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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have posted a photo of us online?

62 replies

shakeyourbabushka · 17/05/2022 15:41

My ex of 9 years said I made him unhappy and me and our 2 children left the family home. He said I made him unhappy, he didn't like who he was with me, he thought we would be happier with other people. Our youngest was only a few months old at the time. Since I left I also found out he had been getting intimate photos and videos of other women. He was quite mentally abusive but made me feel like I was the one to make him call me names and stuff. He threw my make up bag in temper once and smashed all the contents. He turned his family against me and let his father shout at me in my own home in front of my children.
I've been left 6 months now and in that time I've started seeing someone who was a friend. We have date nights while my parents watch the children, we've had days out here and there and just enjoy each other's company. He's a lovely, kind person which tbh I'm not used to. I knew his family anyway and they've pretty much welcomed the idea of us with open arms.
My ex is trying to get me to go back home now and says he didn't realise how much he would miss me, his life is lonely and miserable.

We'd had a few wines with a meal and I had the bright idea of posting a photo of us on Facebook just smiling with a wine in our hands.

My ex's best friend put "are you taking the fucking piss!? Your beds barely cold and you've already got some other cunt jumping in it! Delete me all you like but show some class you attention seeking cunt" those were his exact words.

I went on to say how my bed had been cold a long time, and it wasn't classy that my ex had paid other women for sex. (He clearly didn't know this) I said I wasn't going to be sorry for being happy as I hadn't been for many years. Many people defended me and said how I deserved to be happy bringing up 2 children in my parents spare room and I looked the best I have for a long time and his comment showed more about him than me.

I'm ready for a roasting here about how I was in the wrong so I'm prepared.. but was I ? What's your opinion?

OP posts:
Original poster
shakeyourbabushka · 17/05/2022 15:42

The post maybe isn't clear.. the photo was with me and new guy

OP posts:
Hintofreality · 17/05/2022 15:45

How old are your children? Could they see what was written? Could someone show them?
You were not wrong to post the picture but you should not have responded to the friend’s comment as that will affect your children.

Mally100 · 17/05/2022 15:46

You haven't done anything wrong!! What a vile man he is to speak to you like that. Well at least everyone saw what he is and most of all defended you. You have done well for taking your kids away from a toxic home environment so don't let this stupid man get to you.

AverageJoan · 17/05/2022 15:46

I don't think YABU, I left DP of almost 10 years last year after many years of unhappiness and I waited ages to post a photo of new DP on social media but even then mine and ex's mutual friends had something to say about it. There'll always be people with an opinion but as long as you're happy who really cares. Time to take the trash out and delete his friends.

Springhassprung86 · 17/05/2022 15:46

You did nothing wrong.
ex is reaping what he’s sown.
Ex’s friend is absolutely vile, I would block him.

lancsgirl85 · 17/05/2022 15:48

Disgusting man to make a comment like that. Wtf has it got to do with him?! Delete and block! Then enjoy yourself all the more to piss the haters off.Wine🥳

Original poster
shakeyourbabushka · 17/05/2022 15:49

My children are 6yrs and 9 months old respectively so there's luckily no chance of them seeing the photo. A lot of my friends defending me saying it's no one's business what I do now and I'm glowing in a way I haven't got a while. Most knew how I was treated in the last few years but clearly my ex hasn't told his friends anything and just made me out to be the bad guy. He's very good at that, he said he got the videos of other woman as I wasn't giving him attention.. he shouted at me because I would wind him up.. always my fault Sad

OP posts:
PrimrosesandPears · 17/05/2022 15:49

You weren’t wrong to post the picture. But I wouldn’t get into messages on Facebook about it: as well as all your friends and acquaintances it is out there for current or potential employers, your children’s friends or their parents etc etc to read. In your position I would delete my ex’s friend and all the comments and share the info about my break up only with people I trust and want to seek support from.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 17/05/2022 15:50

YANBU. You can post whatever you want on your social media for a starts.

