To have posted a photo of us online?

[shakeyourbabushka]

My ex of 9 years said I made him unhappy and me and our 2 children left the family home. He said I made him unhappy, he didn't like who he was with me, he thought we would be happier with other people. Our youngest was only a few months old at the time. Since I left I also found out he had been getting intimate photos and videos of other women. He was quite mentally abusive but made me feel like I was the one to make him call me names and stuff. He threw my make up bag in temper once and smashed all the contents. He turned his family against me and let his father shout at me in my own home in front of my children.
I've been left 6 months now and in that time I've started seeing someone who was a friend. We have date nights while my parents watch the children, we've had days out here and there and just enjoy each other's company. He's a lovely, kind person which tbh I'm not used to. I knew his family anyway and they've pretty much welcomed the idea of us with open arms.
My ex is trying to get me to go back home now and says he didn't realise how much he would miss me, his life is lonely and miserable.

We'd had a few wines with a meal and I had the bright idea of posting a photo of us on Facebook just smiling with a wine in our hands.

My ex's best friend put "are you taking the fucking piss!? Your beds barely cold and you've already got some other cunt jumping in it! Delete me all you like but show some class you attention seeking cunt" those were his exact words.

I went on to say how my bed had been cold a long time, and it wasn't classy that my ex had paid other women for sex. (He clearly didn't know this) I said I wasn't going to be sorry for being happy as I hadn't been for many years. Many people defended me and said how I deserved to be happy bringing up 2 children in my parents spare room and I looked the best I have for a long time and his comment showed more about him than me.

I'm ready for a roasting here about how I was in the wrong so I'm prepared.. but was I ? What's your opinion?

YIKES @shakeyourbabushka you poor lass! He sounds awful, and I think you did right defending yourself and putting this nasty git right. Block him now - if you haven't already. You've done NOTHING wrong. I am so sorry you have had to suffer this. Look after yourself!

@ladytessa

Omg you all need to GROW UP and get off social media. Sounds like you have some pretty trashy people on your "friends" list. Delete and move on with your life. This is all so tacky and now how decent adults act.

What a vile comment. YOU are the one who needs to grow up!

Nothing wrong with posting a photo.

But engaging in tit for tat arguments on facebook is incredibly unedifying and will change what some people think of you tbh. You should have just deleted his comment and blocked him as if he never existed.

Why are you still friends with your ex’s friends on facebook anyway?

You did nothing wrong by posting the picture, but you need to unfriend all of your ex's friends, your ex, his family members. The lot. Live your life in peace, and don't let them in to your private sphere. Your ex sounds horrible, so I am not surprised he's got horrible friends too, but things like these does not need to play out in public.

Fuck that! You did nothing wrong

Block the friend.

You haven't done anything wrong. Airing your laundry would have made a fair bit of entertainment for people on your SM though but I'd probably have went down the same path if someone spoke to me like that. Be happy and keep ex's and his followers blocked from now on.

You did nothing wrong in posting a photo.

Your ex ended it, you’ve moved on. That’s his loss and he’ll need to suck it up.

Ex’s mate asked for that retort after his vile comment. But I would never get into private business with people on social media.

So I would:

• Delete friends comment and yours from the picture.
• Block ex’s dickhead mate and any of ex’s other friends or family members so they can’t be up in your business.

Personally wouldn't post any personal photos on Facebook. I mean, why. There's no point and nobody else is interested in seeing them anyway

Do you actually know what Facebook is?

I don't get why a photo of you drinking wine with someone must mean that you are having sex with them!

Well, if you judge a man by the company they keep your ex is obviously an utter scumbag!

I understand why you felt the need to defend yourself but people like your ex & his friend deserve no thought at all.

honestly, leaving that comment up so your friends could ‘defend you’ is childish and yes, attention seeking. Why didn’t you just delete it and block the asshole who wrote it?

I take it you don't do FB?

I’ve had Facebook for years and look at it daily to find out about local events and special offers, but I never ever post pics of myself or any of my family on there and I get very annoyed if someone tags me in their photos. Unfortunately, some people completely over share the details of their personal lives on there.

