To think waitress was a bit off.

[Lancslass11]

So two friends order same item from smaller plate menu.
One is normal weight and one overweight.
Takes overweight persons order without comment. When normal weight person orders same thing she gets are you sure? It is so small Are you sure you don't want extra chips etc etc.
Now I know it is minor but I found this a little irritating.
So AIBU

When the food arrived were they both smaller plate sized? If so then YANBU & the waitress was rude.
I was just wondering if she’d thought one was regular size and when the second person ordered the small plate she wanted to make clear the sizes?

Perhaps she thought the table’s bill wasn’t going to be very much and was reliant on tips.

I often think something the first time then say something the second. I can see myself thinking "that's not enough goo" when the first person orders then actually saying something because, you know, now it's a thing.

Or not, both are possible.

They were both the same size. The first person ordering was the larger lady.

She probably thought the bigger friend ordered from the smaller plate menu because she is on a diet.

It was clumsily said by waitress in my opinion but I’d move on. Having waitressed for years myself I know how many other things they’re juggling in their heads, planning what they need to do next, who needs a bill, who needs to be greeted, how long food has been sitting in kitchen etc. Excuse the human error in her choice of wording and move on. She was probably thinking “crap, this bill is coming to nothing and my manager will have a pop at me”. Where I’ve worked the managers have gone through the orders to ensure the waitresses are upselling constantly. In fact, we even got our bonus solely based on how many sides we sold.

As a former waiter I would have thought that perhaps were going to share the food (small plates like tapas) and when you only order a small thing, suggest chips for the table.

It was a smaller plate full meal as such. I wasn't person A or B and no one commented but afterwards I did ponder it.

Was it obvious you were together? She might have been expecting who ever was 2nd to be ordering some sides for the table. I wouldn't assume it was because of your weight.

Yes that's what I'm thinking. It's often the person who orders last who does all the sides etc.

everywhere I’ve eaten out recently has once we’ve ordered asked if we want chips/bread for the table/olives etc.
it’s just a bit of upselling and in small plates places helps them turn the tables a bit quicker as you won’t order “twice”

Insulting the customer doesn't usually end up with more tips..

Maybe she just thought the second person needed building up, whereas the overweight person didn't.

She was probably trying to get the last person to order more after realizing that it might not be enough. It would be really far fetched to think she was targeting the overweight person.

It could have been fattist.

Or it could have been a question for the table as often people share the small plates, so maybe it got to the end and she realised that wasnt happening

Only she knows

She’s probably just meant it generically as in per the table. It’s possible it’s s small portion and she didn’t ask the overweight person if she wanted more deliberately as that could’ve been taken as ‘she clearly thinks the fat person won’t be full from a smaller plate’
Give the waitress a break tbh. It’s a hard job, they get paid and auditedfor selling sides and bigger portions. She can’t be expected to cater to everyone’s insecurities- it’s not her fault your friend is overweight

I think you could be right, she may have a bit off.

She may have had some unconscious bias towards the eating habits of your friends.
Which happens, we all do it at some point don’t we.
Or it could have been for many of the other reasons given.

I think she was specifically asking the normal sized woman if she wanted more as in to select the same item but with chips which was a regular sized meal The other 4 of us ordered regular meals which also came with potatoes or chips. But no one can know her intentions if indeed she had any specific intentions.

This. Poor waitress.

As you all ordered small meals maybe she was just checking you all knew they were small meals?

I'm sure some people make looking for offence a hobby.

The only person sounding fattist is the OP for even thinking this.

Waitress takes first order, probably just writing it down, not thinking. Takes second order and thinks, that's not much, wonder if they realise the portions are small, I'll ask. Asks, and gets a PO MN thread.

As others mentioned, I think it is probably more a case of the waitress not considering it until a second person had also ordered it.

Having been a waitress, I was super busy and acting on auto pilot a lot of the time. I didn't have the headspace to be noticing the weight of customers etc.

(As an aside, saying "normal weight" will probably not go down well!)