To think waitress was a bit off.

[Lancslass11]

So two friends order same item from smaller plate menu.
One is normal weight and one overweight.
Takes overweight persons order without comment. When normal weight person orders same thing she gets are you sure? It is so small Are you sure you don't want extra chips etc etc.
Now I know it is minor but I found this a little irritating.
So AIBU

Sorry, "normal sized"

Christ almighty, why would the waitress care that a small person had ordered a small meal? As far as the waitress knows, small friend is small precisely because she always orders small plates. Still completely irrelevant.

I agree with PPs that the waitress probably didn't think to question it until the second person ordered a small plate and thought she'd better check that they understood how small it would be.

"Normal sized" ??

@Lancslass11 I think you're a bit 'off' saying 'normal size' tbh.

Sorry meant normal BMI

HA HA .....don't they just!!!

The fact that you give headspace to the BMI of the people you are out with says more about you than any perceived slight by a waitress asking if you want chips or a baked potato tbh.

Well when you are larger and have been fat shamed in the past maybe you are more sensitive.

Christ almighty, why would the waitress care that a small person had ordered a small meal? As far as the waitress knows, small friend is small precisely because she always orders small plates. Still completely irrelevant.
@GiltEdges thst is the point though. She cared enough to try and convince her that the meal was far too small and she was better getting same dish from standard menu.
The more I think about it though she probably did assume thst my larger like me friend was on a diet.

"the normal sized woman". I think this says more about your attitude to size OP than the waitress's.

YABU. I am overweight and wouldn't even notice something like this. Stop with the "permanently offended" mindset.

So AIBU

So YABU. Unclench.

Maybe she thought the other one needed fattening up , some people enjoy sabotaging peoples diets just to put a different spin on it.

I would of assumed she meant do you want any sides , any probably just forgot to ask the first person.

Exactly, I think you are giving far, far, far too much headspace to this waitress' thoughts on you and your friend's food choices. Really they're not that important.

In agreement with @GiltEdges here!

As it was the same item both women ordered, whether it was weight related or not, it was strange not to ask first lady too.

However .. was the waitress definitely only addressing the second lady who ordered, and not addressing both to sell up the chips. It'd be after both had ordered, she'd ask this and if you weren't at the table, maybe you misunderstood if only overheard it?

Perhaps being an experienced waitress it was usual to see fat people only order a salad or small side dish and when normal sized people ordered the same they would complain it wasn't enough so she always mentions other food such as chips etc normal sized people in order to avoid disappointment.

Think this is probably the issue really, rather than what the waitress said/what you've decided her motivation was and what she was thinking.

Look hard enough and you'll find offence in anything anyone says or does.
Upselling is standard practice in hospitality, and I'd be inclined to think she was addressing anyone who has already or who intended to order the smaller meals - probably not just trying to upsell but also pre-empt a complaint about the portion sizes being small by pointing it out clearly, because sometimes people don't read menu's properly, order something and then get all disappointed and say they've had poor service because they weren't specifically told about something that's printed on the menu they're looking at and have ordered from.

And I'm overweight, quite a lot overweight too, and also work in hospitality and have a lot of experience as a duty manager dealing with complaints from people who have ordered something that's clearly described on the menu and then complained because they got what they ordered.

As PPs have said, she's probably been told to up-sell and part of that may offering sides with smaller plate meals.
It would be really irritating if she asked each person ordering a smaller meal individually if they wanted a side, so perhaps she leaves it until the end to ask everyone.

I used to be a waitress and, tbh, rarely took in much about each diner's appearance as I was busy thinking about the order, my other tables etc

may include

🤣

Yes this happens a lot. They ask at the end if the order hasn't come to much.

Poor woman's probably told to sell the extra chips but thought 'can't really do that to someone probably wanting to lose weight. Man I'm hungover but I'll get told off if I don't offer the chips. They ask 'did your server offer extra chips with your order?' on the form they send out. I'll just ask this person. I can't wait to get home.'

You're complaining about someone discriminating based on size then are saying the smaller lady is 'normal' and with a 'normal BMI'. Are you the waitress and someone complained?

People shouldn't make assumptions, though. Not every fat person is on a diet. Besides which, in withholding an offer of more food from a larger person while offering more to a thinner person, the waitress is tacitly commenting on the larger person's body which is rude.