Will we see each other again

Lovemusic33 · 18/05/2022 15:47

I’m similar to you 😬 and in a similar positions (going on a 2nd date and texting not very frequent). I keep trying to tell myself ‘it’s early days’ but I am a huge over thinker. I think this early on we just need to go with the flow. Maybe he’s just not into texting and is better face to face?
I'm meant to be going on a date tomorrow but have no times or place that we are meeting, texting has been pretty poor. I am over thinking everything but that doesn’t really help, I either have to go along with it or I need to end it, so at the moment I’m just seeing what happens.

Original poster

leonardo871 · 18/05/2022 15:52

Lovemusic33 · 18/05/2022 15:47

I’m similar to you 😬 and in a similar positions (going on a 2nd date and texting not very frequent). I keep trying to tell myself ‘it’s early days’ but I am a huge over thinker. I think this early on we just need to go with the flow. Maybe he’s just not into texting and is better face to face?
I'm meant to be going on a date tomorrow but have no times or place that we are meeting, texting has been pretty poor. I am over thinking everything but that doesn’t really help, I either have to go along with it or I need to end it, so at the moment I’m just seeing what happens.

Same. Good luck to you. Let me know how it goes. I am not holding out much hope to be honest for my situation but you never know.

I think I have just been disappointed so many times I just expect the worst now.

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Lovemusic33 · 18/05/2022 15:55

I feel the same, been here many times before and had several awful relationships, I try not to get my hopes up anymore but I worry I come across as cold and emotionless as I don’t want to let my guard down 😬.

I hope all goes ok for you and he lets you know a time and a place soon.

Original poster

leonardo871 · 18/05/2022 15:56

Lovemusic33 · 18/05/2022 15:55

I feel the same, been here many times before and had several awful relationships, I try not to get my hopes up anymore but I worry I come across as cold and emotionless as I don’t want to let my guard down 😬.

I hope all goes ok for you and he lets you know a time and a place soon.

I am not texting to confirm plans

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EBearhug · 18/05/2022 15:59

I have a probable date on Thursday. He has shown himself to be potentially flaky before, so I am planning ways that even if he bails out last minute, my time won't be totally wasted.

I think sometimes it's different personalities - there are those who are happy to leave planning to the last minute. But it could be they have more than one option available and are hedging their bets. But, you need to know what works for you. If someone has refused to confirm details when this is important to you, you can tell them not to bother because you might just be incompatible.

User1113 · 18/05/2022 16:00

Woah, it seems like you're writing him off here for no reason. If this is his normal texting pattern (every couple of days) I don't know why you're worrying. It's a generalisation but men are more straightforward than women. Probably from his point of view you've arranged to see each other on Saturday, so that's it sorted.

However, it could be that your gut is telling you he's pulling away. I don't think from the info you've given he's done anything wrong though. Just text him and see if he wants you to book dinner or something.

Original poster

leonardo871 · 18/05/2022 16:03

User1113 · 18/05/2022 16:00

Woah, it seems like you're writing him off here for no reason. If this is his normal texting pattern (every couple of days) I don't know why you're worrying. It's a generalisation but men are more straightforward than women. Probably from his point of view you've arranged to see each other on Saturday, so that's it sorted.

However, it could be that your gut is telling you he's pulling away. I don't think from the info you've given he's done anything wrong though. Just text him and see if he wants you to book dinner or something.

This is what my male friend at work said

He also said the good news is he is not future faking, love bombing and trying to get into a relationship straight away - which is a good sign.

Gut is saying it is fine. Anxiety and heart is over riding it and saying flight. He has done nothing wrong.

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Original poster

leonardo871 · 18/05/2022 16:03

EBearhug · 18/05/2022 15:59

I have a probable date on Thursday. He has shown himself to be potentially flaky before, so I am planning ways that even if he bails out last minute, my time won't be totally wasted.

I think sometimes it's different personalities - there are those who are happy to leave planning to the last minute. But it could be they have more than one option available and are hedging their bets. But, you need to know what works for you. If someone has refused to confirm details when this is important to you, you can tell them not to bother because you might just be incompatible.

Has he cancelled on you before? Good luck for tomorrow 🌹

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SpaceMaaaaan · 18/05/2022 16:04

Just give him a text and ask what the plan is?

Original poster

leonardo871 · 18/05/2022 16:05

SpaceMaaaaan · 18/05/2022 16:04

Just give him a text and ask what the plan is?

Does that seem needy?

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User1113 · 18/05/2022 16:13

@leonardo871 Male friend at work is right. If your gut says it's fine, try not to worry or you'll talk yourself out of this.

And I don't think texting (once) seems needy? I bet if it was a female friend you'd just message and find out. Think of it more like your time is valuable and you need to know if you have plans on Saturday and what they are.

Original poster

leonardo871 · 18/05/2022 16:16

User1113 · 18/05/2022 16:13

@leonardo871 Male friend at work is right. If your gut says it's fine, try not to worry or you'll talk yourself out of this.

And I don't think texting (once) seems needy? I bet if it was a female friend you'd just message and find out. Think of it more like your time is valuable and you need to know if you have plans on Saturday and what they are.

