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Original poster

To want to get married but not have the big wedding

84 replies

RubyEmma212121 · 18/05/2022 21:43

I have been engaged for 7 years and have two dc.

I would quite like to get married now and have seen so many quirky cool registry office weddings.

What I want to know is has any one gone really low key and regretted it? Or anyone gone big and wished they hadn't?

I realise I may upset friends and family but it's my day right.

Also if anyone has got married with 2 under 2 is it manageable or best wait until they are older?

OP posts:
etulosba · 19/05/2022 00:12

I’ve done both. First a tiny register office with two witnesses we didn’t know (the MN ideal wedding?) and the second a biggish do with 150+ guests.

The big do was one of the best days of my life. The small do was a mistake in so many ways and I regret it.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/05/2022 00:15

Registry office with two strangers as witnesses. 25+ years on and never a second of regret. Just get married, FGS. You already have two kids, get on with it.

etulosba · 19/05/2022 00:15

I realise I may upset friends and family but it's my day right.

I had this in spades and it made me realise that just because it was my wedding, it didn’t give me the right to run roughshod over the feelings those close to me.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/05/2022 00:16

etulosba · 19/05/2022 00:15

I realise I may upset friends and family but it's my day right.

I had this in spades and it made me realise that just because it was my wedding, it didn’t give me the right to run roughshod over the feelings those close to me.

How is choosing to have a registry wedding running "roughshod" over other people's feelings?

How dramatic.

etulosba · 19/05/2022 00:20

How is choosing to have a registry wedding running "roughshod" over other people's feelings?

Did you read my previous post? I had no friends and family present. They were upset. Some very upset.

GinGym · 19/05/2022 00:33

etulosba · 19/05/2022 00:20

How is choosing to have a registry wedding running "roughshod" over other people's feelings?

Did you read my previous post? I had no friends and family present. They were upset. Some very upset.

Tough. Your day, your choice. I am about to do it too. Only the 2 of us and our kids will be there. Getting married outside in a location that is very special to us. Not telling anyone until after the event. We are going for a meal with the kids afterwards and that will be that. 2nd time around for both of us and we had the big wedding first time around. Neither of us want a fuss or a reception or any of the stress that goes with organising a big party for other people that we don't want. If people can't be happy for us, that is their decision. We are doing what suits us and if people get upset then so be it. I'll get over it 😁

Kitkatcatflap · 19/05/2022 02:54

We ran off to Las Vegas. My friend guessed, so came with. Then my DH invited his friend and girlfriend. We booked the wedding, photographer, flowers, hair/make up and fancy restaurant from here - so there was not so much running around when we got there. We sent everyone photo postcards to let them know we were married

It wasn't traditional but DH was from another country and neither family would travel. We wanted something low key but memorable to us. 16 years and two kids later no regrets

Marvellousmadness · 19/05/2022 05:42

Very chill and low key
No regrets.
I wanted the marriage
Not the pinterest wedding

houseargh · 19/05/2022 05:52

No comment on the small wedding thing but just got married with my 19 month old present - it was lovely having her there during the ceremony, I was VERY glad when the babysitter came to take her up to the bedroom around 7pm so we had the rest of the reception toddler-free and whilst the mini-moon had some nice bits, she was obviously very wound up by all the excitement by then (and maybe teething?) so the ratio of meltdowns/whinging to nice stuff was not great. On balance I'm still glad we did it now rather than wait but I would recommend thinking hard about what they will do at different points, how they will deal with it and what steps you can take to maximise how much of a nice time you have. Eg. we got her first set of toddler headphones to go with the tablet and gain us some time at the ceremony, I also sort of wish we'd just skipped the mini-moon entirely and waited until we can leave her with a family member later in the year, though it could have gone much better if she'd been in a different mood. So swings and roundabouts!

Orangecushionsleep · 19/05/2022 06:40

My Sister told me 10 years after we got married that she was very upset that she wasn’t invited to my wedding (no one was). I told her it was a shame that she couldn’t respect my decision to do things my way - I had no regrets.

The thing was the way I got married was because of her and her bridezilla antics when she got married - totally put me off weddings.. Then she couldn’t stop interfering, telling me what to do with my own very small wedding - everyday was becoming a battle of wills on what she thought I should do, it was exhausting and upsetting - so I said no one is coming! I didn’t miss sharing our day with anyone. I don’t know why people think they have a right to interfere with your wedding day and get all upset when you won’t do it their way but they do…imo your wedding your way.

boymum9 · 19/05/2022 06:47

Do it. I had a big wedding (now divorced unfortunately) but I think I only did it because it was the done thing, if I had really thought about it it wasn't what I wanted. If I get married again I'd love a small intimate wedding.