Secondly, your ex ended the relationship. Just because he's now changed his mind doesn't change anything for you. You don't have to go back to him just because he's realised what he's missing and good for you moving on with your life.

So the first thing you should do is sort out the privacy settings on all your socials. Make is so only those who you have given specific access to can see your photos and posts. Then have a proper clear out, remove any friends/family of his or people who would take his side over yours.

Don't stoop to this level and don't worry about what arseholes think.

Lwren · 17/05/2022 15:51

What a vile piece of shite he is.
You crack on being happy please god do not let this hurt you.
Pathetic ex, Pathetic friend and no other dickhead is going to ruin your new found happiness.

Your SM, post wtf you want!!!

Angry at your ex and his wanker mate, not you if tone appears off 🤣my blood is boiling🤣

AryaStarkWolf · 17/05/2022 15:53

Your ex sounds vile and so does his friend. Block the fucker and don't even give it another thought, the cheek of him. Why did you leave the family home btw?

Starlightstarbright1 · 17/05/2022 15:53

Yanbu posting the photo... however definitely time for a fb cull and time to tighten up security settings..

Mutual friends generally aren't mutual. I woykd restrict or unfriend them

Justcallmebebes · 17/05/2022 15:53

You have done nothing wrong. Block him and his whack job mates hold your head high and carry on enjoying your lovely new life. Wanker (him, not you!!)

vitahelp · 17/05/2022 15:55

The only thing you did wrong was replying to his friends stupid comment and leaving it there for everyone else to rise to. I would have deleted his comment immediately and blocked him. I don't think you were in the wrong posting the photo.

Honeyroar · 17/05/2022 15:56

I think what you said was perfectly dignified and reasonable. (perhaps not the bit about paying for sex!) But leave it there. And block the horrible bloke from your social media.

PetersRabbitt · 17/05/2022 15:56

Normally I’d say yes!! Airing dirty laundry on Facebook is horrid, but in this case, you’ve done nothing wrong and I’m glad you commented back what you did.

id leave it all there, you done nothing wrong and deserve happiness

ladytessa · 17/05/2022 15:57

Omg you all need to GROW UP and get off social media. Sounds like you have some pretty trashy people on your "friends" list. Delete and move on with your life. This is all so tacky and now how decent adults act.

funinthesun19 · 17/05/2022 15:58

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. You don’t owe it to your ex or his best buddy to remain locked in your house never having fun and never seeing anyone. Tell them to sod off.
My ex and his family would react the same way to be honest.

Hyvsvaar · 17/05/2022 16:00

They both sound like a right pair of pricks so you are well rid of either of them in your life

as to the photo…you are allowed to be happy and show the people who care about you how you are moving on and finding peace and kindness

AryaStarkWolf · 17/05/2022 16:00

ladytessa · 17/05/2022 15:57

Omg you all need to GROW UP and get off social media. Sounds like you have some pretty trashy people on your "friends" list. Delete and move on with your life. This is all so tacky and now how decent adults act.

The OP has done nothing except defend herself, that was a nasty comment

User3568975431146 · 17/05/2022 16:00

The dangers of social media I'm afraid. Live your life privately and not publicly, no one needs to know your business.

Oh and anyone that uses language like that should be blocked, there's just no need.

Georgeskitchen · 17/05/2022 16:01

I wouldn't retaliate, just block. Block all his friends and associates . You are entitled to a life well away from your ex and his scumbag friend(s)
Enjoy your new life and freedom!!

Isaidnoalready · 17/05/2022 16:01

You dont have to act like a nun because he dumped you

His friend is a knob

lancsgirl85 · 17/05/2022 16:03

Omg you all need to GROW UP and get off social media.

🙄

lancsgirl85 · 17/05/2022 16:04

@ladytessa
Why does the OP need to "grow up and get off social media"? What exactly has she done wrong here?