In my opinion, it’s never a good idea to post about your private life on any SM. It’s one of the things that many prospective employers will check through to get an idea of your overall character and if I read a spat like that, the applicant would be quickly crossed of my list of potential employees.

In this instance, I think the OP should have blocked and deleted the stupid bloke’s comment and left it at that.

The ex's friend sounds deeply unpleasant. However, since you ask, I don't think posting a happy picture of you and your new bloke was a nice thing to do considering how lonely and miserable your ex currently is, whether he caused the break up or not.

Thank you all. I got more people thinking I wasn't being unreasonable than expected!

@MaudieandMe

How would a potential employer see the pictures/comments if your privacy settings are set to private?

There will always be someone who objects to your happiness so best to just ignore and enjoy yourself!

When I first posted a photo with now DH I had a private message from the cousin of my ex saying all sorts. Part of the probably was my ex hadn't told a lot of people we'd split up so from that perspective it was a shock but also he'd cheated, lied, gambled our money away and was abusive.

I tried to explain to the cousin that he wasn't aware of a lot of things that had happened etc but he was adamant no matter the circumstances I was the one in the wrong.

You'll never win with someone people so don't even try.

Why does he have access to your social media? Lock it down. God, no wonder you left him! He’s horrible.

Fair enough that you wanted to defend yourself but block that horrible man and go through your friends list and delete anyone else that has any connection to your ex.

wow, you really need to learn to love yourself at least a tiny bit. I like it how many on here asked some idiotic questions as if you need to qualify your really quite cliche situation for them to respond. Of course you should be happy and please don’t go back to your charming ex, he sounds abusive and like a really bad example for the children. I suggest you block your ex and his friends, he can speak to your parents about the children. Do not see him and do not talk to him. If stop thinking about him altogether and work on the relationship with the new man and see where it goes. Treat the ex and co like they are dead. Jeez

I disagree. The Ex's friend was vile and needlessly attacking OP. I think she responded well without profanity or personal insults or misogynist slurs, unlike the friend, and showed that she can stand up for herself. I think that's a good example to set for children.

I would still block that jerk now, though. No need to have your ex's flying monkeys dirtying up your Facebook page.

Going on that post, probably demand they hand their phone and passwords over in the interview.

Personally wouldn't post any personal photos on Facebook. I mean, why. There's no point and nobody else is interested in seeing them anyway

Rubbish. If you use fb for friends and family they are interested in your life, especially the ones who know you have had a hard time and are now having fun.

But i am, like other pp, confused how ex's friend saw it. I would screenshot the comment and your reply, then delete them both and go carefully through your friends list and privacy settings. Just delete anyone who isn't a friend or a kind family member.

Your ex sounds awful. You’re well rid.
Of course you can meet new people.
But please, please don’t plaster it online. It really doesn’t benefit anyone and can cause nastiness towards you and even your children.
If you’re happy with new man, be happy but keep it to RL, your close family and friends
.

I didn't screen shot it but luckily my friend did. I've now deleted him. He removed his comment once everyone started jumping on my and demanding he apologised. I've since deleted him, and set other members of his family that I don't have a personal problem with to restricted so they will only see my public posts, which are very rare if ever.

OP, you deserve every bit of happiness and companionship, and you are well rid of the ex.

However: you are massively beyond unreasonable for playing this out on social media.

Why did you need to post that picture? What did it achieve? Why does it matter to anyone looking at Facebook? Surely your good friends and family know what's going on.

Your ex's friend posted a vile comment. I don't know how social media work as I don't engage with it. But people keep saying 'block and delete', so you should have done that. You don't want anyone (including your children) to be able to dig stuff up later. Why on earth engage with it? I am genuinely baffled by why anyone would post the picture at all, never mind respond to shitty comments.

Did you post the picture as a way of saying "look at me - I've got a new partner"? If so, surely , you knew that would cause trouble? If I were you, and for my children's sakes, I'd delete Facebook and not put anything recognisable online again, ever.