To want to get married but not have the big wedding

[RubyEmma212121]

I have been engaged for 7 years and have two dc.

I would quite like to get married now and have seen so many quirky cool registry office weddings.

What I want to know is has any one gone really low key and regretted it? Or anyone gone big and wished they hadn't?

I realise I may upset friends and family but it's my day right.

Also if anyone has got married with 2 under 2 is it manageable or best wait until they are older?

We’d been together 11 years and just wanted the legal paperwork with no fuss. We sent an email to family and friends out of courtesy to let them know we’d booked a registry office with just witnesses to attend. My mum and grandparents went ballistic as they felt very slighted.

Friends nagged us to have some sort of ‘do’ so we relented and had a party in a pub for maybe 50 or so. A number of relatives couldn’t make it for one reason or another.

It was nice, we put on a buffet and first drinks paid for, still all cost under £500 (18 years ago). My mum came and enjoyed herself after her initial meltdown over our first communication.

I think it’s rarely just the bride and groom’s day, it’s about everyone. My mum initially said “you should’ve just eloped and not told anyone”. First I thought she was being ridiculous but actually that would have been exactly the low key thing we intended. I just didn’t think it was a big deal until everyone else made it one!

@mnamna your DMum is giving very mixed messages there, upset at being excluded from the registery office, happy to have a party but also saying she thinking eloping would have been easier.

I think to an extent other people getting involved, B&G getting roped into hosting parties is the very reason why people elope.

We're going to have a registry office wedding, with a maximum of three guests and then a party in the evening, just a buffet, DJ and maybe a cake and a few decorations. If it was left to me we'd skip the party but DFiance wants a bit more fuss.

Have whatever you want. Really. This is about just the two of you and no one else.

We had a civil partnership just three months ago - just us and immediate family, total of nine people including us. Town Hall, photographer for an hour, and then we went to our favourite cafe and had toasties, followed by cake and champagne at home. DP and I had the best time ever and it was special to us. No regrets whatsoever.

I’ve been married before and had the “full works”, but in comparison I loved our CP much better. We were able to relax, chat to each other and those we love. DP has never been married before, but he didn’t want anything big either, he just wanted it to be about us.

I can’t think of anything worse than a huge wedding tbh. My first wedding was extremely small. In the unlikely event that I did it again it would be similarly small.

I find the idea that people think they have a stake in other peoples’ weddings absolutely bizarre. Why do people feel they have a right get to stage manage the signing of a legal document between two private individuals? You wouldn’t insist on having an overview of someone’s house purchase….

I think the over involvement and general stickybeakery of families in their children’s weddings is deeply old fashioned and controlling. In the days when marriage was basically an economic concern for the families it made more sense but totally inappropriate today.

We had 10 guests at ours and just went for a meal at a lovely restaurant afterwards. It was perfect! Cost us less than £500 as my dad paid for the meal.

Oh and we had 9mo DD there for the ceremony and it was lovely (and hilarious) and then my friend kindly watched her for the evening while we went out for dinner.

We just had two friends from work as witnesses and a meal in the nearest pub afterwards, didn't tell family til it was done. Family were a bit sad but understood, I would have hated a 'proper' wedding and we just wanted to be married, neither of us wanted the big day. Still together 18 years later and don't regret it at all, do what makes you happy OP.

We had a biggish wedding - 50 ish guests, we both really wanted a disco and speeches and my DD was 5 at the time and looked adorable as one of the bridesmaids, my son read a poem at the ceremony, he was only 9. My DH has loads of friends who wanted to attend and it was a really fun night. However, as we were trying to save money, our parents combined paid about £6000, it was stressful decorating the beach shack style bar venue ourselves, we had a friend who had a uni student son wanting to earn some cash so him and his mate were the DJs and they were amazing, played all the stuff we wanted and eliminated the cheese! I made the cake a couple of days before and sourced my flowers the day before from the amazing florist at the Railway station, she actually made up an amazing wedding bunch for me and the bridesmaids for free as she couldn't believe I had left the flowers until 6pm the night before my wedding! The day itself i was shattered and with big weddings you have to make sure you speak to everyone so you get caught up in that rather than each other. I basically ran off the adrenaline on the day. I think small weddings probably allow you to focus on tje important stuff each other!