grocery shop to include stuff he requested for 2 meals (Friday - sausages and Saturday - burgers).

I have literally just realised this evening (9:45pm) that I omitted to think of stuff for a meal tomorrow night (Thurs). I finish work at 5pm and need to get cooking asap before the youngest loses his shit I said I’ll go and riffle and hopefully we have something in the freezer / fridge I can thaw / rustle up but if the worst comes to the worst (which hopefully I won’t have to) I’ll have to pinch the burgers or sausages, and he’ll have to go to the shop on Saturday for something else.

The. shit. hit. the. fan.

Apparently I’m utterly unreasonable to expect him to have to go to the shop on Saturday (when he has a whole day free to do so) when it was my error and I should go tomorrow during work and take an hour out. And he would never expect me to have to go to the shop in that situation. And that I could be so casual about it. It was a proper argument. I’m stunned.

I said again that I would do what I could to avoid it, but I did need to feed myself and the 3 kids, so it doesn’t want what food I cook but I will need some food and I’m flat out tomorrow and don’t have time to go to the shop.

Have I been out of order or is he?

This isn’t about sausages or dye. It’s about your husband’s anger issues and how he uses that to control how you act and what you do.

He sounds really unpleasant.

Shall I tell you what would happen here in your sausage scenario. I’d tell DP that I thought we were one meal short - if it was my week to meal plan because we take it in turns. He’d say “oh ok, I’ll pop to the shops, anything else we need while I’m there?” And that’d be it.

I was married to one of these for longer than I should have been. Oh my goodness, the weight off my shoulders of not having him around any more! I make my own decisions and I’m relaxed in my own home, rather than constantly on eggshells.

Don't waste your life on him. And think of the effect on your DC. This is a toxic environment for them to grow up in.

This.
He is a nasty man waiting for an argument for any reason .

Your husband is not a good person. He is nasty. He is unkind. He is a cunt.

He sounds horrible op.

Maybe call Refuge or an organisation like that to get some perspective. 08082000247. You don't have to decide to do anything now but just tell them how things are and see what they say. Maybe you'll get to a point when you feel like you and your children will be better off in a less stressful environment.

He's using arguments to control you, to make you do things (or not do them). You've already said you're always a short space away from an argument (walking on egg shells). This isn't about food or dye, it's about emotional abuse

Why can’t you go to the shop? Totally reasonable for you to use the food on Thursday if you don’t have anything else but why can’t you rectify your own mistake on Friday or Saturday?

Your DH is being massively unreasonable here. I just don’t get his mentality, marriage is about team work!

This all seems a bit OTT. We live pretty remotely (and my DH never cooks!), but even he’d cope in this sort of situation. Someone goes and buys something, or you make do with what’s in. Does neither of you work near a shop, or pass one on the way home? If you’re dashing back to pick up kids, why can’t he nip into a shop and buy a pizza or something?

Alternatively, book another online slot for Saturday?

You doing the meal planning and all the weekday cooking is v unfair.

This is emotional abuse pur and simple.

You are living under terrible stress.

Just even realising it's on him is progress.

I think speaking to Women's aid would be helpful.

Speaking to friends and family too.

This is not a good environment for children.

What you have described is not in any shape normal.

Once in 15 years you have done this and he has totally blown up, when you do the overwhelming amount of cooking and shopping?

Absolutely abusive.

Your life sounds hellish.

Please seek support.

It felt like unless I do what he says, then I’m in the wrong and I’m being unreasonable

We might have hit the nail on the head, with your comment.

There has been a few threads recently of parrners (usually the husband) in a power struggle with their spouse.

I suspect you being away has caused resentment so his anger is heightened.
If you want to understand the dynamic read Lundy or Patricia Evans, the verbally abusive relationship.

@MolkosTeenageAngst, Op has explained that she will be away.

He’s just a nasty bully.

it isn’t even about the cooking or whatever else. It’s because you’re not doing as you’re told. It’s abuse.

Have you not read the OP's posts? It's easy to with the 'read next' or 'read all' options.

she is away Friday/Friday night for work & won't be back until after dinner on Saturday. He's not at work on Saturday & only one if the children would need to go to the shop with him.

he's just being a twat.

@AnnieSaxophone

you need to take some time to think about your relationship.

you both work full time, why is 'main carer' & 'house manager' falling on your shoulders??

He's being a complete dick about the burgers/sausages, but that's just the tip of the iceberg.

you're living your life walking on egg shells, never knowing when he's going to 'blow up' about random things.

Are you really happier with him than you'd be on your own with the kids? With him having them EOW or whatever.

I bet the kids would be happier not having To walk on eggshells.

have a think!!

(but YANOTBU about the burgers/sausages in the situation.

Wow. His entitlement is extraordinary.

@AnnieSaxophone

I cant understand why you're putting up with this?

Why you're allowing him to treat you like this and justifying his behaviour?

Why are you working full time and being the 'primary carer', doing all the shopping and 99% of the cooking?

Why are you allowing him to bully you so much?

You clearly give in every time he has a temper tantrum which has resulted in him thinking he can get his own way all the time and that he is right to expect it.

He thinks he's your boss.

@MolkosTeenageAngst

Are you joking?

As if 1 person should be entirely responsible for all sourcing of and cooking of meals.

Do people really think like that? In terms of not having a dinner a mistake that only 1 person can fix?

Instead of being normal and thinking oh nothing for dinner, takeaway or beans on toast it is!

I wouldnt even know until I went to make that nights dinner, never mind practically a week in advance and I wouldn't have a temper tantrum at my oh blaming him.

OP he is bullying you and using his angry outbursts to control you and your children. It sounds awful.

YANBU OP. I can’t imagine me and OH having a heavy week with work, both with overnight stays, and him getting grumpy over this kind of thing. It’s a partnership and these things happen. In my house it would be a “no worries, you use x instead and I’ll run to the shop on Saturday”. He would never ask or even want me to run myself about during a busy work week and juggling kids when he has a whole Saturday free over a slight mishap. Or just get a takeaway 😊

What is he planning on doing on Saturday that is SO important he can’t possibly pop to a shop to pick up something for dinner anyway?? What an arse.