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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He had no right telling children about my mental health

55 replies

Hormonaltornado · 18/05/2022 19:08

I had a baby 7 months ago. I've had a handful of stressful things to contend with since such as a bereavement which has triggered my PTSD. My mother is also in failing health. It's all been a bit shit.

Long story short, DSC were here today and part way through the day I felt a panic attack coming so I excused myself to the bedroom saying I was just going for a lie down for half an hour as I'm a bit tired.

They were being a bit rowdy, as all kids can be, and then I overheard OH telling them to please keep it down a bit because I'm having panic attacks.

I'm really fucked off about it. For starters my MH isn't their problem and shouldn't be made to be, but secondly I do not want my business getting back to their DM who has been quite frankly horrid to me for years and this is something that will most definitely get back to her.

AIBU to think he had no right to say that to them and he was in the wrong?

OP posts:
YeetTheTeets · 18/05/2022 19:10

He should have had a conversation with you about your feelings on sharing your health with anyone. That wasn't on.

D0lphine · 18/05/2022 19:17

He shouldn't have shared your health info with them. It's private to you. Also not fair on them as they may now worry.

Notimeforaname · 18/05/2022 19:18

I think technically he has a right to free speech.

And he wasn't talking shit about you , he was trying to help by calming them down.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time but this really isnt the battle you should be choosing or wasting time and emotions on.

I really hope you're getting all the support you need 💐

Surfsupsidedown · 18/05/2022 19:18

Sounds like he was trying to get them to be quiet and didn’t realise you’d be so upset they knew?

Surfsupsidedown · 18/05/2022 19:19

Also as panic attacks can come on suddenly and be quite frightening to witness it’s probably safer they know

Original poster
Hormonaltornado · 18/05/2022 19:21

I know he has a right to free speech and all of that, but IME you just don't go around disclosing somebodies private information like that. Especially not to children.

They will probably feel as though they have to tip toe around me now and that's the last thing I want.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hormonaltornado · 18/05/2022 19:24

Surfsupsidedown · 18/05/2022 19:19

Also as panic attacks can come on suddenly and be quite frightening to witness it’s probably safer they know

I would always take myself out of the room/house. I've had enough of them to know when one is coming and I have enough control to make my excuses and leave without raising suspicion. I really didn't want them to know 😔

OP posts:
Lemonsandlimez · 18/05/2022 19:25

I understand why you're upset, it is private and maybe he have worded it in a less direct way, however it sounds that he was just trying to get the children to calm down quickly so not to stress you further, and possibly he felt they'd comply if they understood that you aren't feeling 100%.

Surfsupsidedown · 18/05/2022 19:27

I don’t think your dh can win here

presumably the kids are older if they understand what a panic attack is?

what support are you getting to help?

WTF475878237NC · 18/05/2022 19:27

How old are they? Did it just slip out or did he intend to tell them?

Clymene · 18/05/2022 19:28

I don't think most children would know what a panic attack is. I think it's massively unfair of him - on you and on them.

I'm not surprised you're upset.

Lemonsandlimez · 18/05/2022 19:28

If their mother does bring it up, brush it off as DH just using it as a figure of speech... Ive heard a few people say "panic attack" loosely when describing a stressful situation for example, if you see what I mean.

orwellwasright · 18/05/2022 19:30

Oh for crying out loud. Free speech is about the right to express an opinion without unnecessary state or societal censure.

It doesn't mean you can share someone else's private medical details with whomever you fancy.

Notimeforaname · 18/05/2022 19:32

I know its difficult to do.. but try to start working towards worrying less about what people think of you. What they do or do not think about you doesn't change any work you do on yourself. It just takes your focus away from you.

It doesn't sound at all like he did this to hurt you or share your business.
It sounded like he was just trying to help and the truth slipped out.

Just be calm and clear with him about what youd like him not to speak about and he is then sure.

Onwards22 · 18/05/2022 19:32

Also as panic attacks can come on suddenly and be quite frightening to witness it’s probably safer they know

Absolutely this!

If you’re genuinely having panic attacks then these can be debilitating so it’s a good idea for them to understand about them.

He obviously wasn’t being a dick, he was trying to look out for you and for them, so you can’t be annoyed with that.
It sounds like you care more about what DM will think and you’re taking it out on him.

Whats done is done and you’ll have to just explain it play it down if you need to.

IncompleteSenten · 18/05/2022 19:33

No he did not have the right to disclose your private medical information and certainly not to children!
It was inappropriate.

Freedom of speech does not mean telling people someone else's personal information.

Original poster
Hormonaltornado · 18/05/2022 19:33

Surfsupsidedown · 18/05/2022 19:27

I don’t think your dh can win here

presumably the kids are older if they understand what a panic attack is?

what support are you getting to help?

10 and 11. I don't know if they know what a panic attack is but if not then they're sure to ask OH on the way home and he'll have to explain I have mental health problems which doesn't sound very reassuring to a child.

I'm on medication which is doing sod all and I'm on a waiting list for CBT

OP posts:
Original poster
Hormonaltornado · 18/05/2022 19:33

WTF475878237NC · 18/05/2022 19:27

How old are they? Did it just slip out or did he intend to tell them?

He said he just didn't think, it just came out because he wanted them to stop shouting (not in an aggressive way, they were playing)

OP posts:
Regularsizedrudy · 18/05/2022 19:36

While it’s your private info and not for him to share I can sort of understand why he did. It sounds like he was trying calm things down and make them understand.

Notimeforaname · 18/05/2022 19:37

Oh for crying out loud. Free speech is about the right to express an opinion without unnecessary state or societal censure.

It doesn't mean you can share someone else's private medical details with whomever you fancy.

Ah relax. My point was, op said he had no right to say it. Doesn't sound like he did it to cause any harm.

If my partner was in the middle of a heart attack I'd be flustered/worried too.
The truth slipped out while he was asking the children to calm down that's all. He wasnt sharing private medical details with whomever he fancied.
.

Blarting · 18/05/2022 19:38

This is tough, but I think it stems back m to MH issues are taboo and should be covered up.

They 100% shouldn't, we should all know and understand that MH issues happen and are nothing at all to be ashamed about.

Would you feel the same had he said, quieten down of you were in a diabetic hypo?

Sorry you're suffering.

Flowers
Original poster
Hormonaltornado · 18/05/2022 19:39

Onwards22 · 18/05/2022 19:32

Also as panic attacks can come on suddenly and be quite frightening to witness it’s probably safer they know

Absolutely this!

If you’re genuinely having panic attacks then these can be debilitating so it’s a good idea for them to understand about them.

He obviously wasn’t being a dick, he was trying to look out for you and for them, so you can’t be annoyed with that.
It sounds like you care more about what DM will think and you’re taking it out on him.

Whats done is done and you’ll have to just explain it play it down if you need to.

It's definitely panic attacks, diagnosed by a GP. I have propranolol prescribed for them specifically.

I am bothered about the DM knowing yes, I don't want somebody who hates my guts having access to such personal information.

OP posts:
UnshakenNeedsStirring · 18/05/2022 19:40

What did you want him to do? If the kids are old enough to understand and thy are at yours then its best they know . Looks like he was just trying to be helpful.

ComDummings · 18/05/2022 19:40

I would be furious, you don’t talk about other people’s medical issues. You just don’t do it. “SM is just feeling a bit unwell I’m sure she will be fine after a lie down” would have been fine.

WTF475878237NC · 18/05/2022 19:40

Ah then it sounds like, unfortunately, he just reacted in the moment and whilst I wouldn't like it either, he meant no harm OP.

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