Yep my male work mate is sound and very sensible. Very grounded down to earth guy.

This is the stage I get to 6/8 weeks end and tend to self sabotage - text them to call it off or act like an idiot... 'are you ghosting me' was my penultimate after a day or two of silence from one I was dating. No wonder they ran a mile.

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Veol · 18/05/2022 16:18

It is only Wednesday afternoon. It would not occur to me to sort out the details until nearer the time, but I wouldn’t mind if the other person wanted to confirm plans sooner.

Frazzledmummy123 · 18/05/2022 16:23

If he is still in touch as he usually would then I'd assume he is waiting until nearer the time to arrange the details. I'd send a text either later tonight or tomorrow about Saturday, I don't think you have anything to be concerned about.

Original poster

leonardo871 · 18/05/2022 16:25

My self sabotage at this stage is very familiar; even since I ended with my LTP 4 years ago it seems 4/6 weeks and call it off - so thank you for the reassurance

I find texting a very odd marker of sincerity during early dating if I am honest - if they text too much they are usually a love bombing fake trying to have sex

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zingally · 18/05/2022 16:28

It's only Wednesday! Saturday can feel like a long way off at this point in the week!
I'd only start twitching a bit if it got to Friday afternoon and you'd not heard anything. That's why I'd maybe send a breezy text, "hi! did we want to do something together tomorrow?"

Original poster

leonardo871 · 19/05/2022 08:53

I replied to his message last night with a heart eye emoji and nil else. No word as yet and no further mention of date.

Can anyone deescalate me from
Sending a 'clearly your not interested etc etc' message and just leave it

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WalkingOnTheCracks · 19/05/2022 09:09

leonardo871 · 18/05/2022 15:37

I can be anxious during new relationships due to past trauma.
I see therapist once per week. I have been dating someone new for two months.

AIBU to think that him arranging a date for Saturday and not confirming details yet (place, time) by today means he could not interested? He has texted me only once today and it was to reply to a message I sent yesterday. He messages every other / third date only.

I am fully prepared to take some hard roasting here in reining in my anxiety or being told he is not interested.

Wow, you used ‘rein’ rather than ‘reign’. That never happens here.

Are you sure you’re on the right site?

SpaceMaaaaan · 19/05/2022 09:12

leonardo871 · 18/05/2022 16:05

Does that seem needy?

Show quote history

Not really. It sounds like you're organised. It's Thursday now so seems sensible to ask what the plan is for the weekend.

SpaceMaaaaan · 19/05/2022 09:13

leonardo871 · 19/05/2022 08:53

I replied to his message last night with a heart eye emoji and nil else. No word as yet and no further mention of date.

Can anyone deescalate me from
Sending a 'clearly your not interested etc etc' message and just leave it

Or yeah if you're not bothered then just leave it. He might message you on Saturday to ask if you still wanted to meet up by which time you've already made other plans.

Original poster

leonardo871 · 19/05/2022 09:19

@WalkingOnTheCracks

What do you mean? Did I spell it wrong? Which side? I am confused

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Original poster

leonardo871 · 19/05/2022 09:20

@SpaceMaaaaan

I am desperate to just text him and say 'clearly you are married / in a relationship / not interested / wasting my time' and block.

Is that ridiculous? It is.

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Testina · 19/05/2022 09:24

leonardo871 · 19/05/2022 08:53

I replied to his message last night with a heart eye emoji and nil else. No word as yet and no further mention of date.

Can anyone deescalate me from
Sending a 'clearly your not interested etc etc' message and just leave it

Do you mean you literally sent “ ❤️ 👁 “ ?

I’d rethink early dating texting entirely.

He messaged you yesterday (when you posted) replying to what you’d said. And all you’ve sent is two emojis. That’s not a conversation. But now, because you think you replied, you feel like it’s “his turn”? And then you get into a spiral that you “can’t” messsge him, because you messaged last, when actually two emojis isn’t really a message at all.

It is fine to be the one that messages twice in a row. Sometimes. If it’s constant, sure you need to read the signs… but there isn’t a rule that just because you sent two emojis you can’t say anything now!

Why is it up to him to confirm plans and time and details for this Saturday? You’ve mentioned a day so you’ve discussed meeting, then. Why do you have to wait for him to lead on the details?

I would message with a proposal, lightly: “Sat - still on? Fancy cinema? Showcase has Marvel at 20:30, we could get a pizza at 19:00?” To a message like that, I’d expect a same say yes/no, or I wouldn’t bother messaging again.

Testina · 19/05/2022 09:24

leonardo871 · 19/05/2022 09:19

@WalkingOnTheCracks

What do you mean? Did I spell it wrong? Which side? I am confused

She’s complimenting you because it’s often spelled wrong on MN, but you didn’t.

JaceLancs · 19/05/2022 09:27

I get it but I have to have a word with myself sometimes
if you don’t get anything sorted today I would message him Friday morning asking about what’s happening Saturday keeping it fairly casual
DP although of much longer standing is very irritating in this respect as he is vague about plans and I like to know as have to factor in other things and other people including elderly DM
I just make sure I pin him down - if it’s by text he can’t say he didn’t know time or what we’d arranged