ShirleyJackson · 19/05/2022 06:47

Five people in total at my wedding. It was the best day of my life.

Norma27 · 19/05/2022 06:52

We had mums, dads, siblings and partners and nephews so 20 guests in total. Then taxis to our favourite restaurant. It was amazing. We did have a big party in the evening though. No traditional wedding stuff, no speeches, no cutting of the cake etc.

toastofthetown · 19/05/2022 06:53

GinGym · 19/05/2022 00:33

Tough. Your day, your choice. I am about to do it too. Only the 2 of us and our kids will be there. Getting married outside in a location that is very special to us. Not telling anyone until after the event. We are going for a meal with the kids afterwards and that will be that. 2nd time around for both of us and we had the big wedding first time around. Neither of us want a fuss or a reception or any of the stress that goes with organising a big party for other people that we don't want. If people can't be happy for us, that is their decision. We are doing what suits us and if people get upset then so be it. I'll get over it 😁

Show quote history

If a close family member or a friend didn’t tell me they were getting married until after the event, I’d assume that we weren’t as close as I’d thought. That would probably change the relationship I had with them going forward, especially if they were a person I would often confide it. It’s your day and your choice, but that doesn’t mean other people don’t get to have feelings about it.

CecilyP · 19/05/2022 07:08

You can do anything you like from a massive royal style wedding to 2 strangers off the street as witnesses and all shades in between.

We had a small registry office wedding attended by our local friends followed by a lovely buffet at our house provided by a local caterer and had a lovely day. So no regrets.

A couple of good friends just had close family. They explained that we weren’t invited because if they started inviting one lot of friends, they’d have to invite more, so we understood. Again no regrets.

Shostaklovhich · 19/05/2022 07:10

We had what I’d call a big wedding - over 60 guests. I really don’t like attention and hated every minute of it. Had a panic attack which no one knows about even to this day. If I get married again it would just be a quick event - parents and children, so 10 /11 people, and then a nice meal, so no need for guests to struggle too long for small talk.

Lesperance · 19/05/2022 07:12

toastofthetown · 19/05/2022 06:53

If a close family member or a friend didn’t tell me they were getting married until after the event, I’d assume that we weren’t as close as I’d thought. That would probably change the relationship I had with them going forward, especially if they were a person I would often confide it. It’s your day and your choice, but that doesn’t mean other people don’t get to have feelings about it.

Show quote history

They have feelings, but if you start making assumptions like that, you are making it all about you. Sometimes it's ok to be selfish and I think having a small wedding is one of those times.

brookstar · 19/05/2022 07:14

I got married in a registry office at 10.30 on a Monday morning. We didn't tell anyone except our witnesses.
We went in holiday the day after and told everyone else when we got back.
I wouldn't change a thing!

user1477391263 · 19/05/2022 07:15

If a close family member or a friend didn’t tell me they were getting married until after the event, I’d assume that we weren’t as close as I’d thought.

How incredibly petty. I would assume, in such cases, that the person did not want to get roped into a bigger and bigger event or deal with the drama of inviting a few people and leaving others out.

balalake · 19/05/2022 07:16

I have known two couples who married in a small ceremony, neither of whom had children at the time. Both couples still married over 20 years later.

brookstar · 19/05/2022 07:17

Did you read my previous post? I had no friends and family present. They were upset. Some very upset.

That's their problem not yours.
It would piss me off if my family and friends couldn't respect my choices and be happy for me.

brookstar · 19/05/2022 07:18

If a close family member or a friend didn’t tell me they were getting married until after the event, I’d assume that we weren’t as close as I’d thought.

It's not about you though is it?

HaggisBurger · 19/05/2022 07:18

I had 160 people at my wedding in a bloody castle 20 + years ago (I blame posh & becks). Would have something really small and chic if I marry again. I think you should have what you want! Go with your instinct!

trevthecat · 19/05/2022 07:21

We eloped. Was the most amazing day. No regrets here, none at all

JorisBonson · 19/05/2022 07:27

We got married just the 2 of us in the middle of nowhere. It was the best day ever and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.